Suicide, how to support a friend?

A very close friend at university has just told me that her best friend at home has commited suicide, I have no experience of this and obviously I can't imagine how she is feeling, this is the second time this has happened to her, she lost another close friend to this when she was 16. I just don't know what to do, or how to help her, I'm desperatly afraid that, given everything that has happened to her, she will be in danger herself but I don't think she is that kind of person at all and shes never mentioned to me anything like that.

I know theres nothing I can do to change the situation, but does anyone have any experience of this, and how to help and support her in anyway. I just feel helpless

Thanks alot guys

Reply 1

gagol

Tell her you are here for her, and if she needs to talk then your there to listen. Tell her that you cant immagine what its like but make sure she knows your a friend and that you will be there for her...

hope this help

Reply 2

Jennybean

13

I would just be there to listen whenever she wants to talk, which might be at surprising times, so be very sensitive to any signals that she is starting to open up in case you interrupt with something else and put her off. I would also strongly recommend putting her in touch with the uni counsellor asap - as this is the second time it has happened and it was, I presume, a big shock, she should ideally have professional support. If she's really averse to the idea then bear in mind what I've just said - that she will be in shock, even if perhaps she had an inkling it was on the cards. Don't expect her to cry for a good couple of days, although she might.

The nature of grief is that it comes in waves and may hit her at unexpected or unlikely times. Similarly she may feel numb or even indifferent at other times and make it clear that she isn't to feel guilty about that - it's perfectly natural. She might also feel angry that her friend has left her this way, and again that's natural and will probably pass, at least in its most raw form. Once she's over the very first of the shock, e.g. in a couple of weeks, she might find it helpful to talk about the good times, and perhaps write some of them down, stick pictures in a scrap book etc.

Probably the most important thing is that you make absolutely sure the university is aware of her situation, as it is inevitable that it will interfere with work and she will need time off for the funeral, perhaps to spend time with her family etc. Lastly I would encourage you, hard though it will be, to suspend your own feelings for a little while. She'll be feeling so anguished and mixed up that it's very possible she'll lash out, even if you're only trying to help, so you mustn't take it personally - if she says something nasty, just count to three, take a deep breath and give her a hug because it's probably when she's feeling at her most out of control. Just remember that it's not because she's actually angry at you, she's angry at life and you can't change that. It's only natural to feel a bit resentful about all this, and think "what about me?" but just remind yourself that it's not permanent and you are not suffering the way she is, and as you have said yourself, she may well be vulnerable to suicidal thoughts as well at a time like this. This will be a true test of your friendship but if you can support her through it you will reap the benefits at the other end because she'll surely remember how you stood by her.

Reply 3

unknown demon

15

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

tell her to read this. might help and be there for them as much as you can.

Suicide, how to support a friend?

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