Painful Break-up With Boyfriend

It hurts me that he's started dating again. I can't even look at another guy, I know he's feeling lonely and I'm not looking for him to put his life on hold, but it hurts. I broke things off in January, so it feels so soon.

I don't know what to do. He's upset too- I know that, and I don't want to completely let go of any connection that we have. I miss him as a person and as a lover and if I can't make the latter happen I don't want to lose his friendship.

This is filling my head and hurting my heart at a time when I should be concentrating on studies. I'm finding it hard to move past my feelings of upset and focus. It feels like hard work to push against my emotions.

This post made me feel really sad because I'm going through some of the same feelings you are at the moment. The lines I've quoted above I literally could have written myself.

My boyfriend and I also split in January. He was older than me and had told me throughout our relationship that he'd love to marry me. I was absolutely mad about him but the thought of marriage was slightly daunting as I'm only 22 and don't want to settle down too young. In the end, he got scared about the fact that I'm about to graduate from uni and embark on a diverse, exciting and unpredictable career path, whilst he's comfortable in his life and his job and wants to settle down now (he also has a child from a previous relationship, so isn't as flexible about his lifestyle as I am). Whilst he was proud of everything I've been achieving, I think he resented it a little too, because he wanted me there with him every night and not miles away at uni.

It's been a month now and I miss him more every day. We've stayed in touch as friends, but in a way that makes it harder because, as you've found with your ex, mine seems to be moving on (although he doesn't tell me directly) whereas I can't even begin to think about being with anybody else. I desperately want him in my life, even if it's just as a friend, but each time we speak I miss him even more. I feel like I'm constantly working hard just to get by without breaking down and calling him and telling me I love him. He's drifting away from me now - we were meant to meet up last week when I was in the area and he cancelled an hour beforehand because he was 'tired', so I won't see him now for at least another 5 weeks. He didn't seem bothered, and I was gutted. I'm still far too attached to him and he's getting stronger, yet it's only been 4 weeks and it still feels so raw.

I wish I had some advice to give you. I've found reducing (not cutting) contact helps a bit... I am trying so hard to throw myself into my work and my friendships and keep myself busy (I've taken up all manner of new exercise classes just because they make the day go quicker). And it does work. But not completely. I still get so low and miss him so much that it hurts. I keep reminding myself that it'll get easier in time. I've stopped initiating contact so much now, hoping that he'll miss me and start contacting me again... and hoping that if he doesn't, it'll help me get over him.

All I can say is that I send you hugs and I know exactly how you feel. I wish I didn't, because it feels like hell, but I do. Good luck with getting stronger and getting through this. I'm thinking of you.