How Do I Deal With This?

I met a girl at uni 3 years ago in my class.I developed feelings for her and thought they were returned since she led me on alot.I asked her if they were in Sept but she said i was just her best friend.I was very very angry and hurt because i was led on a lot (to the point she was coming to meet my family) and stopped talking to her.She didnt take it well and cried and shouted at me,tried to make mutual friends hate me etc.Anyway 4 months on now and in uni everyday she sits and looks at me then cries and is very miserable around me.When she does this i think that she really does have feelings for me.Ive cut her out my life and dont talk to her because i dont feel our friendship was good because of the underlying feelings and what has went on.Im totally miserable in uni as she goes on about new guys she fancies and its done in front of me almost gloating.I struggle to handle this because i have very low self esteem and i still have really strong feelings for her and all this just doesnt help.Im totally miserable,how do i deal with this everyday?,its tearing me apart.

Reply 1

bunthulhu

To be honest I don't see anything in that post that makes it obvious she saw you as more than just a best friend? Could you perhaps explain a bit better?

Reply 2

Nix!

Anonymous

I met a girl at uni 3 years ago in my class.I developed feelings for her and thought they were returned since she led me on alot.I asked her if they were in Sept but she said i was just her best friend.I was very very angry and hurt because i was led on a lot (to the point she was coming to meet my family) and stopped talking to her.She didnt take it well and cried and shouted at me,tried to make mutual friends hate me etc.Anyway 4 months on now and in uni everyday she sits and looks at me then cries and is very miserable around me.When she does this i think that she really does have feelings for me.Ive cut her out my life and dont talk to her because i dont feel our friendship was good because of the underlying feelings [1] and what has went on.Im totally miserable in uni as she goes on about new guys she fancies and its done in front of me almost gloating [2].I struggle to handle this because i have very low self esteem and i still have really strong feelings for her and all this just doesnt help.Im totally miserable,how do i deal with this everyday?,its tearing me apart.

[1] Good, it's the best thing for you. I'm a huge fan of staying friends with people if it is at all possible, but sometimes there is just no friendship to salvage. If you're ever going to 'get over' her, you need to keep well away until you feel nothing for her. Only then would it be sensible to reassess your friendship, but the problem is, your initial friendship was founded on the feelings you had for her and by the time you stop feeling, it is probably already too late.

[2] It more than likely is done consciously in front of you. There could be two reasons for this:

a) She is trying to make you jealous in a pathetic attempt to win you back, or

b) She's pandering to her ego like 99% of immature girls do.

The difficulty lies in her true intention(s). If she is crying because you're ignoring her - either she's upset because she's lost a friend, or she does actually have feelings for you -- she can't have what she wants. Serves her right really.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

In all honesty, you have to learn that she doesn't have feelings for you. Friends can be flirtatious- there can be platonic love between you two.

But in the end, you shouldn't comprimise your relationship just because you can't handle it being nothing more than friendship.

You just have to move on and try to make the best of what you have. It seems like she's a really good friend, and that she thinks the same thing about you. Try to keep it at that.

Reply 4

Anon80008

She might have feelings for you. 'Just being friends' is an irritating phrase that can mean anything from 'Go away' to 'I'm going to play you along a bit, let's see how much you really want me'.

Personally, I'd try to find someone new. Even if she does have feelings for you, it would be a bizarre relationship imo.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

bunthulhu

To be honest I don't see anything in that post that makes it obvious she saw you as more than just a best friend? Could you perhaps explain a bit better?

Well for 2 years the tension between us was bad.We ended up agruing and bickering like a couple.Things really didnt feel right if that makes sense.She sent girls i was dating texts saying "get away from him hes my friend i care about him more than you,how dare you just walk in" after these girls got annoyed by the attention she was giving me.As i said,my family wanted her to come up for dinner and meet her because they thought were were going to get together i told her this and she readily agreed she wanted to come .If i had a friend like that id make sure they knew it was nothing more than plutonic so they wouldnt get hurt. She would say things to me like "oh you love me" and "ive always known you've loved me" then when i said i didn't tears would come to her eyes.Ive been joking with guys in my class about girls i like and again she would go all quiet and tears would well up.Im sure shes tried to make me jealous before and when she shouts about other guys she fancies she looks at me quite pointedly.These are only just a few examples of what went on believe me,theres much much more.
It took me to say up front "whats going on here" for her to say oh you're my best friend.I'm really annoyed because i feel she could have told me much earlier and saved me a LOT of hurt but the way she acted kept me going.Im also shocked that when i tried to calmly explain i didnt think we could be friends she burst into tears in a public place and started shouting at me that i was selfesh and at times in class would say in front of mutual friends look at that as****** sitting there.Then she tried to turn all out mutual friends against me
Its getting really stupid now,its 4-5MONTHS on and shes still crying virtually everyday and "shouting" about guys she fancies,its making me really uncomfortable and miserable.Ive totally withdrawn myself from the situation and cut all contact and at lunchtimes go away myself for 2 hours whilst she goes with our old friends,its not nice for me to have noone to talk to.Id be well over it if i didn't HAVE to see her everyday.Can girls really be that sad and angry sover losing a friend???????????????.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Also,last summer she would say things to me like "i was happy till i met you" and "you make me cry and make me miserable" I dont know what kind of friendship that is,really.

Reply 7

Nix!

It sounds like she may just want you as a friend but possibly does have some feelings for you, which is why she gets jealous when other girls get close to you. Alternatively though, she may actually really like and care about you but she's just an idiot who's emotionally immature.

I think you need to talk to her, on her own, away from people. Get it all out in the open, once and for all.

Although this plan sounds admirable, I wouldn't be surprised if she lies or soothes you with half-truths, girls I'm afraid are just generally like that.