feeling unappreciated + got lots of stuff on my mind

i was best friends with this girl all the way through secondary school. im now in yr12 and we both chose different A levels. so we dont talk as much, but when we do talk, she talks to everyone but me. this really upsets me. she just gives me empty cant be bothered to talk to me looks. i dont know whether this is cos i have a hearing problem or whether its something ive done. she just simply doesnt talk to me anymore. ever since we started 6th form. i just feel like she doesnt appreciate our friendship. and that she just used me throughout secondary school. she ignores my texts and doesnt talk to me on msn. my friend this morning asked her if she was ok with me... she said yes....then why blank me if ive done nothing wrong.

on friday one of my other friends was really annoyed at me. shes going out with this lad but doesnt want anyone knowing. well on thursday i told this girl casually that she was going out with the lad. i didnt do it on purpose, it just came out. and well if she and the lad are going out...its hard to keep the relationship secret cos theyll be holding hands all over school.... well aptly ever since i told this girl....the next day- friday- everybody knew about it. and my friend was soooo upset she lost it in the corridor and sat down crying her eyes out and simply couldnt pull herself together. she was talking of going to college and dropping out of 6th form cos of me. which made me feelllll soooo guilty....
she did the same thing to me BUT WORSE and i forgave her. but i havnt pointed this out to her mainly cos i havnt seen her and cos shes avoiding me.
so thats 2 friends ive lost.

one of my friends is going to uni this year and im going to miss her loads..
ill still see her at the weekends maybe, im just going to miss her loads.

why i am losing all my friends :frown:

ive got an operation next week and well ive got all these stuff on my mind plus coursework.

ive got another one later on in the year which will leave me on crutches for many many months....... which is something else i have to think of.....

also ive only managed to get myself out of a painful and embarasing situation which ******ed me up big time. i was in a mess, and i felt suicidal and cut myself. i feel like relapsing...ive just managed to grow up a bit and pull myself together to get out of my pathetic situation, and this comes up.
ive got a really low self esteem-everyone says i do and i dont know how to bring it up again.
oh god i just want to curl up and die. i feel like no one cares about me. well i guess i know they do but i just feel unappreciated.

im just soo pathetic. any advice....

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

anyone...

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

please i really need some advice.

Reply 3

bronsonbear

1

Anonymous

anyone...

hey, I'm posting, but might take awhile! hold on...

Reply 4

NickiM

14

Sorry, am just off, but :hugs:

. Firstly, you're not pathetic in any way. Confidence also takes time to grow, it won't come overnight, but you can improve it. The girl whose relationship you told to someone else is probably just upset with you right now, you shouldn't have done it, but everyone makes mistakes like that. Given time, I should imagine that she'll come to forgive you. I hope the operation goes well :smile:

Sorry this isn't much help. Feel free to PM me though.

Reply 5

saasmi

hey.. NickiM is right. you're not pathetic in anyway. you'll only be so if you think you are. and about your friends.. some people/situations (well no..most) are difficult to deal with. I suggest you go talk to your friend in person.. and if her response isn't positive, she's better to let go. You'll meet other people and make new friends. just tryto build up your confidence. You're the best person that you can be. and the mistake you made.. if it was an honest mistake.. then have no regrets. what's done is done. :smile:

good luck with your operation.
:hugs:

Reply 6

bronsonbear

1

Anonymous

i was best friends with this girl all the way through secondary school. im now in yr12 and we both chose different A levels. so we dont talk as much, but when we do talk, she talks to everyone but me. this really upsets me. she just gives me empty cant be bothered to talk to me looks. i dont know whether this is cos i have a hearing problem or whether its something ive done. she just simply doesnt talk to me anymore. ever since we started 6th form. i just feel like she doesnt appreciate our friendship. and that she just used me throughout secondary school. she ignores my texts and doesnt talk to me on msn. my friend this morning asked her if she was ok with me... she said yes....then why blank me if ive done nothing wrong.

To be honest, there could be several reason why she's doing this.
1. She's not: she's suddenly met loads of new friends, sees them a lot more than she does you, and hasn't noticed that she isn't apprieciating you enough. It could just be you reading to much into things. To make sure it isn't this, make a real effort: ask her if she wants to go to the cinema, commnet that you haven't realy chatted in ages and would she like to catch up (do NOT say or even hint at the fact you think it's her fault: she'll be hurt and get angry) and try to get to know some of her new friends/find someone(s) you get on with that also gets along with her adn is in her new classes and go out shopping/cinema/etc together.
2. She's doing it slightly, but only becasue she's uncertain about how to reshufle socially inot sixth form. some people keep all their new friends, some developem toatly diffent frinedship circles, and she might eb confused as to which she should take. obviously she doesnt have to chose; she can do both, but you have to make it easier for her, if she's putting lots of effort into trying to make new friends (no slur on you btw!) then she might have decided she can't put as much into your friendship for awhile, and you'll ahve to picm up slack accordingly.
3. She's delibertely being nasty to you in the hope you'll levae her alone and she can get on with integrateing into her new social group. unfortunately, this sometimes happens, and it's hurtful but you've got to firmly wave goodbye and put loads of effort in to other people who deserve your friednship more.

How do other people at your school take your hearing problem? If she feels some popular people she wants to like her don't like you for it (you'd think scum like them would have been filtered out on the move to 6th form but no) then this maybe why she's giving you signals to leave her alone.

IMPORTANT: DON'T JUMP TO ANY CONCLUSIONS!! It's most likely to be 1, maybe sprinkled with a bit of 2, so talk to her about it, say you miss her, and follow advice in 1 if you can. only give up on her if she makes it clear to you that it's 3.

Anonymous

on friday one of my other friends was really annoyed at me. shes going out with this lad but doesnt want anyone knowing. well on thursday i told this girl casually that she was going out with the lad.

whoops... if i had a penny for every time i've put my foot in it...

Anonymous

i didnt do it on purpose, it just came out. and well if she and the lad are going out...its hard to keep the relationship secret cos theyll be holding hands all over school....

sounds like she was emmbarrised of him, which sounds kinda mean but again related to people fear about how they're going to fit in at their new school

Anonymous

well aptly ever since i told this girl....the next day- friday- everybody knew about it. and my friend was soooo upset she lost it in the corridor and sat down crying her eyes out and simply couldnt pull herself together. she was talking of going to college and dropping out of 6th form cos of me. which made me feelllll soooo guilty....

Anonymous

she did the same thing to me BUT WORSE and i forgave her. but i havnt pointed this out to her mainly cos i havnt seen her and cos shes avoiding me.

Ok, plan of action time: grovel big time, without bringing up the fact that she did worse to you at all. e-mail her (without expecting a reply), maybe send her flowers, with a sorry note, generally grovel. but not for too long... she'll either forgive you, (yeay!) decide that this treatment in nice and she wants it to continue so not forgive you (follow plan b), or not forgive you because she's an idiot and never will (wave goodbye to her, tell everyone what happened and that she did worse to you, and make some better friends.

plan B: (only if your brave enough mind, and this is a little drastic, so you mght want to just wave her goodbye as above anyway!)
if she ignores you're apologises becasue she likes having you under her little finger, (and i've been guilty of this!) snap her out of it. Talk to her (or e-mail/send a letter) saying you've had enough, you've tried to aplologise for 2 whole weeks (i'd reccomend 2) and she's still not forgiven you, even she'd done worse to you in the past and not forgiven you. after you've ranted for awhile tell her what kills you is that you still want to be frineds and forget the whole thing ever happned, but you need her forgiveness for that to happen.

Anonymous

so thats 2 friends ive lost.

one of my friends is going to uni this year and im going to miss her loads..
ill still see her at the weekends maybe, im just going to miss her loads.

aw honey that happned to me, miss one of my best friends like crazy cos she's a year above me and has gone to uni :frown:

)

Anonymous

why i am losing all my friends :frown:

becasue you're unfortunately the victim and a senario thats often played out on the move to 6th form. Not becasue they're anything wrong with you! You sound like a loyal and comapssionate friend who isn't appreiciated NEARLY enough.

Anonymous

ive got an operation next week and well ive got all these stuff on my mind plus coursework.

ive got another one later on in the year which will leave me on crutches for many many months....... which is something else i have to think of.....

you're having a tough time aren't you!
remember: 1st - your health
2nd - your school work
3rd - your friends. and if they are your friends, they'll know that that order is the right one.

Anonymous

also ive only managed to get myself out of a painful and embarasing situation which ******ed me up big time. i was in a mess, and i felt suicidal and cut myself. i feel like relapsing...ive just managed to grow up a bit and pull myself together to get out of my pathetic situation, and this comes up.

DON'T relapse. talk to your parents/a schol teacher/your GP/a school or other councellor (do this anyway - they'll give better advice than me!)- ANYTHING. IN situations like this, you need a support network, and if the people you knwo well enough to talk to this about are abandoning you you ahve to find it somewhere else.

Anonymous

ive got a really low self esteem-everyone says i do and i dont know how to bring it up again.

first step: don't believe you have to have low self esteem. a councellor will help you with tool to get that up, but don't focus on it. a lot of the time, if you think 'oh, i have terrible self esteem, wish it was higher' that'll make things worse! i've you want ideas on this ask or pm me.

Anonymous

im just soo pathetic. any advice....

No, your not. don't give in to whatever it is that's letting you that you are! You are capable of so much, you've managed to get yourself out of much before (which is a real achievement!) and, as i've said before, you're commasionate and loyal. they're the things i have top of my list of desirable friend qualities!

do pm me (if you can - don't know how the anonimous thing works - i know i can't pm you) or ask on this thread for more advice if you still feel totally lost.
B.Bear :smile:

Reply 7

cmh

8

Hey... you're gonna loose friends and make them throughout your life.

I have a friend who I've been mates with for years and then come sixthfrom we grew apart a lot but still talked on and off, I met new friends who are the best people I know. Also my best mate ever, since primary school, left London for sommerset that year too lol. Basically what I'm saying is, try and make up with them but if you cant, it might just be cuz youre all growing up in to diff people. You will find new friends. It sucks to think about it but its true.

feeling unappreciated + got lots of stuff on my mind

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