Hurtful break up , wanna move on but its hard

Well, I post as anon coz there are people on TSR know me :smile:

Sorry a long post

I broke up with my bf not long time ago in a very hurtful way..

We broke up once before Xmas over unknown reason of his..I was really hurt by that but I tried hard and nearly totally got over him. We didnt talk for a while and suddenly one day we talked on MSN, he was in a mess with all kinds of problems: family, university, financial problems etc. I was the one who listened to him and that time I kinda forgave for what he did to me before because I didnt really know what the reason was... I helped him a lot, we didnt see each other during that time, we just chatted and texted...I did his courseworks and essays ..well i shouldnt have done that...it was because he got sick and couldnt go to lectures and his work was going to due...I got up really early in the morning and did all the work so that they would be on time for him ( 4 courseworks, 2 essays :frown:

).. we agreed at that time we should be friends only... I came to stay with friends near where he lived so we arranged to meet up before Xmas...my misery started from that day ... he drove me around and reminded me of the days we were still together... and in a stupid moment I said yes to him , well I shouldnt have done that for goodness' sake :frown:

... we had a lovely Xmas together and I stayed with him for a while..

I came back to uni, my relationship was still going well altho it was LDR...exams took most of my time, I came to see him after my exams, we still got on well...he said he would have a surgery ( smt with his teeth) so he couldnt go up to see me... that was fine. The thing was he'd never call me back if I called him, we didnt talk much on the phone but only on MSN... he went out at some weekend and got a flu which was quite serious...I tried to talk to him but he told me off and told me to stop asking questions... What a timing, at that time I accidentally found out he had a gf before on holiday wen we hadnt broken up , they even planned to get married in winter and another thing was the gf got pregnant then they were going to have an abortion...i think he broke up with that girl already...I was mad that day and used so many crazy names on MSN but I didnt talk to him, I was really hurt but because he was sick so I decided to leave it til he got well...

The next morning I saw him online and asked him how he was doing...he was so pissed and :"Im going to delete u from my list...u r so selfish...do you know how sick im now....u dnt have to pretend to care about me ..."...well, i cared bout him but what he did was just beyond my imagination...we had big fight on MSN and we broke up, I tried to mention bout the things i found out but he didnt care..

2days later, it was me who texted him to say sorry for the fight on MSN when he was sick because thru a friend i knew he was seriously sick...( Im very emotional when it comes to people being sick..)... he got mad and told me to shut up, not to mess with him... i was so pissed and texted him back :"well, fair enuf, mistrust comes in, love comes out, maybe it was inevitable to find out the truth ? "...he constantly texted me back :"that was a ****ing lie, there was no ***ing girl, i never cheated on you..."...he called me 9 times that night but i didnt pick up til the 10th...he kept on explaining things I found out... by some chance i even got a picture which was taken on the day we were not together of him kissing and holding a girl ( I guessed that was the girl )...i forwarded to his email while we were talking on the phone...he said: that was his gf 4 years ago and the date was different, not on that day, and that somebody blackmailed him...

Well, in the end we ended it in very peaceful way, i didnt say anything more but say goodbye politely in a text...but after that thru a friend , he called him to tell him to talk to me to calm me down because I have all of his credit cards' details....he was worried bout his bank account :rolleyes:

rather than how hurt i was...well, he is fithly rich but i've ever used any of his cards..Im just living like a normal student trying to spend money sensibly....So far, I guess u guys think Im such a stupid girl right ?...yeah Im stupid...how could I be that nice to the person who hurt me badly one and even gave him a chance to hurt me more?... :rolleyes:

Im trying hard to move on and losing faith in people...I have been always a nice girl to everyone...

I resent so much, wanna take revenge so much on him :frown:

but at the end of the day, I feel its not me because I have my philosophy which is: whatever people do to you, try to be nice and never revenge because someday they are gonna pay what they've done.....Still, I cant get him out of my head and the days we were together... the same time want the day he gets paid for what he's done to me to come soon...

What can I do now to get rid of this feeling...

Sorry for the long post...

Reply 1

Spleh

Several things to remember:

1. Just because you are no longer with your boyfriend does not mean you are less of a person or that anything is wrong with you. I'm not saying that you think like this, but in my experience it can happen so I'm just pre-empting it.
2. Being a nice person is aweseome, don't give up on it as there are too few nice people in the world as it is.
3. This chap sounds like, to use common parlance, "a tool". He is an ungrateful sod who deserves to rot in the Seven Circles.

And as for my suggestion as to how to get over him, I suggest getting a shed-load of chocolate and watching some happy films, or even going to the cinema. "Music And Lyrics" is somewhat predicatable, but an ejoyable romp nonetheless and Hugh Grant is rather dashing.

Take courage my dear, you will carry through

Reply 2

jaroxski

He sounds like someone unstable... stay away from him and stop all contact with him.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

well, im stil feeling terrible...I have to go through the aftermath of the relationship again...feel like it is gonna take ages this time since it was worse than before :frown:

...

I've been telling myself to stop thinking of him but i still think of him, the more i think the more hurt i feel, obviously...its like I've never done anything bad to people, how could he do that to me?...why the hell is he living still happy without thinking of how cruel he's been to me ?... was i just a toy for him ?...etc...

Yeah, Im trying to keep myself busy with work but there's something in me heavily broken, I recently got annoyed with everyone, I easily get pissed :frown:

...sorry but kinda want to jump on the train and go to his place and slap his face .it sounds crazy doesnt it ?...

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

God cheers, you've made me realise theres no point in getting back with my ex.

I don't wanna go through that again :frown:

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

any more advice, im desperate :frown:

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

should i seek for counselling services ?...bit embrassed tho..
I cried the whole evening..imagined him with someone else while I was suffering this feeling ...just feel absolutely terrible...

Reply 7

Nagini

I don't think you really need counselling... It'll hurt before it gets better, you know that since you've been through this before. And even if you find it hard to believe now, it will get better eventually... I know that's probably the last thing you want to hear now, but I still feel the need to say it. Anyway you know yourself much better than i do, so if you really want to seek counselling services, don't be embarrassed. And if you can't shake the feeling of embarrassment, just don't tell anyone that you're going.
I would suggest you don't try avoiding things that remind you of him, people tend to do that... If you get used to seeing/experiencing the same stuff without him there they'll remind you of him less and less with time.