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Need some advice related to drug addiction and boyfriend.
My bf confessed to me last night by text that he is/was a weed addict for 4 years up till this christmas just gone. my bf and i have been dating for 2 years and he never once mentioned or hinted towards anything. he used to smoke but gave that up last year which i was quite happy and proud of,and i helped him through that. he's been having mood swings lately which now seems clearly accounted for as mood swings are part of withdrawal symptoms for weed. my question is know, how or what should i do? i'm shocked to say the least. i had a bit of cry (not sure why). he asks if i still trust him, i said yes but i'm not entirely 100% sure considering this is such a huge thing and he never said anything. he said it was such a big part of his life this weed thing! 
and now i don't know if i'm concentrating too hard on the fact that he didn't tell me, instead of the fact that he did tell me but took his time. also i read up,and weed isn't that bad a drug compared to the others,so what can i do to help him get over it? he sees his friends every week,and it's from them he gets the weed,he does it with them. but i can't exactly ban him from seeing his friends,as they are his childhood friends,and he's older. grrr.. i'm feeling at a loss here,i need some advice.
and now i don't know if i'm concentrating too hard on the fact that he didn't tell me, instead of the fact that he did tell me but took his time. also i read up,and weed isn't that bad a drug compared to the others,so what can i do to help him get over it? he sees his friends every week,and it's from them he gets the weed,he does it with them. but i can't exactly ban him from seeing his friends,as they are his childhood friends,and he's older. grrr.. i'm feeling at a loss here,i need some advice.Reply 1
oh also forgot to add that we're going to talk about it in more detail tonight but i don't know how it'll go or turn out.
Reply 2
"Weed" is not a physical addiction, so it isn't as hard to come off it. Having said that it often requires a change of lifestyle to stop using it. When it is a group of friends that often use the drug it become intertwined with everything that they do and all related to all the fun and the memories.
Often people grow out of the idea of smoking weed and move on, it just becomes a bit boring, especially when you grow up and go out into the wide world.
If you really need him to stop then its ultimatum time, this may help him. If not, then I'd suggest to talk to him about the downsides and wait it out.
Often people grow out of the idea of smoking weed and move on, it just becomes a bit boring, especially when you grow up and go out into the wide world.
If you really need him to stop then its ultimatum time, this may help him. If not, then I'd suggest to talk to him about the downsides and wait it out.
Reply 3
10
It's a psychological addiction. And it causes phsyical syptoms. People who stop smoking weed have mood swings where before their moods have been determined by the drugs, they also get shakes, twitchy because they have nothing to do and see and hear weed where perhaps it isn't. Eg. What's that you want to weed? I want some weed? Oh you said read 
You can whitey (you vomit like watery crap) on weed so it obviously has a physical effect when you take it.
Personally I'd say don't trust him. I used to know a guy like this called Luke and his sister. They were childhood friends with this guy I used to see. He had been on and off with his girlfriend for bloody ages and she'd gone to uni. She didn't like drugs and told him to quit so he did, then he'd pick it up again and not tell her. He stayed with me for like a month and after telling her he was going to quit he was dealing to fund his habit and doing it when he got up in the morning before work, in his lunchbreak and then for the whole evening after work.
She told him to clean up once and he really did and she was so proud of him. It was around christmas. I saw him a week ago and he was stoned off his face. She paid the deposit for his flat he moved into to 'escape the drugs' and doesn't know about it. What a jackass.
Seriously it's hard to trust him unless you can watch him constantly and it's pretty hard to stop unless you know you can't get away with smoking it. I'm only basing this on my experience, which also involves harder drugs, so I could be wrong.
To get off drugs (I am a speed addict and also have a problem with ecstacy- pills) I moved house in with a guy I was seeing, I stopped seeing any of my drug friends despite the fact these people have seen me at my worse and shared what I remember as the best moments of my life (only because I was off my face!). The guy I lived with banned me from doing drugs regularly and this is what's stopped me going back when I put on weight by eating normally and found myself too tired to cope with all the stuff I used to do (I used to sleep 2 hours a night). Then he became a bit lax and I did it a couple of times. I'm not completely clean now it's well hard. You can't clean up and stay around everyone else!
I went to a party with all my old friends and walked out because they were pressurising me too much into doing drugs and theres nothing fun about sitting sober watching everyone else wasted, it's only fun when you are too. Point this out to him. Drugs are a way of life and you have to have an overhaul just to cut back!
You can whitey (you vomit like watery crap) on weed so it obviously has a physical effect when you take it.
Personally I'd say don't trust him. I used to know a guy like this called Luke and his sister. They were childhood friends with this guy I used to see. He had been on and off with his girlfriend for bloody ages and she'd gone to uni. She didn't like drugs and told him to quit so he did, then he'd pick it up again and not tell her. He stayed with me for like a month and after telling her he was going to quit he was dealing to fund his habit and doing it when he got up in the morning before work, in his lunchbreak and then for the whole evening after work.
She told him to clean up once and he really did and she was so proud of him. It was around christmas. I saw him a week ago and he was stoned off his face. She paid the deposit for his flat he moved into to 'escape the drugs' and doesn't know about it. What a jackass.
Seriously it's hard to trust him unless you can watch him constantly and it's pretty hard to stop unless you know you can't get away with smoking it. I'm only basing this on my experience, which also involves harder drugs, so I could be wrong.
To get off drugs (I am a speed addict and also have a problem with ecstacy- pills) I moved house in with a guy I was seeing, I stopped seeing any of my drug friends despite the fact these people have seen me at my worse and shared what I remember as the best moments of my life (only because I was off my face!). The guy I lived with banned me from doing drugs regularly and this is what's stopped me going back when I put on weight by eating normally and found myself too tired to cope with all the stuff I used to do (I used to sleep 2 hours a night). Then he became a bit lax and I did it a couple of times. I'm not completely clean now it's well hard. You can't clean up and stay around everyone else!
I went to a party with all my old friends and walked out because they were pressurising me too much into doing drugs and theres nothing fun about sitting sober watching everyone else wasted, it's only fun when you are too. Point this out to him. Drugs are a way of life and you have to have an overhaul just to cut back!
Reply 4
ro-ro
I'm only basing this on my experience, which also involves harder drugs, so I could be wrong.
Marijuana is by far the easiest drug of all to get off, this includes caffiene. I don't think this guy appears to be as hardcore as you might think. He isn't sitting alone smoking it. It is a social thing for him, harder to break maybe, but very much less of an issue.
Reply 5
10
I know alot of people who smoke weed along with taking them with other drugs (class B's and A's) who can't give it up. It's a habit to do even if it's on your own so you can't just stop. Like comfort eating.
Reply 6
10
'It may be psychologically addictive. Heavy users can display aggressive impulses if their supply suddenly stops, a side effect similar to that of anabolic steroids' BBC Science and Nature
Plus thinking about this a bit more cannabis changes your psychological reaction to things. When you remove it your brain is unsure how to cope because after prolonged use (like a year or two) you cannot remember as clearly the old way of thinking. This new sensation feels strange so you want cannabis to normalise yourself and go back to that safe secure feeling. Psychological yes, addictive behaviour yes.
Plus thinking about this a bit more cannabis changes your psychological reaction to things. When you remove it your brain is unsure how to cope because after prolonged use (like a year or two) you cannot remember as clearly the old way of thinking. This new sensation feels strange so you want cannabis to normalise yourself and go back to that safe secure feeling. Psychological yes, addictive behaviour yes.
Reply 7
I smoked weed for a long time when I was younger, but as I said would be possible, I just grew out of it. For me and a number of the people I smoked it with it was just a bit of fun. We were addicted to it at the time, however I just stopped wanting it. I occasionally smoke it when I fancy it as it remains a fun experience, however it is for me the same as alcohol, just a pleasure you can enjoy when you want.
I know of someone who has been pretty messed up by it, but it was part of a larger problem in his life. He had family deaths that he couldn't deal with. I personally believe that there is not a problem with a weed addiction that cannot be cured in a stable individual by a good slap (not literal).
I know of someone who has been pretty messed up by it, but it was part of a larger problem in his life. He had family deaths that he couldn't deal with. I personally believe that there is not a problem with a weed addiction that cannot be cured in a stable individual by a good slap (not literal).
Reply 8
14
I would be a bit worried that you didn't know about this big part of his life - he kept it from you for so long and so you won't really have any idea if he's been successful or not in quitting unless you can trust him to be 100% honest with you.
Its good that you've done research on the drug. Don't let people tell you its not addictive, as it is with long term use. My friend is currently in the process of giving it up (for the second time) and has faced mood swings and generally feeling pretty nauseous.
I don't really know what to say... depends how important this all is to you I guess. See what he says when you meet up tonight. At least he's faced his problem. He will probably have to cut a lot of friends out of his life though.
Its good that you've done research on the drug. Don't let people tell you its not addictive, as it is with long term use. My friend is currently in the process of giving it up (for the second time) and has faced mood swings and generally feeling pretty nauseous.
I don't really know what to say... depends how important this all is to you I guess. See what he says when you meet up tonight. At least he's faced his problem. He will probably have to cut a lot of friends out of his life though.
Reply 9
10
My ex boyfriend was a totally different person on weed. It was a sociable thing mainly but when I met him he'd quite for exams season and when he started again he became stupidly paranoid and posessive and almost scary in his behaviour. He'd laugh at not funny stuff and be offended by normal comments like Ha ha you're such a fag would turn into him screaming DO YOU THINK IM A ****ING FAG HUH DO YOU THINK IM GOING OUT WITH YOU FOR A LAUGH HUH. Crazy boy. I think weed, its effects and addictive properties is very much an individual thing.
Reply 10
ro-ro
I think weed, its effects and addictive properties is very much an individual thing.
I very much agree here. I think it would sound that with ref. to your ex he sounded like he was showing his true colours. If he's able to do that on weed, then he's able to do that normally. Its not a drug that is able to change your personality.
Reply 11
10
You can develop scitzophrenia due to weed. That's a pretty big change. No drug changes your personality it just brings out or develops traits that would otherwise be supressed. It doesn't make it any less horrendous or mean the drugs not to blame.
Reply 12
ro-ro
You can develop scitzophrenia due to weed.
Thats a very ill-founded statement to make.
"At worst, the risk to an individual of developing a schizophreniform illness as a result of using cannabis is very small." - Government drug advisory committee.
It is claimed that Schizophrenia can be brought on by cannabis use in patients who are already at risk.
I'm not supporting cannabis use, but I go to it with an open mind. There are far too many myths that surround the drug that to believe them all is folly.
Reply 13
10
I read an article about a guy who developed scitzophrenia through it and another about a guy who developed manic depression.
Yes you already at risk the same way that you have to be already vunerable to kidney infections to get them while taking aphetamines. However if you didn't take them you'd probably not get them because it's the drugs bringing out the problem.
I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with weed in comparison to say alcohol and cigarettes. Where I live everyone does it, it's just like baccy. But smoking weed everyday is extremely damaging as is drinking excessively everyday. So I think it's a stupid thing to do and people who have a problem and recognise it should stop, it's just alot easier said than done.
I suppose it's a case of pick your poison. They'll all mess you up!
Yes you already at risk the same way that you have to be already vunerable to kidney infections to get them while taking aphetamines. However if you didn't take them you'd probably not get them because it's the drugs bringing out the problem.
I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with weed in comparison to say alcohol and cigarettes. Where I live everyone does it, it's just like baccy. But smoking weed everyday is extremely damaging as is drinking excessively everyday. So I think it's a stupid thing to do and people who have a problem and recognise it should stop, it's just alot easier said than done.
I suppose it's a case of pick your poison. They'll all mess you up!
Reply 14
Hm. I would be more inclined to encourage you to be sympathetic towards the fact that he didn't tell you.
It must be a very hard thing for some people to admit. I mean, you would be admitting a pretty major weakness of yours to someone that you love. Think about those Alcoholics Anonymous meetings that happen - they have to stand up and say "Hi. My name's Zimbardo* and I'm an alcholic'. (Well they do on TV anyway ). If a person finds it hard admitting an addiction only to himself, then I can imagine admitting it to others would be pretty damn hard too. I personally would be so ashamed if I let myself get into that state.
So is he still 'addicted' then?
If he's still taking it then I'd ask him when he's going to cut it out all together.
I guess you could gently ask him why he didn't tell you? I mean, the issue here isn't really that you didn't know, it's more that he didn't feel like he could tell you. I suppose you could reassure him that if there is stuff on his mind then he should be able to talk to you.
And why do you think he told you now?
If you don't feel you can trust him now then fair enough. I personally would stick with it and try not to let it damage the relationship but be a bit cautious in the future - keep your eyes open and be aware that he has hidden things from you before.
*for example.
It must be a very hard thing for some people to admit. I mean, you would be admitting a pretty major weakness of yours to someone that you love. Think about those Alcoholics Anonymous meetings that happen - they have to stand up and say "Hi. My name's Zimbardo* and I'm an alcholic'. (Well they do on TV anyway
). If a person finds it hard admitting an addiction only to himself, then I can imagine admitting it to others would be pretty damn hard too. I personally would be so ashamed if I let myself get into that state.My bf confessed to me last night by text that he is/was a weed addict for 4 years up till this christmas just gone.
he sees his friends every week,and it's from them he gets the weed,he does it with them.
So is he still 'addicted' then?
If he's still taking it then I'd ask him when he's going to cut it out all together.
I guess you could gently ask him why he didn't tell you? I mean, the issue here isn't really that you didn't know, it's more that he didn't feel like he could tell you. I suppose you could reassure him that if there is stuff on his mind then he should be able to talk to you.
And why do you think he told you now?
If you don't feel you can trust him now then fair enough. I personally would stick with it and try not to let it damage the relationship but be a bit cautious in the future - keep your eyes open and be aware that he has hidden things from you before.
*for example.
Reply 15
10
Alot of the time you don't tell people because you don't realise yourself you genuinely think you've got it covered.
Reply 16
Vampyrcorn
Hm. I would be more inclined to encourage you to be sympathetic towards the fact that he didn't tell you.
It must be a very hard thing for some people to admit. I mean, you would be admitting a pretty major weakness of yours to someone that you love. Think about those Alcoholics Anonymous meetings that happen - they have to stand up and say "Hi. My name's Zimbardo* and I'm an alcholic'. (Well they do on TV anyway ). If a person finds it hard admitting an addiction only to himself, then I can imagine admitting it to others would be pretty damn hard too. I personally would be so ashamed if I let myself get into that state.
So is he still 'addicted' then?
If he's still taking it then I'd ask him when he's going to cut it out all together.
I guess you could gently ask him why he didn't tell you? I mean, the issue here isn't really that you didn't know, it's more that he didn't feel like he could tell you. I suppose you could reassure him that if there is stuff on his mind then he should be able to talk to you.
And why do you think he told you now?
If you don't feel you can trust him now then fair enough. I personally would stick with it and try not to let it damage the relationship but be a bit cautious in the future - keep your eyes open and be aware that he has hidden things from you before.
*for example.
It must be a very hard thing for some people to admit. I mean, you would be admitting a pretty major weakness of yours to someone that you love. Think about those Alcoholics Anonymous meetings that happen - they have to stand up and say "Hi. My name's Zimbardo* and I'm an alcholic'. (Well they do on TV anyway
). If a person finds it hard admitting an addiction only to himself, then I can imagine admitting it to others would be pretty damn hard too. I personally would be so ashamed if I let myself get into that state.So is he still 'addicted' then?
If he's still taking it then I'd ask him when he's going to cut it out all together.
I guess you could gently ask him why he didn't tell you? I mean, the issue here isn't really that you didn't know, it's more that he didn't feel like he could tell you. I suppose you could reassure him that if there is stuff on his mind then he should be able to talk to you.
And why do you think he told you now?
If you don't feel you can trust him now then fair enough. I personally would stick with it and try not to let it damage the relationship but be a bit cautious in the future - keep your eyes open and be aware that he has hidden things from you before.
*for example.
let me just say i feel like you and the mangomaz are the only ones who actually read what i wrote properly,and actually.no offense to the other two but you went away from the issue at hand.i only see him every 2 to 3 weeks as i'm at uni.he's 23,i'm 19 this year so i can't tell him to stop seeing his friends.i don't know if he still does it.he said in his texts that he stopped at xmas,so i'm assuming that he means that's the last time he took it,even though he's still seen these friends of his recently.he called me up earlier but it was a tense conversation - not much was said,so we're going to talk later on msn. i don't know if he's still addicted or not,should i tell him to join a recovery group? i have no idea why he told me now,id just seen him this weekend gone after about a month or so,he got me a present and stuff grr...was that his way of preparing me for the news?i don't know. i still trust him,but i'd say it's down to 98% now,because of this.have i forgiven him?i don't know,i guess i have,i don't know.i'm just confused.i still love him,i mean it'd be a bit silly to not love him because of the weed but grr...i just wish he'd said something earlier.i also doubt he'll stop seeing his friends,as they are his friends,people he grew up with etc. ahhh just so confusing
Reply 17
8
You can whitey (you vomit like watery crap) on weed so it obviously has a physical effect when you take it.
people where i live say you 'whiteyed' when you get so stoked on killers that you pass out. random.
but yeah, druggies are hard to trust, always stealing your stash . . .lol. seriously, it'll be hard but if he's a great guy and worth it, and you're willing to put up with alot of crap, then you'll just have to trust him.
people where i live say you 'whiteyed' when you get so stoked on killers that you pass out. random.
but yeah, druggies are hard to trust, always stealing your stash . . .lol. seriously, it'll be hard but if he's a great guy and worth it, and you're willing to put up with alot of crap, then you'll just have to trust him.
Reply 18
at least he has told you now. i dont think theres anything you can/should try to do, myself. its his life and he needs to make his own decisions. if you become the girlfriend "who wont let me smoke" it will be bad for your relationship, the trust will break down, you will get a bad reputation for being a bit naggy with ur bf's mates and u will be left out of certain things. I'd just leave him to do what he wants and dont get into smokin it yourself!
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