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Boyfriend vs. university

My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost a year now. We love each other and it's all nice and good. He's funny, smart, sweet and everything I could want in a boyfriend.

But when it comes to university, I'm not sure that I want us to stay together. He's the first boyfriend I've had and I'd like to be able to have a chance to date someone else, if only for the experience.
I'm scared that if I let him go, I'll never find anyone else who loves me like he does, and who I feel as comfortable and happy with. But I can see us staying together indefinitely. The thought of being with a boy that I started dating when I was 17, for the rest of my life ... it seems daunting.

If I really loved him, wouldn't I want to stay with him?

Reply 1

Talya

16

For me, personally, there was no doubt I wanted to be with my boyfriend or at least near him at uni. Have you talked about it with him yet?

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

17

forget the dick, think ahout your career etc, go for the uni

Reply 3

dh00001

16

yes you would. wanted to date others for experience? alot of descriptions come to mind but then again each to their own :rolleyes:

Reply 4

Meep!

9

I didn't even think about leaving my bf when it came to uni. If you love him, you can work it, however if you're having doubts now, then it probably won't work.

Reply 5

20083

2

If you want to date others for any reason then I doubt you love him. If you did then you would not be able to imagine yourself with anyone else. That doesn't mean you are not happy with him, you probably are. Do what you would do if you were single, let your relationship work itself out.

Reply 6

Greenmile

9

it sounds like it's not so much boyfriend vs uni but boyfriend vs potential other boyfriends. Don't dump him just because you think you should in case you meet someone else. A lot of relationships break up when people go to uni, but in those cases, they probably weren't meant to be anyway. Some couples make a joint decision to split because they know they will be tempted when they are apart. If you finish with him, it's unlikely (though not impossible) that you would ever get back together with him, so I think you should give it serious thought before doing that.

Reply 7

silverbolt

19

to be honest id say your education comes first if your passionate about it

Reply 8

sssh

10

Anonymous

My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost a year now. We love each other and it's all nice and good. He's funny, smart, sweet and everything I could want in a boyfriend.

But when it comes to university, I'm not sure that I want us to stay together. He's the first boyfriend I've had and I'd like to be able to have a chance to date someone else, if only for the experience.
I'm scared that if I let him go, I'll never find anyone else who loves me like he does, and who I feel as comfortable and happy with. But I can see us staying together indefinitely. The thought of being with a boy that I started dating when I was 17, for the rest of my life ... it seems daunting.

If I really loved him, wouldn't I want to stay with him?

You'll probably split up with him at uni. At the moment you'll no doubt see posts like this as being irredeemably cynical. This is understandable. It happens to so many people; you probably won't want to be swept up as part of the huge "university/old relationships" cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason.

Remember you don't have to stay with anyone for your whole life!

If you do manage to stay together then that's nice and you'll be an exception to the rule. It might be hard. I do think that being with my ex boyfriend during my first term was good because it stopped me from making stupid decisions, like kissing the first boy who paid me any attention! I'm quite glad nothing happened there, he turned out to be quite annoying. But meeting new people and both of you being in different situations changes things and makes you realise what's best for you. I feel much happier since I was honest and split up with him.

Reply 9

wackysparkle

14

try out an LDR

Reply 10

Talya

16

sssh

You'll probably split up with him at uni.

If you think you'll split up then you will, if you think you'll stay together, you will!

The thought my bf and I would break up was never allowed to cross my mind, and so far we've survived the first semester and just got engaged.

Reply 11

Liv_B

Slightly different but I'll tell you my story. I live in the Middle East and my boyfriend of a year had to move back to England... It was a huge deal for both of us and we tried the whole long distance thing.. big mistake! It's been 4 and a half months since we broke up and now I'm happy and single. He was my first everything so it seemed SO serious that we had to break up "What will my life be like without you" and so on.. to be honest I think it was a good thing... it put a sense of reality into what was going on, and now I'm looking forward to going to uni SINGLE and not being worried about everything I do and how it would affect him. Yes, every situation is different, but university is a time of getting to know who YOU are, not who your boyfriend is. If you're having doubts, maybe it's time to put yourself first. But as someone else said, think about it properly because once it's over, the chances of you getting back together again are very slim. Good luck with whatever you decide and have a great time at uni! I'm so psyched to go :biggrin:

Reply 12

supernova2

11

Anonymous

My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost a year now. We love each other and it's all nice and good. He's funny, smart, sweet and everything I could want in a boyfriend.

But when it comes to university, I'm not sure that I want us to stay together. He's the first boyfriend I've had and I'd like to be able to have a chance to date someone else, if only for the experience.
I'm scared that if I let him go, I'll never find anyone else who loves me like he does, and who I feel as comfortable and happy with. But I can see us staying together indefinitely. The thought of being with a boy that I started dating when I was 17, for the rest of my life ... it seems daunting.

If I really loved him, wouldn't I want to stay with him?

Your right, its hard to know if you truly love someone and can be with them for the rest of your life when you haven't been out with other people at all. Imo leave him, find out how every other guy is a **** and then maybe you can get back together in 3 years time :biggrin:

Reply 13

sssh

10

Talya

If you think you'll split up then you will, if you think you'll stay together, you will!

That's silly logic! You can't stop him from not moving on with mind power, no matter how much you may be in love with him. Is he going to uni too, OP? I don't want to be really cynical, I was just saying that there is a high probability that they will break up.

The thought my bf and I would break up was never allowed to cross my mind, and so far we've survived the first semester and just got engaged.

You've just got engaged at what, 18? That's nice & all but...wow, you have your whole life for this sort of thing. I guess if that's what suits you...

Reply 14

Talya

16

sssh

You've just got engaged at what, 18? That's nice & all but...wow, you have your whole life for this sort of thing. I guess if that's what suits you...

We know we'll be together for the rest of our lives so, engaged now, married after uni.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

sssh

Is he going to uni too, OP?

Yeah, he is. We've applied to some of the same places, and he's willing to go to the same one as me, if that's what I want. The trouble is, I feel guilty that he's the one following me.
I guess I need to talk to him and try and figure something out.

Thanks for all your advice!

Reply 16

HeadShock

I think it is obvious that you aren't that much into him
(otherwise the idea of dating other men wouldn't be inconceivable)

Choose UNI!!!

Reply 17

Absinthe

1

If you don't think you want to be with someone, why are you still with them? If there is even a smidgen of doubt in your mind, why drag it on? So you say you're happy...if that were true, then surely you'd stay with him?

Honestly, skip the bull and end it now if you don't see any future in it.

Reply 18

Hanzing

13

My friend had the exact same dilemma, She had been With her boyfriend for nearly two years and were each others first serious relationship and they chose to break up when they went to university. I dont doubt that thye didnt love each other, But understood that they both felt that being together wouldnt be right for them and for there university experience, There both very happy at uni, with new partners. But again that was there personal decision and you need to make the right one for you. Ever thought Of maybe trying LD and seeing if it works, and if not then maybe not.

Reply 19

Alasdair

14

Dump him. Seriously.

These kind of threads often get self-selecting answers because those people who reply to them are of the 'I went to University with a boyfriend and now I force him to drive down to see me every weekend and it's great!' brigade.

But to be honest, most people either go to University single, make sure they go to University single, or become single within months of going to University. End it now, before it becomes weird/nasty/whatever.

Boyfriend vs. university

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