Fantasising about ex? - But not that way...

Even though I broke up with my ex nearly 3 years ago I still find myself thinking about him. But not in a good way. I'm still angry at him for the way he treated me and cheated on me. I want him to see how happy I am now.

Especially since he cheated on me, broke up with me, then tried to get back together with me (and I said no :smile:

) He sent me a few whiny texts saying he missed me and it was a mistake breaking up and I ignored them. I mean he really hurt me, he pretty much messed up my life. All my 'friends' who didn't even know him before we were together went off with him. It killed my social life in a day :rolleyes:

He kept hounding me till I had to call the police. It was bad.

But I sometimes feel like I want to upset him. I want him to be attracted to me and know he can't have me. I want him to seem me with my lovely boyfriend and see how perfectly he treats me. I want to make him so jealous.

But after 3 years do you think this is kinda neurotic? Or is it just a natural reaction to how much he hurt me? I know people fantasise about their exes in a sexual way sometimes, so can it work the other way? Can you fantasise about hurting your ex? :s-smilie:

Reply 1

Jennybean

I would say this is fairly natural in small doses...I had an incredibly humiliating breakup with someone just over two years ago now, and I still feel that burning embarrassment that I let someone treat me like that whenever I think about it. It also makes me feel incredibly angry that someone could be so arrogant, condescending, patronising and hurtful. Rar. So yes sometimes I do wish he could see me now - more confident, far happier and with a boyfriend a hundred million times better. I also would be lying if I said I don't get a kind of smug pleasure knowing he hasn't slept with anyone since or even had any kind of real relationship with a girl. It just brings home the fact that I was a complete doormat and he hasn't managed to find anyone else to put up with him like I did. But I would say that if these thoughts are getting to the point where you are worried about your anger or your ability to let go, or if it's interfering with any other aspects of your life, you should perhaps talk to someone about resentment and moving on in life? Just a thought really.

Reply 2

pixiepeep

I do it all the time - I've lost a lot of weight since we split up, and I've got some very good looking male friends (who he would still hate). I think when someone hurts you, you just want to prove that you're stronger than they thought you were, and that you don't need them. As long as you don't go out of your way to do anything to create the jealousy etc. then it's perfectly normal.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Its good to know I'm not the only one who feels like this!

I wouldn't say its affecting my life. I just get the feeling sometimes when I'm happy or content - "If only he could see me now!" :smile:

My ex hasn't got a girl since me either, and I agree, it does make me realise what an idiot I was to put up with him in the first place.

I know who subbed you, Jenny...