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Just not dating material?

Is it possible just to never be considered as a possible partner?
I'm a 19 year old male and girls have never so much as expressed an intrest in being anything more than friends with me. I'm no social recluse and I have plenty of friends, both male and female, but when it comes to anything more, I've got nothing, not even any potential. We always hear how personality and sense of humour are so important, but after a night chatting and making girls laugh, I duly watch as they pair off with some idiot they're going to complain to me about later. I feel very much as if I have gay best friend syndrome, which would be all super and good if I were gay, but I'm not.

It like girls just don't see me in a romantic context at all, as if the thought doesn't even cross their mind, even for a fleeting second.

Does anyone else experience this? Any advice? Is it time to put on some comfy trousers and prepare to die alone, an old man spinster with hundreds of cats?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

lol you may not actually be gay, but do you ACT gay? Are you a girly kinda guy that can talk about clothes and relationship problems til the cows come home?

It's not just about being good company and making someone laugh, it's about making her feel feminine by being masculine..

But then again if you were that type of guy it's really not worth/not possible to get a complete personality overhaul. I think therefore your only realistic choice is to be yourself, wait til someone who wants your type comes along. Plenty of my gay-ish guy friends have been successful this way.. just make sure you let girls know you ARE interested in them in that way.

Reply 2

sidi

1

Have you ever actually asked a girl out?

Reply 3

Bubblebee

15

Have you tried suggesting to them you could be more, like say by flirting? Maybe they don't realise you are there in a romantic sense because you seem like you just want to stay in the friend zone!

Reply 4

Joce

Maybe you could be more forward. If you are intereted in someone, make a move. Otherwise you may get stuck in the whole just a friend phase if you dont make it clear that you want something more. Put yourself out there a bit more maybe.

Reply 5

loz_fairy

8

Hey, I always go for the guy that most people overlook, so there are women out there who will find you!

Just keep on looking, keep on meeting people, it'll work itself out :smile:

Reply 6

grace

15

sorry to say, but i do believe some people just aren't dating material. There are plenty of old bachelors/spinsters who just never had any luck in relationships; i even know one 50-something year old man who has never even kissed anyone. I think it's sad, but i guess relationships just aren't for everyone.

Reply 7

goodmen

13

Do you ever make a move or do you sit there angry as the idiot guys just come over and try it on

Reply 8

2weird2live2rare2die

OP

I wouldn't say I was really gay-ish, I have plenty of guy mates as well and I'm no fashion expert. I reckon I may just be more willing to talk about non-macho stuff than your average guy rather than being militantly hetrosexual all the time and refusing to offer opinions.

Yeah, I can do the whole flirting/cheeky innuendo type thing, but at the same time, girls either think I'm joking or realise I'm attempting to flirt and then things will get very awkward very quickly. Its strictly one way traffic and I'd rather not flog the dead horse.

I've not asked any girls out properly as I've never met one that I thought would say yes.

If I try to be too forward about stuff like this, it just sounds forced and unnatural, and kind of at odds with the rest of my personality.

I wouldn't say I get angry about it, I've come to accept it as an inevitablity. If something positive was going to happen it would, before the idiot guy had come along, so who am I to force the issue and probably ruin my night and hers. There's no point trying it on, if I'm not getting any signals that I should.

Reply 9

sidi

1

I've not asked any girls out properly as I've never met one that I thought would say yes.

Maybe this is where you're going wrong. You're making too many assumptions about how other people will react. You're worrying too much about rejection which may not even happen. Just try asking one girl out for a drink, nothing heavy, then if she says no what have you lost?

Reply 10

Minardi

12

grace

sorry to say, but i do believe some people just aren't dating material. There are plenty of old bachelors/spinsters who just never had any luck in relationships; i even know one 50-something year old man who has never even kissed anyone. I think it's sad, but i guess relationships just aren't for everyone.

Just a random one but my great uncles like that. He's 55 odd, but just never got with anyone. He spends most of his time restoring old bikes, along with work, and then does mad cap 1000 mile road runs on them! Mad.

Min

Reply 11

Minardi

12

sidi

I've not asked any girls out properly as I've never met one that I thought would say yes.

Maybe this is where you're going wrong. You're making too many assumptions about how other people will react. You're worrying too much about rejection which may not even happen. Just try asking one girl out for a drink, nothing heavy, then if she says no what have you lost?

Ego?

I have self confidence issues as well, theyve got worse since I've been at uni - I had got on top of them! Ah well, life goes on. Pass me a Vodka.

Reply 12

2weird2live2rare2die

OP

sidi

Maybe this is where you're going wrong. You're making too many assumptions about how other people will react. You're worrying too much about rejection which may not even happen. Just try asking one girl out for a drink, nothing heavy, then if she says no what have you lost?

I see your point, but to warrant asking there must be some kind of reciprocation of attraction, and thats just the point there doesn't seem to be any. I see girls giving the right signals all the time (they're not as subtle as they think they are), but just not in my direction. Unless girls are especially good at masking their feelings towards me, or I'm missing something, I think I would be onto a loser everytime.

What have I lost? Nothing tangible I suppose, but obviously self-esteem (not that I'm rolling in the stuff now) and a potential friendship. I guess I'm not too great at dealing with rejection, which is something I'll need to work through if I'm ever going to get this whole "more than friends" thing sorted out!

Reply 13

p_scrub

Judging from your first post, it seems like you're not keeping enough distance from your female friends. Romantic feelings are difficult to develop as good friends when you BOTH know each other TOO well. Just no room for imagination.

Reply 14

sidi

1

What I was trying to say was just invite a girl out, not particularly on a date, but more on an individual friendship level. Then you'll have a chance to get to know her better and vice versa. There doesn't have to be instant attraction. Sometimes the people who are most worth knowing need time to be understood. If this is you just try developing friendships individually instead of being out in a crowd all the time.

Just not dating material?

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