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Paranoia...
Ok, I'm going to start from the beginning.
I detest children and can't ever see myself having them. Since I was 17 this has led to me worrying about getting pregnant. Whenever I had a boyfriend, after we'd held hands I'd go and wash my hands a few times before going to the toilet incase I got pregnant after my hands touched the toilet paper. If we were standing up kissing and he pulled me closer to him I'd worry for days about getting pregnant because our fronts were pressed together. That sort of stuff.
I started University this September (studying Psychology, which is why I can see I think I have a problem) and by late October had a boyfriend. I hadn't had one for a year so thought my worries might have gone away. It actually got worse. When we were just kissing on his bed with all of our clothes on, I always had to stop it because I feared that I would become pregnant from him rubbing himself against me.
My friend then maybe suggested I should go to a counsellor. I thought the idea was ridiculous because I did Psychology and I've studied the type of people who go for it. So I dismissed her idea. She said that was ok but then suggested I go on the pill. She took me to the family planning clinic and I went on it.
I started taking it but was still getting so worked up about getting pregnant I was sick everytime he laid on top of me, touched my hand etc, which probably would have made the pill inactive.
I never slept with him or did anything but decided to break it off. I stayed on the pill even though I wasn't going out with him because then I started thinking about what happens if I get pregnant from sitting in the bath or sitting on the toilet (cos my Uni accomodation is mixed)
However, last month I came off it because I was becoming ill. On Wednesday I met a guy and yesterday we had a date. He took me out for tea and then we came back to mine to watch a film. He started kissing me, me on bottom and he on top. Once he got hard I broke the kissing and said I was going to the bathroom. I went down the corridor to my friend's room and was sick in her toilet and then asked if I could wash my hands, which I washed 3 times cos my hands had touched his and he might have touched himself.
She was watching me, cos I was shaking and that's when I admitted I think I had a problem and needed help. She nodded and said "I knew you had a worry but I didn't know it was this extreme" She hugged me and reassured me, so I went back to my room.
We still kissed but whenever I felt him get hard and rub his jeans against mine, I stopped. After the film he asked for another date. And I said yeah. He kissed me and left.
I went back to my friend's room and was sick again and then I started crying cos I was so worked up about it and she just hugged me until I was feeling better.
I don't know what to do. I really don't. I know this is paranoia and I know it's delusional and irrational but I don't want to see him again, until I go back on the pill. And I know IF we ever did have sex with me on the pill and him with a condom I'd still be freaked out about getting pregnant. I know I would.
And I KNOW I'm paranoid and deep deep down I know it's impossible for me to get pregnant with him just lying on top of me, or even if he ejaculates, as long as we're fully clothed I can't get pregnant. But when it get's to the crunch I can't handle it and start to panic to the extreme.
I'm sorry this is so long, I just really wanted some advice on here. Should I go to the Doctor's? Or a counsellor? Or should I go to the clinical Uni Psychology lecturer?
Thanks x
I detest children and can't ever see myself having them. Since I was 17 this has led to me worrying about getting pregnant. Whenever I had a boyfriend, after we'd held hands I'd go and wash my hands a few times before going to the toilet incase I got pregnant after my hands touched the toilet paper. If we were standing up kissing and he pulled me closer to him I'd worry for days about getting pregnant because our fronts were pressed together. That sort of stuff.
I started University this September (studying Psychology, which is why I can see I think I have a problem) and by late October had a boyfriend. I hadn't had one for a year so thought my worries might have gone away. It actually got worse. When we were just kissing on his bed with all of our clothes on, I always had to stop it because I feared that I would become pregnant from him rubbing himself against me.
My friend then maybe suggested I should go to a counsellor. I thought the idea was ridiculous because I did Psychology and I've studied the type of people who go for it. So I dismissed her idea. She said that was ok but then suggested I go on the pill. She took me to the family planning clinic and I went on it.
I started taking it but was still getting so worked up about getting pregnant I was sick everytime he laid on top of me, touched my hand etc, which probably would have made the pill inactive.
I never slept with him or did anything but decided to break it off. I stayed on the pill even though I wasn't going out with him because then I started thinking about what happens if I get pregnant from sitting in the bath or sitting on the toilet (cos my Uni accomodation is mixed)
However, last month I came off it because I was becoming ill. On Wednesday I met a guy and yesterday we had a date. He took me out for tea and then we came back to mine to watch a film. He started kissing me, me on bottom and he on top. Once he got hard I broke the kissing and said I was going to the bathroom. I went down the corridor to my friend's room and was sick in her toilet and then asked if I could wash my hands, which I washed 3 times cos my hands had touched his and he might have touched himself.
She was watching me, cos I was shaking and that's when I admitted I think I had a problem and needed help. She nodded and said "I knew you had a worry but I didn't know it was this extreme" She hugged me and reassured me, so I went back to my room.
We still kissed but whenever I felt him get hard and rub his jeans against mine, I stopped. After the film he asked for another date. And I said yeah. He kissed me and left.
I went back to my friend's room and was sick again and then I started crying cos I was so worked up about it and she just hugged me until I was feeling better.
I don't know what to do. I really don't. I know this is paranoia and I know it's delusional and irrational but I don't want to see him again, until I go back on the pill. And I know IF we ever did have sex with me on the pill and him with a condom I'd still be freaked out about getting pregnant. I know I would.
And I KNOW I'm paranoid and deep deep down I know it's impossible for me to get pregnant with him just lying on top of me, or even if he ejaculates, as long as we're fully clothed I can't get pregnant. But when it get's to the crunch I can't handle it and start to panic to the extreme.
I'm sorry this is so long, I just really wanted some advice on here. Should I go to the Doctor's? Or a counsellor? Or should I go to the clinical Uni Psychology lecturer?
Thanks x
You definitely need to talk to someone qualified in things like this, like a counsellor. There's much less of a stigma attached to counselling than there once was, don't worry about what anyone might think of you. It's more important that you get over this, so that you can have a healthy love/sex life. Have you considered talking to your new boy about how you feel? It might be worth a shot, as if you keep running off and backing away any time he tries anything he's going to get the wrong impression.
In the mean time, does it really make no difference that you KNOW you're not going to get pregnant through kissing and holding hands? It's so unlikely, even when he's hard, that anything would get onto his hands, then transfer onto yours, and then get inside you, that it's barely even worth considering.
In the mean time, does it really make no difference that you KNOW you're not going to get pregnant through kissing and holding hands? It's so unlikely, even when he's hard, that anything would get onto his hands, then transfer onto yours, and then get inside you, that it's barely even worth considering.
Feefifofum
You definitely need to talk to someone qualified in things like this, like a counsellor. There's much less of a stigma attached to counselling than there once was, don't worry about what anyone might think of you. It's more important that you get over this, so that you can have a healthy love/sex life. Have you considered talking to your new boy about how you feel? It might be worth a shot, as if you keep running off and backing away any time he tries anything he's going to get the wrong impression.
In the mean time, does it really make no difference that you KNOW you're not going to get pregnant through kissing and holding hands? It's so unlikely, even when he's hard, that anything would get onto his hands, then transfer onto yours, and then get inside you, that it's barely even worth considering.
In the mean time, does it really make no difference that you KNOW you're not going to get pregnant through kissing and holding hands? It's so unlikely, even when he's hard, that anything would get onto his hands, then transfer onto yours, and then get inside you, that it's barely even worth considering.
Yeah, I have considered talking to him but figured it would freak him out a little and I also wanted to sort my thoughts out first. I have told him I'm not the best at relationships and do panic and he said all I have to do is let him know.
When I think about it, like now, I know it's impossible and there's just no way but whenever I'm with a boyfriend all those thoughts just seem to drop and all I think of is "ohmygod I could get pregnant" and "If I don't stop this could lead to sex and then I will get pregnant" etc etc
I think I'll go speak to the Uni counsellor on Monday. Thanks guys.
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