Ex moving on

hmm -

everyone takes time to heal -- and the time taken is different for each individual -- maybe, although it sounds cruel -- he wants to speeden it up so that he can get over you faster?

Of course it hurts, that's completely natural. If it helps, I read an article in a girlie magazine once, written by a guy, that said women always get upset when they see how their exes are doing after a split, thinking that because they've gone out, got drunk with their mates, slept with a floozy and boasted about it to anyone who'll listen the next day, they're over it. But the author said that this is in fact the male equivalent of sitting at home, listening to Damien Rice and crying into a pillow. Just because your ex is giving the outward appearance of having moved on, doesn't mean he has. In fact it could be a dead giveaway to how much he's suffering - he is missing you so much he is literally looking for a replacement 'you'. Can I ask why you broke up if it was so traumatic? Is there no way you could try asking him if he'd want to give things another go?

Jennybean, thank you so much. I'm about to give you rep for that post. Lots of people have said nice, helpful things to me, but that's the first one that has actually made me feel better (namely because I know he's out, getting drunk with his mates and probably pulling, tonight, whilst I'm sitting at home doing the Damien Rice thing). What you said rings true though, because I know he was as gutted by the break up as I was, and perhaps this is just his way of dealing with those same feelings, rather than a sign that he's over me.

We broke up for a number of reasons, all to do with major external factors rather than either of our feelings having changed... it's a long and complicated story so I won't bore you with the details now. I do think it's possible that someday we could give things another go, but a) I don't know if he would think so and am scared to put that out there and ruin the friendship we have at the moment, and b) I'm finishing my degree 150 miles away for the next few months and don't think I can work on rebuilding a relationship whilst I'm doing my dissertation/finals and can't see him. I went to pieces when we split up and it's already affected my uni work considerably. (I did try and meet up with him last week but he cancelled at the last minute, and that was the last chance to see him until Easter, and it's not a conversation I'd want to have by phone). I've kept the possibility in my mind, though, and I think that's why it hurt all the more when I realised he's already actively looking for another partner, and thus perhaps ruling out *any* chance of us ever rekindling things.

Thanks again for such a lovely post x