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Question for girls

On valentines day, I finally got together with a girl who I've been friends with since the start of this academic year. We're both in our first year at uni. I know for a fact she isn't a virgin, but I am.

We've agreed to take things slowly so I don't expect to be sleeping with her any time soon. But I want to know whether I should tell her I'm a virgin now, or wait until the night where it feels like it's going to happen? How will she take the news and also will she be appauled by my inevitable lack of performance on the first time?

An replies really appreciated

Reply 1

Helenia

20

Well, if you blurt it out mid-conversation it might seem a little weird. At the same time, if you save it until the second before you have sex, that also might not go down too well. I'm sure you'll find an appropriate moment at some point - maybe when you talk about contraception or something.

Reply 2

TrentEnd

2

No need to tell her.

Reply 3

starless_dark

2

The boyfriend I met at uni was a virgin and had never even kissed a girl until about a month before he went to uni. Your girlfriend might like it and see it as an opportunity to teach you and help you discover your likes and dislikes, and it'll be a lot of fun for you both. I'd only had sex before in a committed relationship, so I guess it was like being a virgin again myself, not knowing what he liked and him not knowing what I liked.

Reet, a bit of drama here: There was a lot of confusion with my ex who said he wasn't a virgin, slept with me for the first time, took my virginity and then a while later said he'd lied about having had sex becasue he'd tried to convince himself he'd had sex with this girl who'd messed him around when in fact they hadn't. This caused me a lot of heartache cos I'd thought he was comparing me to her when we did it the first time, but then he wouldn't have been if he was a virgin like he admitted. However, recently his friend, who is friends with the girl who messed him around told me the girl's side of the story and that they had had sex unprotected and she made a huge fuss and drama about going on the pill. This girl is a well-known extreme attention seeker though, so it's possible that no sex happened and she just did it for attention. I have yet to ask my ex for the truth, it's a touchy subject.

Reply 4

skcollob

1

I dont think it would be a problem at all - I go out with a guy because i like him for him not because of his experience in bed!
It might be a load off your mind if you do tell her - but maybe only when the conversaion next comes up. But i wouldnt worry - i dont think its anything to get anxious about and it shows you dont just go sleeping with anyone so she would feel special if you were to lose it to her?
But maybe im just a romantic :P
Good luck xxx

Reply 5

Nix!

11

If she's a level headed girl, surely you can just confide that information to her when the time is right?

It's not as if she's embarassed you by saying something derogatory towards or about virgins now is it?

Reply 6

Mercer

10

Anonymous

On valentines day, I finally got together with a girl who I've been friends with since the start of this academic year. We're both in our first year at uni. I know for a fact she isn't a virgin, but I am.

We've agreed to take things slowly so I don't expect to be sleeping with her any time soon. But I want to know whether I should tell her I'm a virgin now, or wait until the night where it feels like it's going to happen? How will she take the news and also will she be appauled by my inevitable lack of performance on the first time?

An replies really appreciated

I certainly wouldn't lie. I was in the same situation, and I just told her when it came up. She had the decency to be surprised, which was sweet. I can't really see it being a problem.

As for lack of performance, it's not necessarily going to be a problem, lead into it with other stuff first, and if you're not sure what you should be doing, just stick her on top :wink:

Reply 7

Tyler Durden

17

Mercer

I just told her when it came up.

Classic!

Reply 8

Jelkin

17

Mercer

if you're not sure what you should be doing, just stick her on top :wink:

Seconded! Fun for all parties :biggrin:

Reply 9

xxsarahjwxx

englishstudent

Classic!

Haha good one.

As for the whole virgin thing, dont make a big thing about it, just be honest and laugh, don't be embarressed by it. If you make it a bit of a joke then she might volunteer to teach you...!

Reply 10

Scarlett_Jewel

1

If this will plague you, then you may have to initiate the talk, otherwise it'll become a massive deal to you. However, as long as she's not a total fruitcake whenever you do tell her, she'll treat it with compassion and respect. I'd be the sort of person to initiate sex talk quite early on, so I'd expect my boyfriend to tell me then, but it's not guaranteed to come up at all.

All this said, you don't HAVE to tell her you're a virgin if you don't want to. The best thing you could do when you do do it is to take it slowly, have done a sensible amount of research, and make sure you're both communicating and responding to one another. It'll be fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. :biggrin:

Reply 11

sarahmo89

You should tell her if you are feeling nervous/uneasy about it. She would probbaly enjoy showing you the ropes :wink:

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

thanks for the replies guys. i've just spent another day with her and it seems we're going a lil bit further every day. i reckon next time we're talking about it, i'll bring it up.

Reply 13

Anonymous #2

2 of my boyfriends were virgins when we first got together. The first went awfully, due to the fact I think he was more attracted to the idea that I was experienced, than anything - the second time I was with a guy who was a virgin, it was something we approached quite frankly. If she's experienced, she'll feel more relaxed on the subject - in a way it's almost better. If you were both virgins, I can imagine the subject might be harder to bring up as it were.. just be relaxed about it; if she really likes you that much, it won't change her opinion of you one iota. And enjoy! :wink:

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