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Is my mum bipolar? watch

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    I am a 17 year old girl, with 3 brothers (2 older and 1 younger) For as long as I can remember, my mum has had terrible mood swings, and can get so low that she doesn't think her life is worth living. Over the past 5/6 years, she has begun to get worse and act out on me, and blame me for things that I know are fully out of my control. She is very sensitive as a person, and it only takes hearing one thing she doesn't like for her to flip. She has expressed suicidal thoughts to me many times, whilst telling me that it's my fault, I pushed her to that point etc. I know I am not a perfect daughter, but I have never treated my mum in a way that would cause her to blame me for that. In the past she has tried to throw herself in front of a tram and jump out of a window upstairs in our house, and has threatened to do much worse multiple times. My mum had a hard upbringing, being abandoned by her parents at a young age and being raised by her grandparents. She is extremely insecure and I do believe this is the root of her problems, however she deals with it in a way that is harmful both physically and emotionally traumatic for her family. She has never been officially diagnosed as bipolar, but has been through periods on anti-depressants. She has been a great mother to me and my brothers, and raised us to be good people, I know this, but I am worried for her and the people around her, as she seems to be worsening. I've had a boyfriend for the past few months, who is honestly one of the best things that has ever happened to me; he's caring, supportive and is trying to help me with this situation. Unfortunately, my mother seems to be doing everything in her power to break us up (she used to be friends with his father, but they fell out). She says horrible things about him when he's not here, calling him ugly, a b****ard and much more. He has done nothing wrong to her, nor have I, yet she seems to be taking her frustration out on us, and blaming us for her depression. A few nights ago she flipped on me, calling me condescending because I offered to make her a hot drink and some toast. I have never seen her as bad as this, she was punching and kicking walls, trying to pull her hair out of her head, hitting her head on walls, telling me all of the family talk s*** about me behind my back, and are all ashamed of me, trying to drive away in the car and almost smashing into the front of the house. I was petrified for her, and my own safety. I thought she was going to hurt me. My step-father was the only other person there, and managed to calm her down. They have gone away for the week straight after this which I am relieved about, it gives everyone time to cool down. My mother complains that our relationship is not the same as it used to be, and then in the next breath calls me a b**ch and says she wishes I wasn't her daughter. I am a strong person and I know that I am a good person, but there is only so long I can manage this. I know there is something wrong with her, and my step-dad admitted to me recently her knew she did too, but that we have to just deal with it ourselves, by talking and acting carefully around her (I disagree with this being the only way of dealing with it.. She needs professional help) I have been told hundreds of times by my step-dad "your feelings are not important to me right now, only your mother's are. Stop thinking about yourself and think about your mother". I would take this on the chin, but I am honestly a very compassionate, caring person, and know that throughout this, I've only been thinking of my mum. My boyfriend sent my mum flowers and a nice note, because he knew she was upset. She left them on the doorstep for hours in torrential rain, not wanting to admit to anyone that he had done something nice. She thinks everyone is against her, and no matter how many times I tell her I'm here for her, and want to help, she just tells me to F off, and that she's no longer supporting me with anything I do, because she doesn't care. Nothing I ever do will be good enough for her, but all I want to do is make her proud of me. I work hard in school, I'm ambitious, I'm caring to people and still I'm not good enough. I'm worried about the damage this is doing to my self esteem, I have to remind myself every day that I am a good person, and that my mums depression is NOT my fault, even though she openly blames me for it. I am struggling to cope, and have considered packing a bag and leaving, to somewhere where I am supported, rather than blamed. I love my mum so much, and I want her to get better, but I cannot handle the guilt she forces me to feel every day I am in this house. Chances are, she would be able to get better if I'm not there.. She sees me as a problem and I just want everybody to be happy. Any comments would be appreciated, I do not know if this is an indication of her being mentally ill, I almost hope that it is, because it means that she's not being horrible to me just because, and it's not her fault. I'm desperate and have barely anyone to talk to about it.
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    Anonymous,

    there is too much explanation. Sum it up so that we can answer easlily. We dont wanna read so much.
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    Bipolar is having manic episodes followed by depressive episodes. It sounds like she may just have depression, from the beginning section that I read. No one on TSR is qualified to diagnose her though, so you should suggest she goes to a doctors to get a proper diagnosis, if there is a mental health concern.

    It kind of sounds like, to me, you're just saying she's bipolar because she has mood swings. That's not how being bipolar works.
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    you're very young to have to deal with so much and it is really good that you're reminding yourself it isn't your fault because it really really really isn't... I went through something similar with my dad although thankfully I lived with my mum and only saw him a couple of times a week but it is horrible being constantly told that everything is your fault and you're a terrible daughter and it is terrifying and lonely trying to look after the rest of your family while you have a parent threatening suicide and you feel like you're falling apart yourself

    as much as it is a difficult decision to take, can you talk to someone at your college about the situation and see if external agencies can get involved? I doubt it would come to anything serious in terms of repercussions for your mum, it would just mean that the whole family is given appropriate support - and if neither of your parents are prepared to seek out help then perhaps the decision needs taking out of their hands, at the very least you need some support yourself (and for your younger brother)

    are your older brothers still at home? could either of them try and talk to your step dad or could you arrange a full family meeting and try and talk together?
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    I advice everyone to read the whole thing even though it is long.

    Your mother's actions are terribly horrifying am not even sure what to say.....
    just in shock. Stay strong no matter what and don't let her actions or comments get to you
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    First things first, bipolar disorder requires periods of mania - which you don't describe so bipolar is an unlikely option. It does sound like there is something wrong though - are you in school?? Is there a councillor you can talk to? Or maybe social services need to get involved for the good of all parties. I can also recommend family counselling - it helped me no end.


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    (Original post by Squaresquirrel)
    First things first, bipolar disorder requires periods of mania - which you don't describe so bipolar is an unlikely option. It does sound like there is something wrong though - are you in school?? Is there a councillor you can talk to? Or maybe social services need to get involved for the good of all parties. I can also recommend family counselling - it helped me no end.


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    A little copy-paste from Wiki:

    Mania is the mood of an abnormally elevated arousal energy level, or "a state of heightened overall activation with enhanced affective expression together with lability of affect." [1] Although it is often thought of as a "mirror image" to depression, the heightened mood can be either euphoric or irritable and, indeed, as the mania progresses, irritability becomes more prominent and can eventuate in violence.

    The OP has already made it clear that her mum has periods where she goes off the rails and becomes a risk of violence either to herself or those around her, which sounds very much like manic episodes to me. As explained above, manic episodes aren't just periods in which the person is abnormally chirpy and energetic - they can also be periods of uninhibition which lead to rage, violence and even suicide attempts (the person can experience one or both, all depends on their personality), and the condition as a whole comes with irrational thoughts and behaviour such as displaying such a relentless, ill-founded contempt for your own offspring . Having read the whole OP, a diagnosis of bipolar would be very much on the cards IMO.
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    maybe use paragraphs next time you write something this big?

    coming from a similar situation myself you're probably gonna have to come to grips with the fact there is no definite chance she'll ever get 'better' though is good she has your step-dad to look after her

    at the end of the day it's on her if she wants to sort herself out, has she been to see a GP?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am a 17 year old girl, with 3 brothers (2 older and 1 younger) For as long as I can remember, my mum has had terrible mood swings, and can get so low that she doesn't think her life is worth living. Over the past 5/6 years, she has begun to get worse and act out on me, and blame me for things that I know are fully out of my control. She is very sensitive as a person, and it only takes hearing one thing she doesn't like for her to flip. She has expressed suicidal thoughts to me many times, whilst telling me that it's my fault, I pushed her to that point etc. I know I am not a perfect daughter, but I have never treated my mum in a way that would cause her to blame me for that. In the past she has tried to throw herself in front of a tram and jump out of a window upstairs in our house, and has threatened to do much worse multiple times. My mum had a hard upbringing, being abandoned by her parents at a young age and being raised by her grandparents. She is extremely insecure and I do believe this is the root of her problems, however she deals with it in a way that is harmful both physically and emotionally traumatic for her family. She has never been officially diagnosed as bipolar, but has been through periods on anti-depressants. She has been a great mother to me and my brothers, and raised us to be good people, I know this, but I am worried for her and the people around her, as she seems to be worsening. I've had a boyfriend for the past few months, who is honestly one of the best things that has ever happened to me; he's caring, supportive and is trying to help me with this situation. Unfortunately, my mother seems to be doing everything in her power to break us up (she used to be friends with his father, but they fell out). She says horrible things about him when he's not here, calling him ugly, a b****ard and much more. He has done nothing wrong to her, nor have I, yet she seems to be taking her frustration out on us, and blaming us for her depression. A few nights ago she flipped on me, calling me condescending because I offered to make her a hot drink and some toast. I have never seen her as bad as this, she was punching and kicking walls, trying to pull her hair out of her head, hitting her head on walls, telling me all of the family talk s*** about me behind my back, and are all ashamed of me, trying to drive away in the car and almost smashing into the front of the house. I was petrified for her, and my own safety. I thought she was going to hurt me. My step-father was the only other person there, and managed to calm her down. They have gone away for the week straight after this which I am relieved about, it gives everyone time to cool down. My mother complains that our relationship is not the same as it used to be, and then in the next breath calls me a b**ch and says she wishes I wasn't her daughter. I am a strong person and I know that I am a good person, but there is only so long I can manage this. I know there is something wrong with her, and my step-dad admitted to me recently her knew she did too, but that we have to just deal with it ourselves, by talking and acting carefully around her (I disagree with this being the only way of dealing with it.. She needs professional help) I have been told hundreds of times by my step-dad "your feelings are not important to me right now, only your mother's are. Stop thinking about yourself and think about your mother". I would take this on the chin, but I am honestly a very compassionate, caring person, and know that throughout this, I've only been thinking of my mum. My boyfriend sent my mum flowers and a nice note, because he knew she was upset. She left them on the doorstep for hours in torrential rain, not wanting to admit to anyone that he had done something nice. She thinks everyone is against her, and no matter how many times I tell her I'm here for her, and want to help, she just tells me to F off, and that she's no longer supporting me with anything I do, because she doesn't care. Nothing I ever do will be good enough for her, but all I want to do is make her proud of me. I work hard in school, I'm ambitious, I'm caring to people and still I'm not good enough. I'm worried about the damage this is doing to my self esteem, I have to remind myself every day that I am a good person, and that my mums depression is NOT my fault, even though she openly blames me for it. I am struggling to cope, and have considered packing a bag and leaving, to somewhere where I am supported, rather than blamed. I love my mum so much, and I want her to get better, but I cannot handle the guilt she forces me to feel every day I am in this house. Chances are, she would be able to get better if I'm not there.. She sees me as a problem and I just want everybody to be happy. Any comments would be appreciated, I do not know if this is an indication of her being mentally ill, I almost hope that it is, because it means that she's not being horrible to me just because, and it's not her fault. I'm desperate and have barely anyone to talk to about it.
    Maybe bi polar with a bit of this? http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmo...lity-disorder/
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    (Original post by WoodyMKC)
    A little copy-paste from Wiki:

    Mania is the mood of an abnormally elevated arousal energy level, or "a state of heightened overall activation with enhanced affective expression together with lability of affect." [1] Although it is often thought of as a "mirror image" to depression, the heightened mood can be either euphoric or irritable and, indeed, as the mania progresses, irritability becomes more prominent and can eventuate in violence.

    The OP has already made it clear that her mum has periods where she goes off the rails and becomes a risk of violence either to herself or those around her, which sounds very much like manic episodes to me. As explained above, manic episodes aren't just periods in which the person is abnormally chirpy and energetic - they can also be periods of uninhibition which lead to rage, violence and even suicide attempts (the person can experience one or both, all depends on their personality), and the condition as a whole comes with irrational thoughts and behaviour such as displaying such a relentless, ill-founded contempt for your own offspring . Having read the whole OP, a diagnosis of bipolar would be very much on the cards IMO.
    I know what mania is, I have suffered from manic episodes in my life and seen friends and family go through manic episodes too. Obviously every person experiences such episodes differently but I am quite well informed.

    While it's true that aggression/irritability can be part of mania the way the OP described sounded like these are fast swings when a manic episode will typically last many months. Also the OP did not mention the classic symtpoms of mania such as lack of need for sleep, flight of ideas, and pressured talking.

    Of course I am not a doctor, and even if I were I would not be able to diagnose over the internet, which is why I urged the OP to seek extra help. . .
 
 
 
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