Turn on thread page Beta

Starting uni with Asperger's and making friends.,, watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Ok I am staring university in a couple of weeks and I am excited for my course however the reality is I have bad social problems due to Asperger's. I'm bad enough around people I know well, so around people I've never met before I don't stand a chance.

    I'm going in to halls and I'm absolutely terrified.

    I become mute when I'm really scared so I probably won't even be able to talk to my flatmates for a while.


    I'm prepared for the fact freshers week is going to be noisy and I'll just have to accept that, but im still scared. I know my new flatmates are going to hate me because I won't be able to communicate with them or join in with freshers nights out and stuff.

    Do I have to talk to my flatmates? I plan on joining societies in order to make friends, as I'll find it easier as I'll know well have some common ground as well as people on my course. But I'll most likely have nothing in common with my flatmates as allocation is completely random so I probably won't end up being good friends with them, is this going to be an issue?
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    As a guy with high functioning autism, I can relate to most of what you've said. You've been braver than me and booked a place in the halls (I commuted 3 hours a day when I was at uni), so you'll be learning a lot about becoming independent. Do you find you only have the courage to talk to people once you see them enough times?
    Oh yeah, don't assume you know this stuff about your flatmates before you even get to know them! Fingers crossed that you'll be allocated with someone going through the exact same things as you, who will be completely understanding and supportive. If you are unlucky and get someone you're completely incompatible with, I'm afraid there's not much that can be done.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    You are a brave walrus in a scary world and i hope you find decent humans to befriend.
    • #2
    #2

    I think thats a good idea that you're staying in halls despite initial thoughts about being terrified. I can understand your worry to an extent as i don't have Asperger's, but if i joint uni last year and if you was in my halls I would try to talk and make conversation with you, and I'm sure I'm not the only person who would try. Some people are more understandable than others so they may try to keep making conversation with you and become your friend.. some people may not understand the extent on your Asperger's and may not bother as much in time, but I definitely think at the beginning people will put in the effort regardless.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Search out some clubs that suit you and also some support groups that Im sure will be available. Uni can be a fabulous for introvert and extrovert alike..
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok I am staring university in a couple of weeks and I am excited for my course however the reality is I have bad social problems due to Asperger's. I'm bad enough around people I know well, so around people I've never met before I don't stand a chance.

    I'm going in to halls and I'm absolutely terrified.

    I become mute when I'm really scared so I probably won't even be able to talk to my flatmates for a while.


    I'm prepared for the fact freshers week is going to be noisy and I'll just have to accept that, but im still scared. I know my new flatmates are going to hate me because I won't be able to communicate with them or join in with freshers nights out and stuff.

    Do I have to talk to my flatmates? I plan on joining societies in order to make friends, as I'll find it easier as I'll know well have some common ground as well as people on my course. But I'll most likely have nothing in common with my flatmates as allocation is completely random so I probably won't end up being good friends with them, is this going to be an issue?
    When my son was younger he used to wear a t-shirt sometimes that said "I'm not naughty, I'm autistic" on the back. We got it from the NAS.

    Similarly, perhaps you could let those flat mates know a bit about you by writing it down and either handing them a copy or putting it on your door for the first few days. Just an idea.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok I am staring university in a couple of weeks and I am excited for my course however the reality is I have bad social problems due to Asperger's. I'm bad enough around people I know well, so around people I've never met before I don't stand a chance.

    I'm going in to halls and I'm absolutely terrified.

    I become mute when I'm really scared so I probably won't even be able to talk to my flatmates for a while.


    I'm prepared for the fact freshers week is going to be noisy and I'll just have to accept that, but im still scared. I know my new flatmates are going to hate me because I won't be able to communicate with them or join in with freshers nights out and stuff.

    Do I have to talk to my flatmates? I plan on joining societies in order to make friends, as I'll find it easier as I'll know well have some common ground as well as people on my course. But I'll most likely have nothing in common with my flatmates as allocation is completely random so I probably won't end up being good friends with them, is this going to be an issue?
    I don't know much about autism but I will not hate you if you happen to be my flatmate and happen to be autistic. I think many people think likewise. The key thing is letting people know that you are autistic and what does it entail when it comes to socialising.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok I am staring university in a couple of weeks and I am excited for my course however the reality is I have bad social problems due to Asperger's. I'm bad enough around people I know well, so around people I've never met before I don't stand a chance.

    I'm going in to halls and I'm absolutely terrified.

    I become mute when I'm really scared so I probably won't even be able to talk to my flatmates for a while.


    I'm prepared for the fact freshers week is going to be noisy and I'll just have to accept that, but im still scared. I know my new flatmates are going to hate me because I won't be able to communicate with them or join in with freshers nights out and stuff.

    Do I have to talk to my flatmates? I plan on joining societies in order to make friends, as I'll find it easier as I'll know well have some common ground as well as people on my course. But I'll most likely have nothing in common with my flatmates as allocation is completely random so I probably won't end up being good friends with them, is this going to be an issue?
    You should realise everyone going into halls is nervous about making friends, so people are way more friendly than usual. You can always go for societies if things don't work out in halls, but you should at least give them a chance.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Some people will be understanding and others won't. You don't know yet which group your flatmates will come under, and it's likely that they will be a mix.

    If there's anything you find especially difficult or that makes you anxious you could explain this to them, perhaps write it down if that would be easier for you?

    Maybe at first some people will find it a little awkward and won't know how to react but in time they will get used to it.

    You may find they aren't all interested in going out either, or even if they are that won't be the only thing they do. Hopefully you'll share some common interests.

    And there are always societies and people on your course
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Does your uni have a disability centre?
    They can put you in touch with people at your place with similar problems/worries.

    You have done an incredibly courageous thing:congrats:

    and that shows what kind of person you are:kungfu:
    You'll make it through ok :yep:
    Offline

    2
    Im starting university in a few weeks too 😁😁 and i have mild autism so im nerves and excited xx
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 26, 2015
Poll
Who is most responsible for your success at university

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.