Turn on thread page Beta

Why don't people try to understand asexuality? watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    I was reminded today of a discussion I had on another website where I was trying to educate people on asexuality however, it didn't go well at all. The problem was that the people were being very narrow-minded and seeing sexuality in a black and white view.

    People assume that just because someone is an asexual they stop being human beings; men can't get erections and men can't like breasts or bums. This is a lie. You can see an attractive woman and get aroused because getting aroused tells you that 1) your body is healthy and 2) your body is ready for sex. However, just because your body is telling you it's ready for sex doesn't mean that in your mind you actually desire it. But people continue to think that if you get aroused it means you want sex which means you're not asexual, you're just suppressing your sexual desire.

    I'm asexual. I've never felt sexual attraction to anyone and don't feel the desire to have sex with anyone either which I'm fine with. However, I like big breasts, I like big bums and I also get aroused but regardless of this it doesn't change how I feel. The difference between me and someone who isn't asexual is that when a woman gives a sexual person an erection that man probably wants to have sex with her however, with an asexual they either just wait for it to go down or take care of it themselves and resume their day. A sexual man will see a sexy woman and think "I'd do her" but an asexual man wouldn't.

    Do people see where I'm coming from?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    So they are basically people who mentally don't want to have sex. Like me because I am a High Church Anglican?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by william walker)
    So they are basically people who mentally don't want to have sex. Like me because I am a High Church Anglican?
    It depends on what you mean by "mentally". An asexual's inability to to feel sexual attraction or to not want sex isn't a conscious thing, it's as organic as a heterosexual person wanting the opposite sex or a homosexual wanting the same sex. It's just how we are and there's nothing biologically wrong with us.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Interesting thing to learn; this is new to me. I never knew this and I can't believe schools don't teach this!!! Thanks for the explanation I totally get it.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou)
    It depends on what you mean by "mentally". An asexual's inability to to feel sexual attraction or to not want sex isn't a conscious thing, it's as organic as a heterosexual person wanting the opposite sex or a homosexual wanting the same sex. It's just how we are and there's nothing biologically wrong with us.
    So you just have no interest in having sex at all. Fair enough. Must make life a lot easier as you don't have to worry about being attracted to people?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by william walker)
    So you just have no interest in having sex at all. Fair enough. Must make life a lot easier as you don't have to worry about being attracted to people?
    Not necessarily because sex is just sex. Opinions about relationships vary like with most people since just because you don't want sex it doesn't mean you don't want relationships and can't fall in love. Asexuals are like other people just without the usual attitude towards sex. There are heteroromantics, homoromantics and bironmantics for those who are romanically interested in the opposite sex, same sex or both sexes. Then there are demiromantics like myself who fall in love only after establishing a strong connection.

    EDIT: removed an error stating I'm "demisexual" when I meant "demiromantic".
    • #1
    #1

    Unfortunately I just think that this is a wider problem with society at the moment, particularly one that is so biased in favour of cis gender heterosexual people. The development of LGBTQIA+ rights and movements, while a profoundly positive development, is met with resistance and ignorance because it is considered "abnormal".

    My advice? Have patience. Educate people as best as you can, speak out at injustice, and wait. Many ideas and conditions that were once considered abnormal are considered normal now. The social development just isn't progressing as fast as we'd like.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Unfortunately I just think that this is a wider problem with society at the moment, particularly one that is so biased in favour of cis gender heterosexual people. The development of LGBTQIA+ rights and movements, while a profoundly positive development, is met with resistance and ignorance because it is considered "abnormal".

    My advice? Have patience. Educate people as best as you can, speak out at injustice, and wait. Many ideas and conditions that were once considered abnormal are considered normal now. The social development just isn't progressing as fast as we'd like.
    You're right. I may join the LBGT society at my uni and speak up for the literal 1%.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Because its not a big priority, people aren't being shot, murdered stabbed or burnt alive for asexuality. Not sure it matters that much whether people are educated, it people want to learn, they'll probs search to be educated.

    I myself find it interesting, but it doesn't concern me in the slightest and my narrow minded perspective of asexuality won't affect you, unless i oneday approach you and demand you be sexually attracted to me.
    Met a few people who genuinely do not seem to want sex, from the opposite gender they're attracted too but will still persue relationships and abandon ship when they get pressured into doing it, so i understand it
    I don't think asexuals are seen as subhuman, its just confusing to young people with raging hormones who are horny all the time i understand what it's like not to. Two of my closest friends are pretty much asexual, doesn't impact their social life or how people respect them at all
    From the outside asexuality looks like someone who just doesn't wanna do it. simple as no biggie
    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou)
    You're right. I may join the LBGT society at my uni and speak up for the literal 1%.
    Good idea. There are many asexual people who feel isolated and misunderstood by their family, friends, and society as a whole, and it's fantastic that so many people from all walks of life are speaking up and helping to make the world a better, more inclusive, place.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    For me it's mainly the type of people the label attracts which makes me totally disinterested and somewhat irritated.
    • #2
    #2

    Just because this thread is here. How did you know you were asexual?, personally I like the idea of sex but I dissociate myself from that idea. I've also never really felt sexual drives or desires but I often feel physical attraction but that's not to say it won't change in the future.

    Labels aren't that important to me but do you think that these traits could be associated to asexuality?
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I don't see where you're cumming from.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    I wish I was born asexual.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    The way I understand asexuality (as someone who only learnt about the term a year or two ago) is that the plumbing works but there's no need to use it. Forgive me if this is crude but I think it was the first analogy I came across when looking into what asexuality was... Biologically and physically there is (usually) nothing preventing Asexuals having sex, and occasionally they may do for the the purpose of reproduction or if in a relationship with a Sexual, for the benefit of the relationship.

    And there are Aromantic Asexuals who don't seek any kind of romantic relationship, and Romantic Asexuals who can form relationships but without the sex stuff.

    Is this accurate as you see it?
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou)
    People assume that just because someone is an asexual they stop being human beings; men can't get erections and men can't like breasts or bums. This is a lie. You can see an attractive woman and get aroused because getting aroused tells you that 1) your body is healthy and 2) your body is ready for sex. However, just because your body is telling you it's ready for sex doesn't mean that in your mind you actually desire it. But people continue to think that if you get aroused it means you want sex which means you're not asexual, you're just suppressing your sexual desire.
    I see your point but tbh your explanation is very lacking. If your biology seems to be the same as someone else's then why do you not desire sex? How do you know this isn't liable to change sometime in the future? How do you know your mentality hasn't been affected by your surroundings, or certain experiences growing up?

    I find it hard to immediately adopt a viewpoint that distinguishes people by different labels until there is firm evidence.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou)
    I was trying to educate people
    Well, there's your problem.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TheWorldEndsWithYou)
    I was reminded today of a discussion I had on another website where I was trying to educate people on asexuality however, it didn't go well at all. The problem was that the people were being very narrow-minded and seeing sexuality in a black and white view.

    People assume that just because someone is an asexual they stop being human beings; men can't get erections and men can't like breasts or bums. This is a lie. You can see an attractive woman and get aroused because getting aroused tells you that 1) your body is healthy and 2) your body is ready for sex. However, just because your body is telling you it's ready for sex doesn't mean that in your mind you actually desire it. But people continue to think that if you get aroused it means you want sex which means you're not asexual, you're just suppressing your sexual desire.

    I'm asexual. I've never felt sexual attraction to anyone and don't feel the desire to have sex with anyone either which I'm fine with. However, I like big breasts, I like big bums and I also get aroused but regardless of this it doesn't change how I feel. The difference between me and someone who isn't asexual is that when a woman gives a sexual person an erection that man probably wants to have sex with her however, with an asexual they either just wait for it to go down or take care of it themselves and resume their day. A sexual man will see a sexy woman and think "I'd do her" but an asexual man wouldn't.

    Do people see where I'm coming from?
    I get asexuality generally, but I don't understand this. You say you get aroused because "your body" is ready for sex. But it isn't your body that causes arousal, it's your mind. So you are saying your mind gets sexually aroused, but doesn't want sex, which seems contradictory.

    Also, you say you are demisexual, which means you would have sexual desire in a loving relationship (I assume you've had one, or how would you know?). Surely that's really a type of heterosexuality (assuming you only would be with a woman), not asexuality? There's nothing about heterosexuality that says you have to be attracted to random women before you get to know them. Just because the stereotypical straight guy is always looking to get laid, I don't think it's actually true for all of us. Just wanting sex in a loving relationship isn't a separate sexuality, a lot of straight women are like this.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    I get asexuality generally, but I don't understand this. You say you get aroused because "your body" is ready for sex. But it isn't your body that causes arousal, it's your mind. So you are saying your mind gets sexually aroused, but doesn't want sex, which seems contradictory.

    Also, you say you are demisexual, which means you would have sexual desire in a loving relationship (I assume you've had one, or how would you know?). Surely that's really a type of heterosexuality (assuming you only would be with a woman), not asexuality? There's nothing about heterosexuality that says you have to be attracted to random women before you get to know them. Just because the stereotypical straight guy is always looking to get laid, I don't think it's actually true for all of us. Just wanting sex in a loving relationship isn't a separate sexuality, a lot of straight women are like this.
    That was a mistake and looking at my post I would have thought that people would have seen it seeing as I was talking about romantic types. I meant "demiromantic" And I don't think arousal is all in the mind since people can get spontaneous erections even if all they're doing is filing paperwork.

    For me arousal feels like a bodily reaction and not something that goes on in my mind. I suppose I could say that my brain is telling me that this woman has the features I think are attractive, my body gets ready for sex and yet in my mind I don't actually want to have sex. I suppose it does sound contradictory but, I never said asexuality wasn't a complex sexuality. Some asexuals still masturbate and even still have sex.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by xylas)
    I see your point but tbh your explanation is very lacking. If your biology seems to be the same as someone else's then why do you not desire sex? How do you know this isn't liable to change sometime in the future? How do you know your mentality hasn't been affected by your surroundings, or certain experiences growing up?

    I find it hard to immediately adopt a viewpoint that distinguishes people by different labels until there is firm evidence.
    I can ask you the same thing about your sexuality. How do you know it won't change? How do you know your mentality hasn't been affected by socialization? What's the firm evidence for gay an bisexual people? Isn't it at all possible that there are people who want to have sex with the opposite sex, people who want to have sex with the same sex, people who want to have sex with both sexes and then people who don't want sex? You don't need to "immediately" adopt a viewpoint and you're not a bad person if it takes time or if you don't adopt it at all as long as you're respectful. Ultimately it's just good if you keep an open mind.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 25, 2015
Poll
Who is most responsible for your success at university

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.