"Can't you hear me, S.O.S.?": TLG's PhD study blog!

New blog can be found here: https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7614702

26 year old ethnomusicology student (University of London) researching ABBA fandom, seeks TSR peeps to act as cheerleaders as she battles her way through PhD studies. Apply for cheerleading position(s) by following/posting on this thread :biggrin:

A bit about my PhD topic

A bit about my specific PhD project: I am doing an ethnographic study of ABBA fandom in the 21st century :awesome:

(Ethnographic means that there's a practical element to the research, like going to fan meet-ups/conventions and interviewing people, etc, rather than just theorising ABBA based on my own guesswork/conclusions.)

I chose to do this partly because I am an ABBA fan myself, but also because I think ABBA are an interesting case study, since they continue to be part of mainstream culture despite having never reformed. (They have actually turned down $1 billion USD in the past to reform :headfire:

) I figured there must be some interesting things to say about them!

I have been doing participant-observation fieldwork with the UK branch of the Official International ABBA Fan Club, and have interviewed an ABBA biographer, as well as the curator/director of the ABBA Museum in Stockholm. I've also been keeping tabs on Facebook groups revolving around ABBA. So a lot of my work involves hanging round on Facebook. Such a tough life I lead :emo:

A bit about me/some housekeeping rules

A few bits of contextual info about me/my PhD, for those who don't know me that well:

1. I suffer from schizoaffective disorder and am registered as mentally disabled. This inevitably shapes how my PhD journey goes a lot

2. Ethnomusicology is (put crudely) the social anthropological study of music. It is the study of "music IN culture" and "music AS culture" (Alan Merriam). Traditionally it referred to so-called 'world musics' but now it encompasses everything

3. My undergraduate degree is in music from Woosta College, University of Oxford. My MA degree is in music (ethnomusicology pathway) from Goldsmiths, University of London. Had a **** time at Oxford for many reasons which I will not discuss here, but which again shape the way I approach my PhD. Goldsmiths was much better. I am currently at a different college of the University of London (would prefer not to name it here).

4. If you are one of these people who like to put two and two together and find my uni website page/academia.edu - please DO NOT refer to me on here by my full first name, or my full name (first name/surname). I prefer to keep a degree of anonymity on here

If you wanna call me something, you may call me Shan or TLG.

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(edited 4 months ago)

Reply 180

The_Lonely_Goatherd

OP

20

Feeling really very ill but have managed to send a redraft of my journal article abstract to my supervisor :king1:

. So feeling like I've done something productive at least :biggrin:

Though my brain keeps telling me that my supervisor hates me, which is less helpful :emo:

Reply 181

Mazzini

16

Original post

by The_Lonely_Goatherd

Feeling really very ill but have managed to send a redraft of my journal article abstract to my supervisor :king1:

. So feeling like I've done something productive at least :biggrin:

Though my brain keeps telling me that my supervisor hates me, which is less helpful :emo:

PRSOM.

Well done hun, proud of you :h:

Reply 182

The_Lonely_Goatherd

OP

20

Original post

by Mazzini

PRSOM.

Well done hun, proud of you :h:

Thanks hun :kissing2:

Reply 183

Mazzini

16

Original post

by The_Lonely_Goatherd

Thanks hun :kissing2:

You can do this :yep:

Reply 184

The_Lonely_Goatherd

OP

20

So today has been a day of small victories. I picked up a book for the first time in a VERY long time (like, approx. 2 weeks, if not longer) and managed to read about 3.5 chapters and highlight different passages in pretty colour, according to relevance to my thesis, etc. I've got a week to somehow put a rough plan of my methodology section together :hide:

But I'm hopeful that if I carry on working hard and feeling well, maybe I can do it :colondollar:

Also I took a big step in self-care today by telling someone from the disability office at my current uni, about some of the worst aspects of my undergrad degree experience. It took a lot to confide in her but I'm glad I did because she was as cool as a cucumber but equally very supportive and understanding. I hadn't quite realised how much baggage I had brought with me from Oxford to my current uni (via Goldsmiths of course) and how problematic it has been in terms of my interactions with my supevisor :s-smilie:

We're still thinking about full-time v part-time but I have come up with a cunning plan in that respect - just need to implement it and get the ball rolling :colone:

It does mean that if it happens, that my departmental budget will be slashed in half to £250 maximum per year, which is not really enough to cover my international travel :s-smilie:

Will have to see how to make up the money. Maybe by teaching in the department next year and/or doing The Brilliant Club :yep:

Second draft of journal abstract is with supervisor so will hopefully get that back soon :h:

Reply 185

shoshin

10

Original post

by The_Lonely_Goatherd

...Will have to see how to make up the money...

...,money, money.

During the 1998 World Cup, the England football squad tried to surreptitiously squeeze as many song titles as possible into their tv interviews. In retrospect it was amazing that they went on and on and on for so long before anyone noticed:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6C9NxPkyVsU

Thought it might cheer you up a bit to play a similar occasional and unspoken ABBA game on your thread? :bebored:

Reply 186

The_Lonely_Goatherd

OP

20

Original post

by shoshin

... money

, money.

During the 1998 World Cup, the England football squad tried to surreptitiously squeeze as many song titles

as possible into their tv interviews. In retrospect it was amazing that they went on and on and on for so long before anyone noticed:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6C9NxPkyVsU

Thought it might cheer you up a bit to play a similar occasional and unspoken ABBA game on your thread? :bebored:

ZOMG that is HILARIOUS :rofl:

The poor people interviewing them must have just been like :erm:

I'd be well up for this game :ahee:

GOGs from GOG Soc are experts in it - you should have seen the thread on the day I did my first conference paper in Chester last April. There must have been at LEAST 3 pages (if not more) full of ABBA titles/lyrics slipped in there :biggrin:

Reply 187

The_Lonely_Goatherd

OP

20

So supervisor said last supervision to have a go at writing the introduction chapter. Except I'm not sure whether she meant the whole bloody chapter, or just start writing a bit of it. I've opted to believe she meant the latter (mostly for my own convenience/peace of mind :tongue:

) and so am trying to put together a methodology plan.

In the past I have found the methodology section the easiest by far, but I'm struggling to know whether I've included everything that I need to. Somehow with the PhD, I feel out of my depth when it comes to lit review and methodology :erm:

Have reached out via Facebook to my fellow ethnomusicologists to see if I can get any input so that I don't look like a COMPLETE muppet when I meet supervisor on Tuesday :yep:

Managed to send draft 3 of the journal article abstract to my supervisor. Hoping it's third time lucky, since she didn't really like the second draft much compared to how much she liked the first one :getmecoat:

I have to meet my advisor next week. Nervous, not least because I'm still not clear on what an advisor at my uni is supposed to do :eek:

I think the idea is that if something happens with/to supervisor, advisor can take over :dontknow:

Meh. Should be interesting at least :hide:

Will keep you all posted :h:

Reply 188

shoshin

10

Original post

by The_Lonely_Goatherd

...I think the idea is that if something happens with/to supervisor, advisor can take over...

Two for the price of one :innocent:

Reply 189

The_Lonely_Goatherd

OP

20

Original post

by shoshin

Two for the price of one :innocent:

Reply 190

The_Lonely_Goatherd

OP

20

That serendipitous moment when you are dreading opening your inbox coz you have to write and tell supervisor you are too ill to attend supervision today, only to finally open inbox and find that supervisor has sent Y an email saying she is too ill to do supervision today :moon:

*inserts Hallelujah chorus by Handel as soundtrack music to this moment* :tongue:

Reply 191

The_Lonely_Goatherd

OP

20

Sorry I went AWOL, everyone - psychosis took over and so there was nothing much to disclose on the work front.

Had a supervision today and was feeling teary beforehand and now even more teary afterwards! :facepalm:

My supervisor is too nice to me and it really confuses me, coz I'm so used to being shouted at or being ridiculed for being slow and/or not understanding things and/or not doing enough work :dontknow:

Journal abstract draft is nearly done :king1:

Just a few changes to be made and read over by the supervisor and then I can send it off! :ahee:

Methodology stuff is ticking over. Supervisor liked my plan but thought I was being a bit over-defensive of ethnomusicology, oops :redface:

Generally things are good. Plus I am now TLG, MA Music (Oxon), MA Music (London)! :smartass:

Reply 192

The_Lonely_Goatherd

OP

20

Mental health completely went down the toilet shortly after I wrote that post :facepalm:

Haven't been this low-functioning since Oxford :erm:

I am back on the road uphill towards recovery now though, which is the main thing, I guess :redface:

Just came on here to announce I have written TWO (very short) paragraphs of the second half of my methodology section! :king1:

Hopefully will get enough done today to send to my supervisor later.

Also, I have found the PERFECT Christmas present for supervisor (relating to a conversation that was happening on Craghy's blog): a tea-based Advent calendar from Harrods :biggrin:

Supervisor is lactose-intolerant but this Harrods Advent calendar has a nice teabag behind each door :biggrin:

Reply 193

madamemerle

10

Original post

by The_Lonely_Goatherd

Mental health completely went down the toilet shortly after I wrote that post :facepalm:

Haven't been this low-functioning since Oxford :erm:

I am back on the road uphill towards recovery now though, which is the main thing, I guess :redface:

Just came on here to announce I have written TWO (very short) paragraphs of the second half of my methodology section! :king1:

Hopefully will get enough done today to send to my supervisor later.

Also, I have found the PERFECT Christmas present for supervisor (relating to a conversation that was happening on Craghy's blog): a tea-based Advent calendar from Harrods :biggrin:

Supervisor is lactose-intolerant but this Harrods Advent calendar has a nice teabag behind each door :biggrin:

So glad to hear you are on the uptick!

Re presents: you are all making me worry that Ive been horribly ungenerous - Ive never given presents, or even cards, to my supervisors here. Maybe I'll get cards this year... though, to complicate it, two of my supervisors are married to each other; should I give cards to each?
I do think presents wouldnt be appropriate for the culture we have in my department, and anyway the US is much more touchy about christmas as a Christian festival than people in the UK are, or perhaps Ive just become sensitive to it since marrying someone Jewish :dontknow:

Edited to add: I didnt mean that to suggest you, or anyone else, should be worried about giving gifts/cards to people who dont celebrate Christmas! It was more a comment on the formality of my department. Its actually kind of odd to me that in a nominally Catholic uni we dont have any sign of Christmas (no decorations, nothing) in our department.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 194

The_Lonely_Goatherd

OP

20

Original post

by madamemerle

So glad to hear you are on the uptick!

Re presents: you are all making me worry that Ive been horribly ungenerous - Ive never given presents, or even cards, to my supervisors here. Maybe I'll get cards this year... though, to complicate it, two of my supervisors are married to each other; should I give cards to each?
I do think presents wouldnt be appropriate for the culture we have in my department, and anyway the US is much more touchy about christmas as a Christian festival than people in the UK are, or perhaps Ive just become sensitive to it since marrying someone Jewish :dontknow:

Thanks! And don't feel ungenerous at all! If it doesn't sit well with you or if it's not appropriate for the country/culture/department, then of course you shouldn't do it! I am a bit worried about giving my supervisor a Christmas present, in case she thinks I'm being inappropriate :colondollar:

Having a lot of issues with supervisor atm (issues on my side, not so much to do with her)...

In any case, far better to be safer than to be sorry. Like the awkward time I was feeling so happy because I survived Easter and all the Holy Week Masses, that I wished a Jewish person a Happy Easter :eek:

To be fair, I'm not sure I knew he was a Jew at that point, but still - totes awkward :getmecoat:

As for the cards to the two married supervisors, I would have thought a joint Crimbo card would suffice? :smile:

Reply 195

The_Lonely_Goatherd

OP

20

Managed to cobble together 2013 words of methodology for supervisor in the end. They weren't good words and I'm disappointed with myself, but supe claims that it's a good amount, so... :dontknow:

I panicked about giving supervisor a Christmas present (not due to any discussion on here, but just because I'm a bit of a neurotic mess atm) yesterday and emailed my disability advisor, H. H assures me that it's OK or at least not inappropriate, so that's good :redface:

Now to find some half-decent wrapping paper and use my non-existent wrapping skills! :work:

Mood is still shockingly low but I have a routine appointment with my psychiatrist today so hopefully that might help :redface:

Reply 196

Liv1204

19

I hope the appointment with your psychiatrist went well. It's such a horrible feeling being so low, so hope things improve again soon.

And well done for the 2013 words! Even if they aren't good words, they are words. They can be edited later, rearranged, deleted, whatever necessary, but for now they are there, and that is the hardest part sometimes!

Reply 197

The_Lonely_Goatherd

OP

20

Original post

by Liv1204

I hope the appointment with your psychiatrist went well. It's such a horrible feeling being so low, so hope things improve again soon.

And well done for the 2013 words! Even if they aren't good words, they are words. They can be edited later, rearranged, deleted, whatever necessary, but for now they are there, and that is the hardest part sometimes!

Thanks so much for your supportive post, Liv :redface:

How are you doing? Feels like we haven't crossed paths in a while? :colondollar:

Psychiatrist was very nice and kind. There's no quick fix sadly but she was keen to work alongside the voices I hear, rather than trying to tell them/me to **** off (which is never a good strategy). So it was a good appointment and I'm a bit more hopeful now! :redface:

Supervision was less successful, in that supervisor kinda freaked out that I gave her a present and then I freaked out that she was freaking out and it was all one big freak out, oops :redface:

On the plus side though, my journal article abstract is FINALLY sent off, after a month of working on it :king1:

Reply 198

Liv1204

19

Original post

by The_Lonely_Goatherd

Thanks so much for your supportive post, Liv :redface:

How are you doing? Feels like we haven't crossed paths in a while? :colondollar:

Psychiatrist was very nice and kind. There's no quick fix sadly but she was keen to work alongside the voices I hear, rather than trying to tell them/me to **** off (which is never a good strategy). So it was a good appointment and I'm a bit more hopeful now! :redface:

Supervision was less successful, in that supervisor kinda freaked out that I gave her a present and then I freaked out that she was freaking out and it was all one big freak out, oops :redface:

On the plus side though, my journal article abstract is FINALLY sent off, after a month of working on it :king1:

Indeed! I have been struggling with mental health a lot recently too, but things are ok apart from that. Starting to think about applying for a PhD, trying to decide what to do about funding it! Missing research already. :redface:

Sorry to hear the supervision wasn't so successful - sounds like your supervisor wasn't all that helpful! But well done for submitting the journal abstract, and I'm glad the psychiatrist appointment was more useful. It can feel so demotivating sometimes knowing that it's a long-term thing with no easy 'cure', but it makes such a difference having someone understanding.

Reply 199

The_Lonely_Goatherd

OP

20

Original post

by Liv1204

Indeed! I have been struggling with mental health a lot recently too, but things are ok apart from that. Starting to think about applying for a PhD, trying to decide what to do about funding it! Missing research already. :redface:

Sorry to hear the supervision wasn't so successful - sounds like your supervisor wasn't all that helpful! But well done for submitting the journal abstract, and I'm glad the psychiatrist appointment was more useful. It can feel so demotivating sometimes knowing that it's a long-term thing with no easy 'cure', but it makes such a difference having someone understanding.

Sorry to hear you are ill too - big hugs! :jumphug:

Supervisor was helpful in all other aspects :colondollar:

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"Can't you hear me, S.O.S.?": TLG's PhD study blog!

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