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Stuck
I'm really unsure about whether to split up with my boyfriend.
To cut a long story short - I found out yesterday that he tried it on with one of my best mates, but nothing happened because she told him where to go. I also found out that he's said he isn't happy with me to a couple of my mates.
I spoke to him about it..he said that he hadn't been happy because I kept making contact with my ex (we split up well over a year ago, and have always been very close, as in best friends, since) and he doesn't like it. But he said that other than that then he was happy..
..but how can he be happy if he's trying it on with my best mate? He admitted it, and said that he was "confused" ( - I've yet to find out what the hell that means) and that it was a mistake. He said that she'd been giving him mixed signals and stuff, and that he was sorry and it would never happen again etc. etc.
I asked him out-right if he wanted to be with me, and he said that he did. So I asked why..as at the moment I'm finding it pretty hard to believe that he does. He said that without me he had no one else apart from his brother and mum, and that deep down he "loves me" and I "mean everything" to him.
Is this just him trying to worm his way out of the dog house by saying all of that stuff to me? I really want to believe that its all true, what he's said..but I still can't get over the fact that he tried it on with my best mate (I know nothing happened, but last year my best mate got with my ex a couple of days after we'd split up, so I'm sort of paranoid about it happening again).
Sorry about the length! Needed to let it out.
To cut a long story short - I found out yesterday that he tried it on with one of my best mates, but nothing happened because she told him where to go. I also found out that he's said he isn't happy with me to a couple of my mates.
I spoke to him about it..he said that he hadn't been happy because I kept making contact with my ex (we split up well over a year ago, and have always been very close, as in best friends, since) and he doesn't like it. But he said that other than that then he was happy..
..but how can he be happy if he's trying it on with my best mate? He admitted it, and said that he was "confused" ( - I've yet to find out what the hell that means) and that it was a mistake. He said that she'd been giving him mixed signals and stuff, and that he was sorry and it would never happen again etc. etc.
I asked him out-right if he wanted to be with me, and he said that he did. So I asked why..as at the moment I'm finding it pretty hard to believe that he does. He said that without me he had no one else apart from his brother and mum, and that deep down he "loves me" and I "mean everything" to him.
Is this just him trying to worm his way out of the dog house by saying all of that stuff to me? I really want to believe that its all true, what he's said..but I still can't get over the fact that he tried it on with my best mate (I know nothing happened, but last year my best mate got with my ex a couple of days after we'd split up, so I'm sort of paranoid about it happening again).
Sorry about the length! Needed to let it out.
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If you "meant everything" to him he wouldnt have tried it on with your friend. No two ways about it, if you love someone you dont try it on with someone else. Ultimately he shouldnt care about whether you're still friends with your ex. You are with him not your ex.
Im leaning towards dumping here,.
Im leaning towards dumping here,.
Thanks guys..you're probably both right. I so badly want to believe that what he's saying he's true, but I know I'd just be being naive if I did.
Anymore advice?
Anymore advice?
What if I don't want to dump him? What can I say to him to make him realise that it can't happen again?
If you dont want to dump him thats fine but isnt the fact that he tried it on with someone else going to play on your mind constantly? Everytime he goes out with some mates at a party or whatever. Trust is the foundation of a stable relationship. If you dont want to dump him confront him, say if he wants to continue being in this relationship he can not try it on with anyone ever again and if you find out he has threaten to dump him quick double.
Ultimately it is you choice but he has to be aware that you've been hurt and that it cant happen again.
Ultimately it is you choice but he has to be aware that you've been hurt and that it cant happen again.
Just found out that he also tried it on with another one of my mates, but he was absolutely hammered. Haven't confronted him about that one yet though.
Do you think being hammered is a good excuse for trying to cheat on you? Thats the excuse guys always use if they want to try and get away with something. If you really wanna stay with him, give him an ultimatum, make sure he knows he only gets 1 chance and he better not screw it up and try it on with anyone.
Sorry but for all you know he could have tried it on with your other mates and you dont know about that cause they went along with it, you only know about the rejections
Sorry but for all you know he could have tried it on with your other mates and you dont know about that cause they went along with it, you only know about the rejections
I personally say give him the benefit of the doubt. Obviously make it clear nothing like these incidents must ever happen again.
matt@internet
I personally say give him the benefit of the doubt. Obviously make it clear nothing like these incidents must ever happen again.
What makes you say that? Not saying you're wrong or anything - just wanted to know why you have that point of view, as no one I've spoken to has thought this..
how long have you been going out with him for?
The way you describe it makes me think he's generally confused about what he wants but seems almost, not quite, 100% sure that you are what he wants. And with regards to alcohol, I have a seemingly different opinion to others, in that I think it can be an excuse. Obviously not if he'd had 1 or 2 pints, but if he was totally hammered.
If you want him to take you into account, set his house on fire and kill his best friend with a baseball bat. Afterwards he will know for sure that he can't mess around with you.
Another potential alternative is to smoke his pipe... and put his dog in a blender with sulphuric acid. That would do.
Good lick!
Another potential alternative is to smoke his pipe... and put his dog in a blender with sulphuric acid. That would do.
Good lick!
Oh dear, what have we started now...
All the psychos are anon, u wonder why
All the psychos are anon, u wonder why
Everything I wanted to say has been pretty much said by smilernuts! How long have you been together for? And how many of your mates just haven't told you? It's possible he was successful in trying to get with one of them and they're keeping quiet about it.
Sounds like he just doesn't want to be alone and is using you as a fallback. I'd split up with him if I were you, because I know I would never be able to trust him again.
Sounds like he just doesn't want to be alone and is using you as a fallback. I'd split up with him if I were you, because I know I would never be able to trust him again.
He says he loves you but he's tried it on with someone else and told people he's not happy with you? Dump him. You deserve better.
Thanks for the opinions guys. I'll definately be saying pretty much everything you've all said (about how if he loves me then he wouldn't have tried to cheat on me and said he was unhappy) to him. Most probably will end up finishing with him unless he does something to majorly sway me.
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