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Sorry but I need to vent and then you guys can maybe help me calm down.

WHY DOES EVERYONE FEEL THE FRIGGING NEED TO CHIP IN WITH THEIR BLOODY OPINION????!!!!

Ahh better. Ok background. I' m sorta with a guy I've posted about previously and I know it's a doomed and destructive relationship, we both discuss that it's not healthy. However I am extremely emotionally attached to him. For all the damage he does I miss him when he's away. he's gone away for 5 days and I'm finding the freedom both liberating and overwhelming.We aren't a boyfriend girlfriend couple but there is something between us.

He and I live together much to all my friends disdain and they feel every need to express it. Everytime I say his name. Repetitively. On monday he and I argued quite badly and to get a break to clear my head my ex picked me up. I'm in the car with my ex almost in tears and my phone goes. I answer to my mate Tom who proceeds to ask what I'm doing, give me a ten minute lecture about how bad Annan is for me and then when I say I'm with my ex Pete he goes mental about me being a '****ing muppet' 'wasting my time on losers' 'seeing guys who aren't worthy of me'. By the end of the phone call I burst into tears and my ex had to hold me for ten minutes til I calme down.

Everyone chips in at any moment. For instance I said to my friend I'm going to the gym and that I think about how one day I will go away to uni and I wanna look hot to meet guys. She went off about how disgusting Annan's behaviour is, how better I am, etc etc.

Everyone wants to say and it makes me feel foolish. I know it's horrendous the way we treat each other but it's my prerogative. I don't need everyone to point out what's before my eyes. I'm not ridiculously ignorant or blind I'm stubborn. I love the guy and do you know what for all our problems he has done things for me no one else managed.

When I said to my friend look lay off, i don't mean it rudely your opinion is yours but I've heard the same speech a thousand times and I love the guy she said 'When did this happen? How could you be so stupid'. Well I got hit on the head by a branch of a heart tree, silly me for walking under it.

Whilst manipulating me to be under his control he has helped me overcome phobias and made me realise that I don't need to sleep around for attention. He's also seen some awful sides to me and although sometimes he's reacted badly and he uses what he's seen against me I adore any bloke that doesn't walk away.

I know I have low self-esteem, I know any man that uses me and bullys me isn't worthy of me, I know it's only because my friends care but why does everyone want to interfere.

Everyday I take a little step away from him. Little victories make me feel less trapped by him and like one day in the future I'll escape the relationship. Like meeting a guy who interests me, making friends outside of the house we share, going to the gym and not being crap at it, getting salesperson of the week at work, seeing mates in the pub. I've overcome alot of personal problems and everyone pushing me isn't helping me to step slowly into myself which right now is a daunting prspect.

Sorry to rant on and on what does everyone think? Am I unreasonable to ask people not to constantly express their hatred? Is asking for time to do things my way to much? Should I be cutting all ties with the man I still have to live with til June? Is it wrong to be vaguely happy in my little upside down world?

Rahhh!!!

Reply 1

chauncey

woah.

Reply 2

illmatic

I feel what you're saying, your situation is deep but you're doing it at a comfy pace.... it's just as friends , people always want the fastest route out of the problems. For example if one of my girls was in that situation I'd want her to break it off ASAP because I don't like the idea of her being manipulated.
You need to tell them that they need to support you and you need to understand that sometimes its better to speed things up or else you grow attached again.. Think it all through in your head, see what you NEED in your life... What you WANT in your life and what you HAVE in your life.

Reply 3

matt@internet

Why hasn't one of you ended the relationship if you both agree it's unhealthy?

Reply 4

ro-ro

Thanks Illmatic.

I think what frustrates me is the difference between all my friends. I fend myself- I always have and will. I live away from home.

All but one of my friends live at home and are funded by Daddy. Whenever I say look I love the guy and I live with him they say Dump him and move. Like the world is so black and white. Like hmmm I need a pint of milk oh and to start again today.

I've lived in 5 houses in 18 months I don't want to move anymore I want to nest and stay somewhere safe.

Maybe I am being immature but I feel my friends who still see boys as being mysterious and it being about asking them out, dating and sex then a relationship can't see what I see.

When the **** hits the fan Daddy will give them a grand to spend to make it better (what happened with my best friend). I don't have Daddy to give me a grand, I can't make it better and I don't see things the same. Life's alot scarier when you're on your own.

Reply 5

ro-ro

matt@internet

Why hasn't one of you ended the relationship if you both agree it's unhealthy?

Because we both depend on each other for stuff. He relies on me to validate him and I him and I am scared of stuff which he supports me with and then I laugh lots with him and do stuff with him he doesn't like doing alone (going to the supermarket). Plus sometimes we say we'll stop then we do something fun like make bread and then we just slip back together.

Reply 6

matt@internet

ro-ro

I don't have Daddy to give me a grand, I can't make it better and I don't see things the same. Life's alot scarier when you're on your own.

Bitter much :rolleyes:

Reply 7

ro-ro

Just a wee bit. I'm just frustrated that people see stuff so simply.

I mean I inherit soon and then I'm more loaded than my mates but there is something quite patronising about taking advice from someone who is able to phone their father in Hong Kong to buy their way out of anything.

Everyone thinks money is going to fix it all. I am SO not convinced. I can't BUY a new guy!