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Anorexia and SH, just wanted to share.

Writing this to get it off my chest. Yesterday in the shower I stood crying because I finally admitted to myself how bad my problems were. And I can't help but cry whilst I type.

I was never part of the popular group of people, and was so jealous of those who were. I would look at photos of them all the time, and try to copy the clothes they wore or the cosmetics they bought. There was one girl in particular, who was the complete opposite of me - shorter, brunette, tanned. I felt so ugly in comparison.

So I got it into my head somehow that if I couldn't be pretty and popular, I would be skinny instead. That way they'd be jealous of me.

It was easy to do. I was already so depressed I didn't feel like eating.

I lost so much weight but I never really saw it. I had a completely distorted picture of myself in the mirror. People always told me how skinny I was, but when I looked down I could see fat on my thighs and my stomach.

Then I started to self harm on my arms and legs every day. I'd draw blood with my fingernails. It felt good whilst I was doing it but afterwards I felt so ashamed and the marks would be there for ages that I'd have to cover up. I'd never wear short sleeves or skirts, and I never went to any school formals because I'd have to wear skimpy clothes.

My skin was bad and I couldn't start menstruating.

But I'm begining to recover now I've moved. I'm up to a size 8/10, my periods have started and I'm feeling healthier. It's still hard to enjoy eating but I am trying. My goal is to get to a size 12. My new boyfriend is really supportive, tells me I'm gorgeous. Some days I feel it.

So yeh, this is just a message to other people. Please don't feel alone. I've never shared my story with anyone else. I could have gotten help if I had had the guts to talk to someone about what was going on in my head.

Reply 1

*loobylou*

Can i just say well done for getting help and i wish you all the best and hope you reach your target.

xxxx

Every girl is gorgeous in their own way.

Reply 2

kate03

1

well done for sharing your story hear, and i hope you get to your goal :smile:

Reply 3

James

14

Well done! You've set a great example, and I wish you the best of luck in reaching your goals. :hugs:

Reply 4

xxSAMMIxx

1

Wow that is really inspiring, good luck with your future goals.

Hope everything works out

:hugs:

Reply 5

NickiM

14

Thanks for being so brave to share that with us. I hope things continue to improve for you, you can do it. :smile:

Reply 6

Ywiss

15

Thanks for sharing :smile:

I'm so glad things have improved for you.

You say that after you moved, your problems got better? I don't know whether this is possible, but perhaps it would be nice for anyone else with the same problems which you had to know how exactly you overcame your problems. Was it a psychological thing, do you think, how you told yourself to stop, or was it more a social support thing, i.e. how your boyfriend got you through it. Or maybe it was purely the moving thing, I don't know...?

Great news once again!
xxx

WOW!!! - just wow!

Woop! Really well done in admitting your problem and thanks for telling everyone. :smile:

Reply 9

Unique Brunette

excellent

thats a great decision.

:champ:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Ywiss

Thanks for sharing :smile:

I'm so glad things have improved for you.

You say that after you moved, your problems got better? I don't know whether this is possible, but perhaps it would be nice for anyone else with the same problems which you had to know how exactly you overcame your problems. Was it a psychological thing, do you think, how you told yourself to stop, or was it more a social support thing, i.e. how your boyfriend got you through it. Or maybe it was purely the moving thing, I don't know...?

Great news once again!
xxx

I'm not sure if I can pin point when my thoughts changed. Moving for uni just made me feel as if I could be a stronger person, stepping out on my own, and I could have a fresh start. And being away from certain people I think helped, because they triggered it.

Anorexia and SH, just wanted to share.

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