The Student Room Group

Am I being selfish??

Me and my bf are on a 2 year course at college, and we have both applied for the degree which follows on from this course.

However, my bf didn't complete a lot of his work from the first year due to family problems, and had "unclassified" for all of his units from last years work. This year he has had to catch up on all the work in order to pass the course.

Anyway, in applying for this degree, he had to go through UCAS, and by the 11th January, he sill hadn't done so. He had a panic attack literally, so i said he could come round my house and do his UCAS here, which he did. I filled in the education part for him as it is a bit confusing, and he did the personal statement bit along with all the rest. Anyway it was sent off on Jan 12th.

So anyway, he found out today that he has a place on the degree, but what keeps sitting in my mind is that fact that if i hadn't let him come round my house and do his UCAS, he wouldn't have got on the degree cause his UCAS wouldn't have been done in time, and if in the future he dumps me, i'll have it all chucked back in my face. Do you think its selfish of me to think this?
Reply 1
No, you helped him complete his UCAS form. That was nice of you and something a good girlfriend would do. Why do you think he will chuck it back in your face? :s-smilie:
Reply 2
Ideally you should be doing favours for your boyfriend because of the feelings you have for him now, not for what might happen in the future! If you want more recognition or gratitude from your boyfriend for what you did for him, then tell him (gently) so, but otherwise just concentrate on the present for now.
Don't think that!!

You helped him out a lot! He should be really grateful that you were there for him and helped him get it done. If he ever throws it back in your face, that is just plain rude and I doubt he would mean it as you've helped him with the next stage of his life. If I were him, I'd be eternally grateful to you!
Rather than feeling selfish about it, you shoudl be feelign proud. You just helped your boyfriend get onto a degree course - that's a really cool acheivement. Rather than thinking about him taking your help for granted, think about how you helped someone else.

I'm forever helping other people do things and I know that you very rarely ever get any recognition for it, and sometimes it does feel like you're just being taken for granted. But trust me, your boyfriend appreciates your help (even if he hasn't said anything) and he'll always remember it. If you do ever break up, he'll always know you helped him during what sounds like a hard time in his life and he won't be "throwing" anything back in your face, but he'll be so grateful.
Reply 5
pikaboo
Ideally you should be doing favours for your boyfriend because of the feelings you have for him now, not for what might happen in the future! If you want more recognition or gratitude from your boyfriend for what you did for him, then tell him (gently) so, but otherwise just concentrate on the present for now.



How do i tell him gently?
Reply 6
Anonymous
How do i tell him gently?


To be honest I'm rubbish at this sort of thing. What I'd do is kind of hint that you're glad he got the form in on time and hope he remembers that you helped him. It's difficult if he's the kind of guy who doesn't express his feelings much and isn't the type to remember favours. And tread carefully if he's proud and doesn't like thanking others for assisting him! Otherwise, like the others have said, be proud of yourself that you did a good deed and leave it at that.
Reply 7
pikaboo
To be honest I'm rubbish at this sort of thing. What I'd do is kind of hint that you're glad he got the form in on time and hope he remembers that you helped him. It's difficult if he's the kind of guy who doesn't express his feelings much and isn't the type to remember favours. And tread carefully if he's proud and doesn't like thanking others for assisting him! Otherwise, like the others have said, be proud of yourself that you did a good deed and leave it at that.


Unfortunaly he is like this :s-smilie:
Reply 8
pinkpinkuk
No, you helped him complete his UCAS form. That was nice of you and something a good girlfriend would do. Why do you think he will chuck it back in your face? :s-smilie:


The only reason i think this would happen is because I am his first proper gf, and we talk about the future like marriage and kids etc, even though its still early days; this makes me worry though, cause it might be that he will miss out on meeting other people, so may want freedom