Is there a point?

I've been dating a guy for over 8 months now and its great but almost since we started dating it was always implied that we would break up when we left for uni (we were certain they would be in different cities), but then lately i've been thinking: whats the point of being in a realtionship that you know is going to end soon? I mean what's the point of growing to care for eachother more or getting to know eachother better and depending on eachother, opening up, being close both emotionally and physically if in a few months you'll be out of eachothers lives completely..am i right? is there no point?

Reply 1

mrs fnerg

You definitely have to talk this through with your boyfriend. Me and my boyfriend are in the same position, and we both worked out that we will try to stay together, because we both believe if its meant to be then its meant to be. I said to him that I dont want to be with him if its just going to end, and he told me he'd been worrying about it for weeks, so make sure you say something, because your guy may feel the same.
Good luck!

Reply 2

*dottie*

I've been with my boyfriend nearly a year and a half. Up until a few months ago he wanted us to go our separate ways when we went to uni but he now wants to give it a go... so you never know, he might change his mind! We've talked about it and are going to stay together for at least a term and then see how it goes, sort of like a trial period before we decide we definitely want to stay together. Why don't you talk to your guy and suggest a trial period? It'll be a good compromise if he's not sure about things. September is still a while away, enjoy these next few months and then see what happens. Don't worry too much about your future together or you won't enjoy what you have now.

Reply 3

jaroxski

1

Talk on phone, talk on msn, send each other letters, use webcam, visit each other during holidays. You'll only be seeing each other less than normally.

Reply 4

Mashi

I don't think either of you should have implied or predicted that you will break up before you go to uni... because thats not going to do anything for the relationship. You two might even still be together whilst at uni- i'm sure it can still work out. If you both really care for each other, be more optimistic and have a good chat and clear the air :smile:

Reply 5

jaroxski

1

You might as well break up if you can't picture yourselves together in the future.

Reply 6

lljaneth

i think theres a point..i mean would you break up with someone who was dying in a few years? i realise its an extreme situation..but i mean most relationships dont last very long and you kind of know odds are you'll break up eventually..and as long as its fun you should just enjoy the present and forget the future..

Reply 7

Zoecb

11

Just enjoy the time you have. In a casual way.

Being in a relationship with an expiry date isn's always that great, but I had fun with my ex this summer, despite always knowing we would split up.

Reply 8

lljaneth

Zoecb

Just enjoy the time you have. In a casual way.

Being in a relationship with an expiry date isn's always that great, but I had fun with my ex this summer, despite always knowing we would split up.

how long had she been your ex for..? wasnt that awkward?

Reply 9

icedsilhouette

Relationships are about the present... surely by knowing your relationship to end it kinda puts pressure on the both of you to not get too attached... i don't think i could be in a relationship with an expiry date, but thats just my personal opinion...

Reply 10

Zoecb

11

No no, I'm a girl, my ex is a guy and only became an ex once we split up in October...

Reply 11

lljaneth

Zoecb

No no, I'm a girl, my ex is a guy and only became an ex once we split up in October...

oh sorry, i stupidly didnt read your screename, but was it a friendly split up? otherwise i just cant see it not being awkward..

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

icedsilhouette

Relationships are about the present... surely by knowing your relationship to end it kinda puts pressure on the both of you to not get too attached... i don't think i could be in a relationship with an expiry date, but thats just my personal opinion...

well thats kind of the issue..so far ive been fine forgetting about the expiry date and happily getting attached but recently i realised its probably going to be worse in the long run..i guess i just have to work out if the 'meantime fun' is worth it..

Reply 13

Sephrenia

16

Ive only been with my guy for 3 months [almost - yay!] but he wanted to split up when we went to Uni. I said that why don't we give it a try for like a term and then discuss where we're at over christmas, and see what we think then. I think that if its meant to be it will be and if it isn't then....

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Sephrenia

Ive only been with my guy for 3 months [almost - yay!] but he wanted to split up when we went to Uni. I said that why don't we give it a try for like a term and then discuss where we're at over christmas, and see what we think then. I think that if its meant to be it will be and if it isn't then....

i've thought of that..but im definitely the one that puts more effort in (in general, not just in my relationship) so i can see it not working out in terms of him making less of an effort than i would..
and suppose christmas comes and one of us thinks its going great and the other doesnt? that would be really..sucky (for lack of a better word..)

Reply 15

Sephrenia

16

Anonymous

i've thought of that..but im definitely the one that puts more effort in (in general, not just in my relationship) so i can see it not working out in terms of him making less of an effort than i would..
and suppose christmas comes and one of us thinks its going great and the other doesnt? that would be really..sucky (for lack of a better word..)

If you have opposing views about how you think its going then I would say you would have to sit down together and have a long talk about it, talk it through from every angle and possibly a few more and then come to a conclusion.

With my bf I have an added incentive to stay with him till after Xmas - Ive been invited to finland in jan with him, his brother+girlfriend! Not that I ever want to break up with him ever :love:

Reply 16

Zoecb

11

lljaneth

oh sorry, i stupidly didnt read your screename, but was it a friendly split up? otherwise i just cant see it not being awkward..

Yes it was friendly, we both knew it would happen.

Reply 17

gracie88

14

I don't think i could be in a relationship where i knew it would end at a specific time. I'm not saying that your relationship would last the full time you're at uni but why don't you explain to your bf it's upsetting you and you think it would be better to give it a shot than just end it.

Reply 18

xxsarahjwxx

There IS a point, and that is to enjoy each other and the love/fun/good times that come with it. I used to be like your bf but after a year and a half together, i cant bear the thought of splitting for uni....its gonna be tough enough without the added stress of being lonely and love-sick. I'd say see what happens with each new day, don't look at tomorrow, just enjoy today. That's what i'm doing and it's great...almost forgotten about the looming summer exams...!

Reply 19

starless_dark

2

Anonymous

I've been dating a guy for over 8 months now and its great but almost since we started dating it was always implied that we would break up when we left for uni (we were certain they would be in different cities), but then lately i've been thinking: whats the point of being in a realtionship that you know is going to end soon? I mean what's the point of growing to care for eachother more or getting to know eachother better and depending on eachother, opening up, being close both emotionally and physically if in a few months you'll be out of eachothers lives completely..am i right? is there no point?

Me and my then boyfriend went through exactly the same thing. I was so in love with him at the time and when I thought too hard about the possibility of us breaking up it would set me off crying (not often, thankfully). I saw the time we had left before uni as an opportunity to have as much fun together as possible, but he just looked at it pessimistically and saw it as pointless staying together because he felt we'd break up when uni came anyway. He broke up with me about a month before uni and I was very upset at the time; we'd been going out for 7 months. We didn't see each other for a month after that due to separate holidays with friends and family and when we met up to talk he was acting really awkwardly and it was like we couldn't be friends. Then one afternoon we suddenly ended up kissing and got back together, but that was a month before uni started - I wanted to give it a go at uni, yet again he wanted to be "best uni friends", so we went our separate ways and I found someone else at uni and now see my ex as a friend and can't imagine ever doing anything with him romantically or sexually again, the feelings have just gone. I feel bad though because he hasn't found anyone at uni yet and is getting really down about it and has been acting weirdly when we've met up or talked on msn. It depends on which viewpoint you take and whether you both want to put in the effort to make it work.

Is there a point?

Related discussions

Articles for you