19 next week... no friends, no girlfriend, cant get along with ppl

Last year I finished school and having completed my A-Levels got into a university which im starting this yr (i'm working for an IT company in berkshire in my gap year until then)

I'm happy about it all. However... I'm 19 next week, but i have nobody to celebrate it with. I have no friends.

Although I live with two other gap year students, we are all very different and dont really go out together.
I didnt have many friends when i was in the last years at secondary school and none in sixth form (well, not the kind of friends who you would want to stay in touch with once the school is over). I was a very sociable person several years ago but i suppose the older you grow the more difficult it becomes to get along with new people. Or maybe its just me...

Every Valentine's day in my life sucked. And birthdays sucked too cause my bday is in february. For my 17th bday I invited 20 people for a party, but only 2 turned up.
And the 18th was not fun cause i was completely alone.

Ive never had a proper girlfriend - the last few attempts resulted in either me being dumped or falling into the 'friends only' category.
Everything was fine for the first few weeks when we were trying to get to know each other - they seemed interested in me, said I had a sense of humour and never told me I was boring. Anyways, at the end i have never been 'the right person' for anyone. And I got nothing in reply when I tried to find out whats wrong with me exactly.
Since i was last dumped i stopped looking in order not to be seen desparate but obviously nothing became different.

I barely kissed (last time was probably about 1.5-2 years ago), and cant say i had sex either. Some people might say being a male virgin at 19 is alright and admirable, but there is a difference between purposefully waiting until marriage and being unwanted...

When i was at school i thought everything would change once i start my gap year. But nothing changed. And now simply waiting until uni is just scary and depressing.

I dont like going out in clubs: i cant say im extremely good looking. I am only about 167cm at most (5'6'' roughly) and i just look like a lost kid there... I'd like to improve myself physically, but I can't go to gym often due to a health condition.

It really sucks... I have lots of contacts on my msn and in the address book in my mobile, but i looked at the call list today: the last call made was on the 14th (nobody answered), and the last call received was at the end of January.

I just dont know what to do... i dont want to stay alone forever.

Sorry for this long rant. I had better days in my life. :s-smilie:

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Reply 1

Rouge

you sound like a well-grounded and nice person, what do you think is the reason that you think your alone, is it cos you don't make enough effort, or that other people dont like you?
also why can't you go to the gym, surely exercise is good for any conditon?

Reply 2

dynamism

Just force yourself on people you'd like to be friends with. If you think you'd have something in common, talk to them and hang around them whenever possible. If they really don't like you eventually they'll make it clear and might inadvertently point out what's wrong with your personality so you can try to change.

Reply 3

TheShrimp

spend your birthday with your family if you can. they will always be there for you no matter what.

sorry, i am drunk and trying to sober up before going to bed....

Reply 4

Ola P

Hey! Im in a bit similar situation as you as i moved to foreign country and i dont make friends just like that. Its really difficult to meet anyone dont even mention getting closer to people. If i were you i would try to stop thinking about being alone like about something entirely bad. If you have eny hobbies you can join interest group, for example to learn how to play guitar or actially anything, you can enjoy going out to cinema, pubs and places just on your own if you dont want to take your flatmates with yourself. I usually go by my own because my flatmate usually finds my ideas as a waste of time and money :wink:

Just enjoy your life! When you stop looking for things, these things find you. Take care!

Reply 5

starless_dark

I really feel for you, hope everything works out and you feel happier again. Don't know what to suggest as I find it really hard to get to know new people myself, but Ola has some good ideas there.

Reply 6

mark2007

Good luck..

You will get there!

Reply 7

Angelil

You don't have to like clubbing. If you want friends and social life that doesn't involve that, then join some uni societies and make friends there. Seriously, it's where most of my social life comes from and I'm all the better for it.

As for the relationship thing...I know it's frustrating but don't worry about that either. My boyfriend hadn't even been kissed until he was 23, and that was with me. He'd never had a girlfriend before then either. Now we're talking about getting married sometime in the next 4 or 5 years if not before. I hadn't had my first kiss until I was 18 and a half and no blokes had ever shown interest in me before that. So given the current situation neither of us can believe our luck :p:

Just hang in there mate.

Reply 8

Yoda

tickular

If someone did that to me they might be a little upset afterwards.

I'd say don't be too clingy, it really pisses people off. Especially me. Just try to enjoy life really, and people will come to enjoy it with you.

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

You will have sex at uni.

Reply 10

Danny the Geezer

Surely it will get better in uni?

Reply 11

Psyk

Anonymous

You will have sex at uni.

Not neccessarily. You'll have a better chance if you have the right attitude though.

Reply 12

Danny the Geezer

Psyk

Not neccessarily. You'll have a better chance if you have the right attitude though.

So in other words, dress like a Jezebel? :p:

Reply 13

Aplin

hahaha, so many people feel like this. It is weird, I always said "I'll never get a decent girlfriend" I had offers for sex quite a few times whilst I was single, but never from someone I wanted to be with :s-smilie:

And eventually I found a girl who I really liked and now love... All I can tell you is I never thought I would find someone and I now have... and I think it will be the same for you.

Reply 14

Aplin

I barely kissed (last time was probably about 1.5-2 years ago), and cant say i had sex either. Some people might say being a male virgin at 19 is alright and admirable, but there is a difference between purposefully waiting until marriage and being unwanted...

Post a picture :P We'll help ya ;p

Reply 15

goodmen

you sound like you have an excuse for everything.

Reply 16

romeosbitch

When you get to uni just be as sociable as you can whilst still being yourself.

Even though i have a group of friends, i sometimes feel that i dont really have any friends because we dont do enough together to be really good friends and so we just hang out and its okay but i miss having a best friend.

But im counting down the days til i get to uni (see ticker lol) and im going to join clubs and societies and i know i am a nice person, i know im not the best looking but im alright and i plan to have a really good time.

Just be confident and content in what you have, strive for more and enjoy whatever life throws at you.

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Rouge

you sound like a well-grounded and nice person, what do you think is the reason that you think your alone, is it cos you don't make enough effort, or that other people dont like you?

I am most certainly trying to make an effort- when I came to Berkshire I met a lot of new people, and I tried to be very supportive of my housemates (ie. always helped them out, did a lot of housekeeping/cleaning and tidying the house, never complained about anything).

They nevertheless soon started b****ing about a lot of small things (for example, started to set "formal rules" what time who goes in the shower etc), and never really appreciated what I did and that I helped them. On my birthday I was told that its me who is the problem because they two get along with each other.

And other people who I socialize with just seem to have interest in me when I first meet them, but that interest slowly fades away - say I am in a group of people and we are walking somewhere - people start chatting to each other. But if I dont strike up a conversation with somebody, they will just continue to ignore me completely. And when I start to speak to them, sooner or later they switch to someone else and i am ignored again.

I remember peoples birthdays (without facebook/myspace/whatever) and always congratulate them (and sometimes even get a 'thankyou' text in reply). But I never get invited to parties (most often I get a message like "oh say happy birthday/merry christmas/whatever to <Insert name> - unfortunately i cant go to his party tomorrow" from a third person - thats how i know there is a party planned!) and I got precisely zero birthday cards this year from people other than my parents (who live more than 500 miles away-so i had no celebration whatsoever)

tickular

If they really don't like you eventually they'll make it clear and might inadvertently point out what's wrong with your personality so you can try to change.

My housemates did make it clear, although still failed to explain how I should change.

Ola P

If you have eny hobbies you can join interest group, for example to learn how to play guitar or actially anything, you can enjoy going out to cinema, pubs and places just on your own if you dont want to take your flatmates with yourself.

I do swimming+gym as much as my health permits (and I have some other hobbies too). But I would like to have somebody to go places etc with me rather than on my own.

jaydoh

Surely it will get better in uni?

I would like to hope so, but I dunno what I'll do if it wont get better at uni - i just wont be able to cope. So far my housemates found girlfriends, look down at me and make jokes about my height. I will not grow any more and dont want a life like this.

Psyk

Not neccessarily. You'll have a better chance if you have the right attitude though.

So what does the right attitude comprise of?

Reply 18

isabella

I live in Berkshire. :smile:

I'm very shy and don't have many good friends.I also make a huge effort to meet people etc. Just find it hard being in a group of people i don't know very well.

Don't change who you are & don't try to please other people. Hopefully at Uni, u'll meet loads of nice people. And be much happier :smile:

Reply 19

loz_fairy