The Student Room Group

Afraid boyfriend hasn't got over ex

So, I've known this guy since October, and we've been going out for just over a month now. Past relationships came up in a conversation and I found out he was going out with his last girlfriend for 18 months and they only broke up before Christmas, so it's about 2-2 1/2 months ago now that they broke up. Of course this made me think that maybe he isn't over his ex and that I'm some sort of rebound. He assured me that this isn't the case at all, that it was a long distance relationship with her and he only saw her once a month or less and it just fizzled out. And that he's totally over her. I know a month or two isn't that short a space of time to wait before starting a new relationship but I can't help worrying about it. Then again he has assured me that there is nothing to worry about. I haven't had a real boyfriend for more than a few weeks myself so I don't know how it would feel.
I think he does really like me but I'm just afraid of getting hurt. I like him too and I don't want to push him away or nag him about this if it's a non-issue. I've waited to sleep with him so I can be sure he's not just after sex etc and also to protect myself from getting hurt as badly. Should I just go with the flow?
Reply 1
Go with the flow. if he is after sex he is just a fool. but he might be one of those guys that enjoy being in a relationship. sometimes i dont understand why people get in a relationship only for sex, while there are other people after another person, who they cannot get and who they genuinly like aswell. so annoying!!!
he seems ok though, i wouldnt get worried about his past relationship. some guys move on faster than others!!!
Go with the flow. Everyone's different and you get over each relationship at a different pace. I was with a guy for 3 years and our relationship became long distance and really did fizzle out, which sounds similar to your boyfriend's situation with his ex. I began seeing someone about 2 months after we split and can safely say that I was completely over my ex by this point, so it is possible that your new man is in the same situation.

Me and the second boyfriend ended up being together for 2 years. We split a month ago and I already know it's going to be months and months before I'm over this one. The moral is, every break up is different. If this guy didn't want to be with you he probably wouldn't be, and if he seems genuine, just go with the flow and let things develop naturally. Good luck x
I would just go with it and see how it all works out! My boyfriend had just come out of a long (although largely unhappy) relationship when we met and I was convinced I was a rebound thing. I was the same as you, waiting before getting too close, not getting excited about milestones such as Christmas, valentines etc. Then after a few months I realised that he really cared about me and we were happy than they had ever been....two and a half years on we're still good & I'm now definite I mean more than she ever did, so go for it! Be careful and don't get hurt, but do give it a chance! :smile: Good Luck :smile:
Unfortunately some people never get over their ex's, take a long time, or are over them before they split up. There is no set amount of time. Go with the flow and see what happens.
Reply 5
I don't think you can ever really tell if someone's over they're ex or not, but that's not to say he wont eventually. I'd go with the flow but be wary that you could just be the 'rebound girlfriend.'
Reply 6
Wha... I was neg repped for this.
Reply 7
Ooops no I wasn't wrong thread, sorry! :redface:

Oh and to the O.P your predicament sounds an awful lot like mine and my ex boyfriend's situation except the other way round (even the dates are spookily similar!) I hope it's nothing like it really though, 'cos my ex is being a right jerk to his new girlfriend.
Do rebound relationships actually exist?

I could understand rebound sex, but a RELATIONSHIP implies something more serious, and something with emotions, and something that would require a breakup if it was indeed not very serious. Which if you're emotionally crippled from a previous relationship, you wouldn't intend to put yourself through.

So I'd suggest if he's actually saying ok I want to be with you, he really does, because if anything having been hurt before by breaking up with somebody he is going to be MORE careful, and not do anything he isn't ready for.

Even if he is not over her completly, that doesn't stop him being able to be with somebody else. Back in late November/early December my girlfriend and I still weren't 100% over our previous relationships but we got together on the basis we were too damn good for eachother to let it go to waste, and nothing with the exes would happen again so why not, and a couple of months on, we've both moved on a lot and are fine. Nothing wrong with recovering over an ex whilst still being with somebody. :smile:
Reply 9
Actually it can happen, my ex is with this girl now just so he can get over another relationship, he's in a relationship for the sake of having a relationship without taking the other girl's feeling's into consideration if you see what I mean.

Though in relation to this thread, my ex boyfriend is hopefully just a one off jerk, and I agree with the above poster, it sounds like he wants to be with you know, so may you have a long and happy relationship :smile:.
miss_world
Actually it can happen, my ex is with this girl now just so he can get over another relationship, he's in a relationship for the sake of having a relationship without taking the other girl's feeling's into consideration if you see what I mean.

I guess different people with different personalities deal with things in different ways.

Personally I feel the situation would be worse by going into a false relationship, surely. Each to their own, and poor girl...
I don't really understand it to be honest either, and it's not relevant particularly to this thread, so I'll stop taking over with talk of my jerky ex boyfriend.
tis_me_lord
Do rebound relationships actually exist?

I could understand rebound sex, but a RELATIONSHIP implies something more serious, and something with emotions, and something that would require a breakup if it was indeed not very serious. Which if you're emotionally crippled from a previous relationship, you wouldn't intend to put yourself through.

So I'd suggest if he's actually saying ok I want to be with you, he really does, because if anything having been hurt before by breaking up with somebody he is going to be MORE careful, and not do anything he isn't ready for.

Even if he is not over her completly, that doesn't stop him being able to be with somebody else. Back in late November/early December my girlfriend and I still weren't 100% over our previous relationships but we got together on the basis we were too damn good for eachother to let it go to waste, and nothing with the exes would happen again so why not, and a couple of months on, we've both moved on a lot and are fine. Nothing wrong with recovering over an ex whilst still being with somebody. :smile:


I concur, especialy the last paragraph.

However, I will say that I know people (including myself, to an extent) who have used emotions, as opposed to/as well as sex, to get over an ex. When I broke up with my long-term boyfriend in May, I went a little mad. I started craving both love and freedom, and as a result completly fell for someone I shouldn't have and started sleeping with people I shouldn't have. I ended up being in love with one person (okay, he was a good friend of mine, not some random!), sleeping with another and in a relationship with yet another! (yeah, it was messy)

In my defence, I actualy thought I wanted all of this. I wasn't conciously using these people. However, as I calmed down and got over my ex, I woke up and realised how silly I was being. I maintained strong feelings for the guy I had fallen for, but I dropped the other two like hot bricks. Now, I have finaly managed to get over the ex (a good dose of hatred always works there) and am settled, very happy and very much in love with Ben.

So, you know, just to warn you :redface:
Well not everybody is a skank. :smile:
tis_me_lord
Well not everybody is a skank. :smile:


I'm not a skank :frown:
Schmokie Dragon
I'm not a skank :frown:


Ok ok, replace the "a" with "my" .. much better. :biggrin:
*grins*