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Advice for Teacher in love with Ex Student watch

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hi,

    Just before we start, I have to say I will be checking this post infrequently as I am not alone very often. Stupid family!

    So straight to the point. I'm a teacher in his late twenties, and I am head over heels with one of my ex students. She has only recently finished and is moving onto University. I have only taught her for this year. As sad and pathetic as it sounds, I developed romantic feelings while I knew her as a student. Though she is now 18, I was in love while she was 17, might not be a difference but technically illegal I suppose?

    I've not had a great life so far, and meeting them has literally changed my life. I've accepted all the bad things in my life and come to love them, and I've been able to learn to love myself as well. She's made it all possible. We've hung out a lot during this year. From my eyes, it seemed like she went out her way sometimes so she could spend time with me, though it was never alone. I also went out of my way to see her, and again not alone. We spend a lot of time together I guess.

    So here is the current situation. They gave me a letter a while ago with their email to contact them by, and we've been mailing each other frequently. I am unable to gauge how personal these are. Normally we chat about our interests, or funny things, but sometimes she'll share things I wouldn't expect, like a photo of themselves, or telling me personal things.

    Besides seeing each other on results day, and spending a bit of time alone together, chatting, I have not had any other contact with them. I want to see them so much, but know it won't happen. I fear it was the last time I'll ever see her, and it really hurts me.

    So here's where you come in. I do not know how she feels about me, and I am too scared to ask. I am not entirely sure what I want from them, and definitely too scared to act on anything. I am looking for advice, and opinions on the matter.

    I am always thinking of them, everything reminds me of her, or I will think 'she'll like that' when I see something. I really want to know what to do? I'm not sure if I want to move on, but would I waste my life waiting around for someone who doesn't feel that way about me? I definitely know I want to stay as friends, but again, am I happy just being friends?

    I have told my friends, and surprisingly they were okay about it. But their advice is all over the place. One even suggested I give them my number, which wasn't even in my head but now is.

    I sincerely like her, and above all else, respect her a lot. I do not want to hurt her, nor put our current relationship at risk. But the idea I will never see her again, or that she may not like me as well is literally tearing me apart.

    Your opinion and advice on this matter is most welcomed. What do you think of the situation? Does it disgust you? Should I never tell her? Should I tell her? How? Should I learn to move on? How do I know she likes me back? How do I know if the feeling is mutual? Thanks,

    Some teacher
    • #2
    #2

    It doesn't disgust me and I do sympathise with you. However honestly I don't think anything good will come out of this. You were her teacher so it can potential cause issues with your career as there may be doubts to when the relationship started. Also she is going away to university where she will meet a lot of people possible more compatible people so it's highly unlikely that a new relationship would survive. Your both likely to want very different things in your life's right now and she'll probably look back on this 'thing' you feel you have as a stupid crush.
    Just let it go and move on.
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    Honestly, I think you are just infatuated by her (why not? she is young and pretty ). Students usually show the good qualities to teachers and hide the bad ones. She may not have many bad ones, but I really doubt a 18 years old girl to really wanting to date with an ex teacher, probably one of the common fantasy and she may stay for a short term, but in the end she would look forward more to her life and the young guys in her university (I think).

    If you really like her, tell her by putting the relationship at risk. I know you don't want, but if she doesn't know, she cannot decide (missing the chance to stay with her) and you cannot move on and look for a new love (who may be looking at you but you are too blinded by your student lol).

    Also think about what sort of relationship you have at the moment? If you don't even hang out with her for a coffee, I wouldn't even call you being her friend or someone close. Chatting is nice and fun, people can say confidential things over facebook chat without even meeting, but you need to meet to actually date someone.

    To answer your questions:
    1) You just fell in love
    2) I don't think is disgusting, I mean I am 22 and people think I am 16(wtf?), ending up with lots of kids (teenagers) around lol ...
    3) Don't tell her if you can (1) suppress your feelings, (2) deal with this regret and (3) move on. Do tell her if any of these three is not manageable.

    Pick up line for a date:
    Hey, how are you doing? It has been a while, how are things going?
    hmm nice ahah that was interesting ... Hey we should meet sometimes, it has been a while and I am missing you guys, how about go for a coffee this *Saturday*(*you can change)? you can tell me about how things are going or your plan for the uni lol ...

    On date: (you can talk about accommodation, fees, course, masters or phds, back up plans, deal with study or bad tutors, events) <-- give suggestion, NOT FUTURE HELP, because you are going to confess and if she refuse you, you will still have to provide (maybe reluctantly) materials to her as a gentleman. So do not say: "Hey maybe later I can give you this book, it can help you", but says: There is this book, this is the title, you may want to look up it, it is about how ..."

    To progress, final line: You know I have to admit it was nice to talk with you and I actually wanted to test something today ahah ... I think I developed some real feelings for you, regardless of what people may think, I am putting my feelings on the line and I would really love to date with you, you don't have to answer now, but don't make me wait too long, soo ... would you like to be my girlfriend? *end with a smile* (practice alot to not look weird <.<

    4) If she likes you back, she will say I think that was nice and I think we should hang out more to know each other (+1 point, you stopped being a teacher and considered as a potential guy)

    otherwise, I am sorry but I always thought you as my best teacher and friend but I was really flatter, thank you for your feeling and bla bla bla...

    Good luck! ^^
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thank you for the sound advice, everyone. I honestly can say I'm having a hard time right now, but I do know I feel like I'd be taking a lot from her if I try to force this. I will try my best to get over her, and move on, but it's so hard...
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    I'm in the opposite position I fell for my teacher and everyone believed it to be just a crush or fantasy however it has now been 14 years and I still have the same feelings and I have not seen this person for 9 years
 
 
 
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