He can't say I love you

I've been with my boyfriend now for almost two years now. We have a good relationship, and we spend most of our free time together and I really do care about. What has been bothering me though, is that he has not said I love you. It makes me wonder whether he does not say it because he can't, or because he actually doesn't love me. I know alot of weight can be put on these words, and while I would never want someone who uses them lightly or says it straight away, the fact that he seems incapable of saying it worries me. I've brought this issue up with him before and all he can seem to say is that he doesn't just want to say it for the sake of saying it, as he's said it before without really meaning it. But does that imply that he doesn't love me? He hasn't ruled out that he could say it in the future, but it hurts when you do love someone and they can't say it back to you. Has anyone ever had the same experience? Any advice?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Yeh - bar it was my girlfriend that kept on wanting me to say I LOVE YOU; I mean I did love her, but it really annoyed me when she kept on asking me to say it; so I didn't. Then when she stopped asking I did.

Reply 2

e-lover

16

Perhaps it's just his ego. For some guys, it can be really tough to say 'I Love You' since the last time they really meant it was said to their mommies. :rolleyes:

But put it this way, If he's spent 2 years with you, and spends most of his free time with you and you feel he's putting the effort to make your relationship work. Does he love you? I think he does.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Anonymous

Yeh - bar it was my girlfriend that kept on wanting me to say I LOVE YOU; I mean I did love her, but it really annoyed me when she kept on asking me to say it; so I didn't. Then when she stopped asking I did.

But that's the thing, I don't constantly ask him. Every few months, I'll get upset over it. And to be honest it is upsetting. How long were you two together?

Reply 4

Talya

16

2 years is a long time to go without saying 'I love you' :s

Reply 5

PatchTheCatch

6

Well maybe he believes that love is a very heavy word and that he wants to be sure that he does love you, I mean on many occasions I verbally bitch slap my friends for saying they love someone becuase they just really don't.
Maybe he's wating for the right time and such

Reply 6

Anonymous #3

ive been with my boyfriend for two years now and he always tells me he loves me and i love him too, but probs if you dont say it too often and dont make him feel like youre waiting for him to say it he probs does love you but he will only say it if he feels comfortable and when he does say it it will be even more special because he waited.

Reply 7

username43584

8

Personally I too would hesitate before saying it, because I've been coerced into it before when I didnt really mean it. If you keep forcing him, he will say it and not mean it. The fact he's resisting sort of suggests that he does love you, does want to say it, but doesn't just want to say it because you're making him.

If you get what I mean.

Reply 8

IzzyWizzy

10

If it were a few months I'd say it was OK but 2 years is a long time not to say it.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

becca2389

Personally I too would hesitate before saying it, because I've been coerced into it before when I didnt really mean it. If you keep forcing him, he will say it and not mean it. The fact he's resisting sort of suggests that he does love you, does want to say it, but doesn't just want to say it because you're making him.

If you get what I mean.

That makes sense. But how long does it take a person? I've stop hoping for it and have tried to resolve myself to the fact that he might never say it, but that's not something I think that I could deal with.

Reply 10

hippieglitter

19

I had an awkward problem with my ex considering the big L word. At first we would both say it and mean it, later on i would still say it but he wouldn't, don't know why, now we are not togther he keeps saying it and i can't.

Reply 11

gracie88

14

2 years is a long time to go without saying those words but as somebody else pointed out why would this guy spend all of his time with you for 2 years if he didn't feel strongly about you? Me and my boyfriend say we love eachother every day but that's us and every person is different.

Reply 12

Vampyrcorn

14

String him up by his ankels and hang him from the top of a very tall church. Refuse to take him down until he confesses that he loves you. I'm sure it will work. :smile:

Reply 13

Yoda

12

Hes a guy, of course he won't say it. I never do, its such a **** thing to say. Of course I could (convincingly) say it to anyone, but I really don't see the point.

Reply 14

HeadShock

Why put the emphasizing on him saying it, isn't it obvious he does, otherwise he wouldn't be with you.

Love is more than a word, by making people say it, you degrade it.

Reply 15

Anonymous #4

i've been going out with my bf for almost 2 years too, and whilst he said he loved me first very early on, he ended up trying not to say it, and to save it for when he really, really feels it. it can be a bit upsetting, especially if you're like me and love declaring your love, but it can mean he's saving it for when it'll really knock you off your feet. :smile:

we realised too that, whilst love is a deep concept, it can also mean absolutely nothing to say it - what matters is how you show it to each other. so, to agree with everyone else's sound advice - if he spends so much time with you, he can't find you boring or anything! don't worry hun :smile:

Reply 16

Jennybean

13

Yoda

Hes a guy, of course he won't say it. I never do, its such a **** thing to say. Of course I could (convincingly) say it to anyone, but I really don't see the point.

Yes but you're not really positioned to give advice are you? As by your own admission you have never been in a happy, fulfilled relationship or even been with a girl for any reason other than to **** her. I really don't know why you bother to contribute to these threads, seeing as you represent the tiniest minority of arrogant pricks. The OP's boyfriend is clearly not anything like you; "he's a guy" is just pandering to stupid gender stereotypes and is not anything to do with why he doesn't tell her he loves her and obviously if he's spent two years in a committed relationship he must have pretty strong feelings for her at any rate. OP, do you say it to him or what? How old are you? What kind of relationship do you have, do you sleep together? If so, would you say it's mostly physically driven or do you make love, lie there and hold each other afterwards? What I'm trying to ask I guess is does he show tenderness and caring in other ways or do you not feel that emotional connection?

Reply 17

username43584

8

Anonymous

That makes sense. But how long does it take a person? I've stop hoping for it and have tried to resolve myself to the fact that he might never say it, but that's not something I think that I could deal with.

He'll say it when it's right and not before then. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't love or at least care about you. It may be only 3 words, but it takes a lot to feel them and even more to say them. They're really precious to some. I know people who are genuinely distraught when their significant other even jokes about that person not loving them - those 3 words mean that much to them.

Saying them for the first time to someone you actually do love is one of the most vulnerable positions to be in. Sit tight - it'll be worth it when he finally says it. Who knows - a ring might come with it! :p:

Reply 18

Yoda

12

Jennybean

Yes but you're not really positioned to give advice are you? As by your own admission you have never been in a happy, fulfilled relationship or even been with a girl for any reason other than to **** her. I really don't know why you bother to contribute to these threads, seeing as you represent the tiniest minority of arrogant pricks. The OP's boyfriend is clearly not anything like you; "he's a guy" is just pandering to stupid gender stereotypes and is not anything to do with why he doesn't tell her he loves her and obviously if he's spent two years in a committed relationship he must have pretty strong feelings for her at any rate. OP, do you say it to him or what? How old are you? What kind of relationship do you have, do you sleep together? If so, would you say it's mostly physically driven or do you make love, lie there and hold each other afterwards? What I'm trying to ask I guess is does he show tenderness and caring in other ways or do you not feel that emotional connection?

I'm just saying it like it is. If you want someone to avoid the subject, comfort you, and tell you what you want to hear, don't read my comments.

Reply 19

Jennybean

13

Yoda

I'm just saying it like it is. If you want someone to avoid the subject, comfort you, and tell you what you want to hear, don't read my comments.

You are NOT saying it like it is, you are saying it how it is FOR YOU. Now this may surprise you, but not all guys are like you. In fact, quite a lot of guys are the complete opposite to you. Someone telling me that guys are not only capable of falling in love but also tell their girlfriends this is not COMFORTING me, it's telling the truth. Sadly reading your comments is somewhat unavoidable on a forum so I feel the need to dispute them in case people are offended, or worse, believe them. Saying "Of course he doesn't say he loves you, he's a guy" is the equivalent of saying "Of course she wants a baby, she's a girl". Resorting to gender stereotyping is the bottom line in constructing a poor argument.

He can't say I love you

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