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This is more for my benefit-getting it off my chest but any advice,would be cool!
Ok this is long story but have to get off my chest and also need advice as to whether there is anything I can do.
Basically up until a month ago I was going out with a great guy who happened to be Sikh. We'd had our eye on each other for a long time and he plucked up the courage to talk to me. We got on fantastically and completely fell in love. He waited a while to break the news to his parents, but assured me that they wouldn't have a problem with him dating a "British girl" and would be happy that he'd met someone who made him so happy.
So, time comes for me to meet his parents and his mum doesn't even acknowledge me. Afterwards he said that she went mental at him and didn't want me near the house/parking outside the house/being seen by anyone in the neighbourhood. He said he didn't care and that if it meant disowning his family then he would. So, we fell in love big time, talked of marriage, kids, he would say I was his life, etc but the crap at home continued. His aunt and sister would ring him saying that his mum was unhappy and that he was the cause and that he should think of settling down with anyone as long as she was brown.
I really believed he was strong enough to deal with this and he said it didn't matter what they thought as he loved me so much. So 3 weeks ago he rang me and said it was over and that he was getting back with his ex (who was sikh, same caste, etc) as it was the right thing to do, which confused the hell outta me as I know he had really bad time with her and hated her. He was so cold on the phone told me he lied about loving me, etc. I decided best way to cope was to not contact him at all. Felt like i'd lost the love of my life and was really struggling to cope. A week later he texted me to say that the truth was he did love me and he said all those things as two people were listening on the other line (I guess his mum & aunt). Told me he had to make it so I would hate him and not contact him again but that he'd made a big mistake and that he couldn't lose me again, that he wouldn't give up on me and begging me not to give up on him, even if people didn't think it was right. After that I didn't hear from him for a week which cut me up again. Then he continued to ring me all day a week later and asked me to ring him. So i text back asking if he wanted to talk and I haven't heard from him since.
I'm so confused. I can't believe people would be malicious enough to split us up. I really didn't think culture, etc would be an issue as he was more western than me! Just wanted to know if anyone had a similar story. Do you think you can turn against the wants of your family to be with someone u love? Do u think he just didn't love me? I mean he said so many things that weren't initiated by me in anyway. I mean, i'm a decent girl, not a slapper or anything. I'm so desperate for him back but fear he is back with his ex and will settle down with her because of pressure. Is there anything I can do? I'm sick of being dignified and quiet.
I have Indian mates who have said there was no chance it was gonna work and i was bound to be sacrified. I'm just so shocked that this view exists in certain communities.
This is way too long for anyone to respond but it's done me some good getting it off my chest. Please don't anyone reply if u don't want to!
Sorry!
Basically up until a month ago I was going out with a great guy who happened to be Sikh. We'd had our eye on each other for a long time and he plucked up the courage to talk to me. We got on fantastically and completely fell in love. He waited a while to break the news to his parents, but assured me that they wouldn't have a problem with him dating a "British girl" and would be happy that he'd met someone who made him so happy.
So, time comes for me to meet his parents and his mum doesn't even acknowledge me. Afterwards he said that she went mental at him and didn't want me near the house/parking outside the house/being seen by anyone in the neighbourhood. He said he didn't care and that if it meant disowning his family then he would. So, we fell in love big time, talked of marriage, kids, he would say I was his life, etc but the crap at home continued. His aunt and sister would ring him saying that his mum was unhappy and that he was the cause and that he should think of settling down with anyone as long as she was brown.
I really believed he was strong enough to deal with this and he said it didn't matter what they thought as he loved me so much. So 3 weeks ago he rang me and said it was over and that he was getting back with his ex (who was sikh, same caste, etc) as it was the right thing to do, which confused the hell outta me as I know he had really bad time with her and hated her. He was so cold on the phone told me he lied about loving me, etc. I decided best way to cope was to not contact him at all. Felt like i'd lost the love of my life and was really struggling to cope. A week later he texted me to say that the truth was he did love me and he said all those things as two people were listening on the other line (I guess his mum & aunt). Told me he had to make it so I would hate him and not contact him again but that he'd made a big mistake and that he couldn't lose me again, that he wouldn't give up on me and begging me not to give up on him, even if people didn't think it was right. After that I didn't hear from him for a week which cut me up again. Then he continued to ring me all day a week later and asked me to ring him. So i text back asking if he wanted to talk and I haven't heard from him since.
I'm so confused. I can't believe people would be malicious enough to split us up. I really didn't think culture, etc would be an issue as he was more western than me! Just wanted to know if anyone had a similar story. Do you think you can turn against the wants of your family to be with someone u love? Do u think he just didn't love me? I mean he said so many things that weren't initiated by me in anyway. I mean, i'm a decent girl, not a slapper or anything. I'm so desperate for him back but fear he is back with his ex and will settle down with her because of pressure. Is there anything I can do? I'm sick of being dignified and quiet.
I have Indian mates who have said there was no chance it was gonna work and i was bound to be sacrified. I'm just so shocked that this view exists in certain communities.
This is way too long for anyone to respond but it's done me some good getting it off my chest. Please don't anyone reply if u don't want to!
Sorry!
Poor you, you sound like you've been through a lot 
Unfortunately this is not uncommon and Im not surprised to be honest. I have a Muslim friend who once told me that if she had ever married someone from a different religion, that her family would have probably killed her. Literally.
I guess the only thing you can do is move on, its obvious you love this man but if he is getting that sort of response from his family, chances are he will give into their pressure. Unfortunately theres not much you or he can do, if he's willing to sacrifice his family for you then so be it, but it sounds as though he is unable to do this. I think you are better off forgetting him, I know that sounds harsh, but there doesnt seem to be any other way around it.
Unfortunately this is not uncommon and Im not surprised to be honest. I have a Muslim friend who once told me that if she had ever married someone from a different religion, that her family would have probably killed her. Literally.
I guess the only thing you can do is move on, its obvious you love this man but if he is getting that sort of response from his family, chances are he will give into their pressure. Unfortunately theres not much you or he can do, if he's willing to sacrifice his family for you then so be it, but it sounds as though he is unable to do this. I think you are better off forgetting him, I know that sounds harsh, but there doesnt seem to be any other way around it.
How long were you guys together?
It sounds like an awful situation and i really dont know what i'd do if i was in your situation. Its hard when other people are influencing a relationship which, in reality is nothing about them. Who cares if your family doesnt like your girlfriend? Its not like its them that has to spend their life with them.
I guess your only choice is to move on, if his family are going to make it impossible for you to be together by the way they treat him then theres nothing you can do
It sounds like an awful situation and i really dont know what i'd do if i was in your situation. Its hard when other people are influencing a relationship which, in reality is nothing about them. Who cares if your family doesnt like your girlfriend? Its not like its them that has to spend their life with them.
I guess your only choice is to move on, if his family are going to make it impossible for you to be together by the way they treat him then theres nothing you can do
True love makes you wait. Wait and see if it's true.
I am sorry to hear that though. If he tried to text u back etc I think he might of been pressured. Try to carry on with your life, if it is true love then you two will be together, if not, then you'll find someone you love more. In the meanwhile try to carry on with your life
aw, you guys are so frigging helpful with ur advice. thank u so much. u really dont know how much it helps. and ur right, if he meant the things he said then love should eventually conquer all!
i think he contacted me to let me know he does love me, but it's all pointless if we still can't be together.
i'm gonna work on improving my life and being everything i want.
just takes time.
but honestly, THANK U SO MUCH!
i think he contacted me to let me know he does love me, but it's all pointless if we still can't be together.
i'm gonna work on improving my life and being everything i want.
just takes time.
but honestly, THANK U SO MUCH!
Unfortunately I think religion, culture and family beliefs are much of an issue than people realise. Normally when you marry someone, you marry into their whole family and if they won't accept you, it makes things incredibly difficult. I couldn't imagine losing my parents, siblings and entire family for a guy (not that my family would do that). And if he did cut himself off from them, he might well resent you later.
Hey there
I just want to say I went through something similar last year, and I kno how much it hurts and how shocked you are that such attitudes still exist. It is damned unfair. All i can say is that in my case, after a couple of months he stood up to his parents and they were shocked into accepting that their son saw beyond skin colour and caste. So I wish u the best and hope the same happens to u
I just want to say I went through something similar last year, and I kno how much it hurts and how shocked you are that such attitudes still exist. It is damned unfair. All i can say is that in my case, after a couple of months he stood up to his parents and they were shocked into accepting that their son saw beyond skin colour and caste. So I wish u the best and hope the same happens to u
I think you've got to remember that even if he is very Western / liberal it doesn't mean that his family are, and even if his direct nuclear family are (which to be honest they don't sound it) then behind the scenes there's going to be a lot of extended family who not only don't approve but actually think what you two are doing is wrong. Two months in and my (Indian) boyfriend's parents don't know I exist... which if their reaction is anything like your guy's parents' reaction is probably a very good thing But trust me... I sympathise. I would rationalise it like this: is this something that feels nice now and makes you happy now but is unlikely to last in the future e.g. when you're at uni (sorry no idea how young you are now) You sound pretty loved up - but I would say only take the flack if you see a future for it
But trust me... I sympathise. I would rationalise it like this: is this something that feels nice now and makes you happy now but is unlikely to last in the future e.g. when you're at uni (sorry no idea how young you are now) You sound pretty loved up - but I would say only take the flack if you see a future for it 
I really feel for you. It definitely sounds like he really loves you, and you obviously love him so hold onto that. True love prevails above all other things. Yeh, the situation sucks but someday you'll find a way around it. If two people are meant to be together, one way or another they will be.
Bekaboo
I think you've got to remember that even if he is very Western / liberal it doesn't mean that his family are, and even if his direct nuclear family are (which to be honest they don't sound it) then behind the scenes there's going to be a lot of extended family who not only don't approve but actually think what you two are doing is wrong. Two months in and my (Indian) boyfriend's parents don't know I exist... which if their reaction is anything like your guy's parents' reaction is probably a very good thing But trust me... I sympathise. I would rationalise it like this: is this something that feels nice now and makes you happy now but is unlikely to last in the future e.g. when you're at uni (sorry no idea how young you are now) You sound pretty loved up - but I would say only take the flack if you see a future for it
But trust me... I sympathise. I would rationalise it like this: is this something that feels nice now and makes you happy now but is unlikely to last in the future e.g. when you're at uni (sorry no idea how young you are now) You sound pretty loved up - but I would say only take the flack if you see a future for it Is that boyfriend a certain fresher from Teddy Hall, perchance? Sorry, I'm just nosey :P
I have an Indian (Hindu) friend who has had similar problems with her own family being very much against her dating white boys. Luckily she's now found herself a nice Indian lad, who's she's very happy with, but I know it was a problem when she was younger, and it upset her a lot.
One thing that annoyed her a hell of a lot, was that her brother (about ten years older) had married someone who was a Buddhist, but her parents were ok with it because she was Asian too. It all seems very sad, and I wish you the best with it. I hope you find a way to be happy, I guess things might change in the future if this guy moves out of his parents home... but yeah, good luck.Bekaboo
Hehe it took you until now to figure that out? I thought word had spread by now 
Yep it's him.
Yep it's him. Yep, obviously I'm a little slow :P Congratulations anyway, I bet you two are really sweet together
ive herad stories where parent come round. Keep on at it..understand theers a different culture involved one where "respect" is highly prised. If you meet his parents again act and be extra respectful, not saying you wernt but the importance is higher there than in western culture.
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