Split up. Is it possible to stay friends?

Split up with my girlfriend. Her doing, not mine. She tells me I'm still her best friend and she still loves me and needs me.

I'm not entirely sure how I'm supposed to cope with this, when I still love her to bits anyway and never would have ended it.

How do I do the "just friends" thing, when my feelings are still the same?

Reply 1

L0RA

9

It wont until you realise that you're not getting back together and dont want a sexual relationship with her anymore :smile:

Reply 2

tulipsandsunshine

Leave it for a while such as two months. Don't make any form of contact before that time. You need time away to get rid of the routine of talking to her all the time. If you really do leave it two months its pretty likely that you will feel differently about her, and if you still want to, you could try to be friends then. It sounds harsh but its the only way to get over her if you like her that much.

Reply 3

Scarlett_Jewel

1

In my experience, you need space. It's thoroughly unfair of her to split up with you and then expect you to automatically move down into friendship gear just on her say-so.

You need to communicate this to her, and it'll kill you to do so because you care so much for her, but it'll hurt you more in the long run if you don't take the time to 'get over her' as a girlfriend before you can approach her as a friend. She should understand this and not be selfish, but she doesn't exactly sound like a selfless kinda gal.

It CAN work: I have an excellent relationship with one of my exes with whom I got very serious; we both now have separate love interests, but it was incredibly difficult for the initial 5 months after breaking up precisely because we DIDN'T give each other enough space.

You have to put yourself first here, and this involves a hell of a lot of space between her and you until you are moved on.

good luck xxx

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

you can't. if your feelings are the same, it's all or nothing. anything else will just be hurting you in the process. 'nothing' option will obviously hurt too, but in time, the hurt will abate.

being around her in a friendly manner will constantly refresh your feelings and leave you hanging wanting more than what you're getting. it hurts and it isn't nice. having said that, its not an easy thing to remove her from your life completely. you need a clear, objective mind where you're not engulfed by your emotions. be realistic, and truly understand the implications each scenario will have on you. then you'll cut it all because you know its the best option.

Reply 5

fleur de lis

15

I think it is possible to be friends after a relationship, but it isn't easy, and won't always work. I think it can only work if you are both in the same place mentally, ie. both want to be friends and do not still want something more. I also think to be friends so soon after breaking up, especially when you feel like you do is pretty much impossible. For it to work as a friendship I think you would need to give each other some time and space. Like others have said, for now, you'll just be reminded of your feelings and any hurt that was caused by the breakup, and that's not conducive to a successful friendship.

Reply 6

Minardi

12

Some good advice here. Its worked wit me and my ex, were still friends, but its hard. Give it a try :wink:

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Hmmm I think I've got some serious thinking to do. (when I've stopped crying)

Ohmygoodness this is so hard! Not only am I struggling to deal with the end of a relationship I honestly believed would be forever, AND the fact that she still wants to be best friends or w/e, I can't quite get my head about why it's ended. I mean, she's explained it to me...she basically rattled off a big long list of things I do wrong, but she refuses to give me the chance to change, which is a bit unfair I think. If I don't know things I do annoy her, how'm I meant to know not to do them?

*sigh*

Anyway, I have been invited to go and visit a friend in New Zealand for a few weeks sometime in the next few months...I'm thinking I should go as soon as I can afford it. I've always wanted to go, and I think now would be a good time - get away from everything here that reminds me of her, and spend some quality time with my oldest friend.

Split up. Is it possible to stay friends?

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