Looking for some advice re. boyfriend troubles

Oh dear, and after I said I wasn't going to post any anonymous threads too!

Well here goes, apologies for the length:

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for almost a year and a half now. We have a lot of common interests, and perhaps unfortunately, this means we end up seeing a lot of each other (for example, we're in the same classes and tend to move in the same social circles).

He has a bit of a short temper, and random little things set him off. The other day it was me asking him something, then remembering the answer myself before he answered. That night, he came round and said he wanted to end things, saying that though he loved me, he wasn't feeling attracted to me so much anymore and citing me being too loud and irritating in classes and such as reasons. After a lot of discussion, he acknowledged that it wasn't fair to dump me over something he'd never brought up before and we agreed not to end things, but to try and take a bit of a break.

Our classes will be rearranged soon, so I think we won't feel so bound to each other, and now that I know not to take him for granted, I can do my best to try and seduce him again! I think this can work, but I need to convince him of that! So, I need some tips people. I'm not prepared to let this relationship go, seeing as I am rather fond of him! It perhaps sounds arrogant, but I think we have too good a thing going to break up suddenly as a result of a stressful time.

Reply 1

cmh

Yeah, I think you're being very mature about all of this which is really good. Try out new things :smile:

I dunno what you 2 normally do together just as a couple, so I'm just going to suggest a few random things that have worked for me and my bf when we were finding our relationship boring.

You should start dating again lol, go out for dinner, cinema and just for random walks and stuff lol. Also, flirting again: Try and ensinuate (SP) things throughout the day, be cheeky and just have fun really lol. Oooooh, playing with food is good :wink:

strawberrys are loverly haha. Sorry.... ummmm...... Yeah.... Try and suprise him in anyway, could be small or big.

Hope summit triggers you! :smile:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Hehe thank you! I was a bit worried I was coming across as a bit naive about it.
One thing I'm making sure to do is generally putting a bit more effort into how I look - e.g. straightening my hair and wearing skirts and nice tops, rather than jeans and hoodies. We don't tend to go out on a lot of dates (I suggested going out on Valentines Day but he said it was too expensive :rolleyes:

) but generally something that we couldn't do if we were just friends and isn't anything sexual (he isn't getting any of that if we're on a break!) is exactly what I'm wanting. :wink:

Reply 3

invisible_gal

As cmh said, try to put a real spark back into your relationship, make it exciting again with dates and lots of going out as well as a few comfy nights in with a good dvd.
Has he always had a short temper, or just recently?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Always, unfortunately! He's thankfully calmer around me, meaning instead of flipping out he gets moody and irritable and generally not fun to be around for a while. :rolleyes:

I think I'm figuring that I want to show him what he would be missing if we were just friends, so some nights out or in, snuggling up sounds promising. Any other suggestions of romantic ideas?

Reply 5

invisible_gal

Anonymous

Always, unfortunately! He's thankfully calmer around me, meaning instead of flipping out he gets moody and irritable and generally not fun to be around for a while. :rolleyes:

I think I'm figuring that I want to show him what he would be missing if we were just friends, so some nights out or in, snuggling up sounds promising. Any other suggestions of romantic ideas?

Have you ever talked to him about his moods?
That sounds good, I guess just show him that you're a part of his life he shouldn't be without, lots of snuggling up, but also some romantic dates out, or a nice dinner for him cooked by you or clubbing or something?

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

It's a generally acknowledged thing between us. I think we probably have spoken about it in the past, but it's just how he is really.
I was about to say that I cook for him all the time, but making a fancy meal might impress him (he loved the fact that I was creative and cooked and baked all my own stuff) rather than just throwing something in the oven.
Heh, I am actually getting some ideas here! :biggrin:

Reply 7

invisible_gal

See, now you're starting to brainstorm, that's always good.
Yeah I think he'd appreciate a fancy cooked meal of something he really likes, followed by a nice evening of snuggling up together.

Reply 8

cmh

Ooooo now I'm getting some ideas too haha. Though, I can barely cook :s-smilie:

Haha, yeah and do the whole candles stuff and complain you can't see what you're eating - it looks romantic lol. And yeah like, invisable gal said snuggle up with a nice dvd lol.

Oh and try out just chilling in the park for a day, PICNIC! Ummm, when the weather picks up anyway lol. So nevermind haha.

I dont know if you do this, but I've found that guys always appreciate it when you really open up to them, sit there and try and have a propper good discussion about this all. Tell him how you really feel about him and what he might want to do to improve your relationship together.

Also, crack open a bottle of wine or summit with your meal lol! :smile:

Reply 9

LadyEnglish

Don't become leechy towards him and don't give him control over the whole relationship. If he thinks you need him he'll realise he can do or say what he likes because you need him more than he needs you, so try and maintain a healthy balance in how you are towards him. Let him know you want him, but not that you need him or your life is over :rolleyes:

He sounds a bit insecure over your popularity, so perhaps try and reassure him over that. Other than that, sounds good, good luck with everything :biggrin:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

I'm absolutely determined not to be needy or clingy or give him power over me. I've unfortunately been in that sort of position before and generally got screwed over and ditched anyway, so I know I can live without him and would do so rather than get used. I don't know that he's so much insecure over my popularity (hell, I wouldn't say I'm popular), but he acknowledges that I'm the outgoing friendly one. I might try and reassure him a bit :smile:

Thanks

I love the picnic idea! :biggrin:

And a good chat is something I've been missing - something that isn't bitchy, depressing or completely inane.

Incidentally, I had a class with him this morning working on a project. He was generally wanting to hug and kiss, told me repeatedly that he loved me and that I looked nice. Score! Hopefully he's realised he was being an idiot, but even so, I've had a kick up the ass and I'm going to work harder on this from now on. :smile: