The Student Room Group

Growing old, losing charm

to those on this forum who are barely adults...

do you also feel as if the time to play and fool around is over?

And together with that, do you also feel as if you're losing all the things that you used to take for granted during your teenage years?

Your charme, your spontaneity, etc. sacrificed for the sake of fitting into the "adult world" and being like everyone else?

I'm starting to feel that way, in addition to feeling physically older as well.
And it all influences each other, like in a vicious circle.

I'm a guy and my daily bread used to be the attention (whatever kind of it) from the opposite sex... day after day I feel as if the amount of this attention decreases exponentially.
I'm pushed more and more into the shadows, backstage... becoming insignificant, old, antique... obsolete.

Is this unavoidable?

Uh... I'm so confused. And I start remembering all those horror experiences from the decadent novels we read in high school... omg

Reply 1

Anonymous
I'm a guy and my daily bread used to be the attention (whatever kind of it) from the opposite sex... day after day I feel as if the amount of this attention decreases exponentially.


You poor darling. How do you cope? God forbid you ever have a real problem...

Reply 2

Surely, as one gets older, one gains experience and therefore gains charm and charisma?

Or is that just me and my friends? :p: :wink:

Reply 3

Is this unavoidable?


Hell no, it isn't. Now bite on this pillow coz I ain't having you waking mom at this time of night. In for a penny, in for a pound.

Reply 4

I think you get to a point where you realise its time to stop dicking around and get on with life.

Reply 5

:redface: Just because you're getting older, doesn't mean you have to become some dreary, boring old git! As you grow older, you gain experience of life, hone your personality, and doors just open for you everywhere! I don't, and never have planned on ever changingthe way I live my life just so I can fit in with what I assume (and probably wrongly, because it's totally stereotyping) is the way that I 'should' act, simply because I've had another birthday. OP, how old ARE you?

Reply 6

JC.
I think you get to a point where you realise its time to stop dicking around and get on with life.


v.true. plus you realise that everyone thinks the fool is an arsehole, so you have to be serious

Reply 7

naivesincerity
v.true. plus you realise that everyone thinks the fool is an arsehole, so you have to be serious


But not all the time, it's far more "grown up" to know when to be serious and when you can be childish.

Reply 8

Well, I don't plan ahead how I should behave, and I'm actually quite unaware while the change happens. I only realize it afterwards, that I'm becoming more and more what is called "adult".

I don't know whether it's a stereotype. I think it's a biophysiological(???) state of life where you simply do what will help you get a job, show respect to your employers, etc. start working so that you will be able to run a house and a family, etc.

Obviously I'm analysing myself post experience.

All I can say is that I don't like the way my life has become ever since I became an adult (I'm 20 now).

Reply 9

Anonymous
Well, I don't plan ahead how I should behave, and I'm actually quite unaware while the change happens. I only realize it afterwards, that I'm becoming more and more what is called "adult".

I don't know whether it's a stereotype. I think it's a biophysiological(???) state of life where you simply do what will help you get a job, show respect to your employers, etc. start working so that you will be able to run a house and a family, etc.

Obviously I'm analysing myself post experience.

All I can say is that I don't like the way my life has become ever since I became an adult (I'm 20 now).


But, OP, I'm 20!! I don't see the need to change myself totally simply because I've made the transition from a teenager to being in my twenties; alright, there is a time and a place for messing around, and acting about 12 (and with me it tends to be most of the time :s), but there is also a time and a place to be sensible. You just have to recognise where it is NOT acceptable to act like you would around your friends. My life hasn't changed suddenly since I became an 'adult', as you put it, (that is, if you can actually call yourself, mentally, not legally, an 'adult' at 20, I personally feel that you never hit a particular stage marked 'adult', you just gain more life experience) it has simply, I think, evolved a bit as I've grown older, over time. My point is, your life is what you make it. I don't understand why you are trying to be something you are not, and don't enjoy being, all the time.

Reply 10

Anonymous
to those on this forum who are barely adults...

do you also feel as if the time to play and fool around is over?

And together with that, do you also feel as if you're losing all the things that you used to take for granted during your teenage years?

Your charme, your spontaneity, etc. sacrificed for the sake of fitting into the "adult world" and being like everyone else?

I'm starting to feel that way, in addition to feeling physically older as well.
And it all influences each other, like in a vicious circle.

I'm a guy and my daily bread used to be the attention (whatever kind of it) from the opposite sex... day after day I feel as if the amount of this attention decreases exponentially.
I'm pushed more and more into the shadows, backstage... becoming insignificant, old, antique... obsolete.

Is this unavoidable?

Uh... I'm so confused. And I start remembering all those horror experiences from the decadent novels we read in high school... omg

are you in your early 20s? cos if its bad now, think how bad it will in 10 years time, besides, your physical fitness peak should not decline noticeably unitl about 25+

Reply 11

I think putting a label on when people should grow up is wrong. We all do it at different times, and believe it or not, the ones who "grow up" sooner are often the ones who are more "successful."

That being said, you can't fight the biological clock. As we get older, we lose part of our sex appeal in certain ways. You just need to find other ways to enhance it. What you thought was cool or sexy at 17 isn't the same thing it is at 21, and and it's different at 25 than it is at 21. The problem you sound you are having is that you no longer relate to an age gap that is now younger than you. That just happens.

Reply 12

I love being an adult. Since I've started earning my own income, this is real life, and I love it. No one to tell me how to spend my money, because it's mine. No one to tell me when to get home. No one to tell me, you leave under my roof so you abide by my rules.
I mean, I love my mum and dad and I had a great time at home. But now this time is over, and I'm glad I've moved on to the next stage.

This is real life, it sucks, and I love it :biggrin:

Reply 13

You still don't understand me.

I'm not trying to be anyone. I'm not purposely trying to fit anywhere.

I'm saying that it simply HAPPENS! I'm not aware of it when and how it happens, but only notice it when I think about it, at night, or during "thinking-sessions"...

I notice that there has been a change only when I think back about the past and compare myself with who I used to be... and I think I've become dull, careerist, an ant belonging to an ant colony.

I'm absolutely aware that "adult" has different connotations. "Grown up" is an absolutely relative term.
But in this case I am referring to the condition of "being like everyone else in society". You know... "adult" in the sense of wearing a suit and a tie, formal, brainwashed by the company or job prospectives. I'm still at university, but I often fear that I'm bound towards that direction...

I don't want to become a corporate wh**re!

Physically... mentally... I dunno.
I observe. I remember that just 2 years ago girls would smile at me on the streets. Not that I slept with each girl I met, but I simply felt okay, I was myself.

Something has happened to me ever since... and I don't really know what.

And I take that as a symptom of decay... ?

Reply 14

Come on, being in your twenties is the best period of your life! And I'm yet to hit my twenties...I'm not even 19 for a good few months. But I've got a load of twentysomethings in my social circle, and they're having a great time. Unless you're completely immature, and think that being an idiot to everyone is your idea of fun, then I hardly see why hitting adulthood needs to make your life boring.

ETA: And if you don't want to have a generic and boring blue or white collar job, you could always try following your passions? Not every job requires you to push a pen for some massive corporation.

Alternatively you could try, maybe, not thinking so much about this.

Reply 15

I think you've been watching too much Dawson's Creek. Go to the pub - I only wish I could. Also not sure why there were two stars in the middle of the word whore?

Reply 16

As a matter of fact, I'm a person who never had a TV at home...
no I didn't watch those shows.
I know it sounds strange, but that's how I was brought up.

Anyway, with playing and fooling around I wanted to mean not being an idiot in general... simply... being MYSELF. Being free to go and flirt with my teacher if I want to, being free to give a damn about respecting superiors, being publicly moral and following other social norms.

I feel as if I have lost my freedom to a stuck-up-nose adulthood with responsibility.

Reply 17

Sounds like you're thinking a bit too much..... i guess as you grow older you become more experienced but just live and be happy and never ponder over life because it will drive you insssaaaane.

Reply 18

Very Depressing.. Being 20 isnt all doom and gloom, Im still just as immature when I want to be, and have used that classic line 'Those bloody teenagers'. I think the key is that we have to accept that were growing older but dont stop having fun completely because there are plenty of years left for jobs,money earning and setting up home.

Reply 19

You do though. I certainly have.
Up until I guess the last 6 months or so i've always had the mentality of a 6 year old :biggrin:

Im to get married in 6 months and start the whole husband / dad phase of my life. The fiance has, however, allowed me one last little act of madness before I become someones dad.... She's letting me put a 3.5 litre V8 into muh classic sports car. I think the phrase "just get it out of your system before you make me a mommy" was used. lol.

Seriously, there comes a point in life where you just have to suck it up and start being a man instead of a kid.