jealous of bf?

i met my boyfriend at university in October, we're both in our first year. its my first proper relationship, we've both told each other we love each other and that we want this relationship to be serious etc. i'm completely in love with him, its wierd to even imagine life without him now.
but theres one little thing which keeps eating me up inside. and i know its quite stupid and irrational but everytime he hugs a girl/talks to other girls/looks at other girls, it makes me really really jealous. i don't even like it when he goes on nights out, because i have this fear that he'll cheat on me or talk to other girls. i know its silly and shouldn't even be a problem but it makes me quite depressed to the point where i'll end up crying and get really angry because of it. i keep getting mood swings too, some days i'll be really happy and other days i'll feel the worst i've ever felt. and usually the days i am happy are the days when he says stuff to me which makes me feel special. i feel like i'm depending on him way too much, he seems like my main source of happiness and i can't even concentrate on my course anymore because i'm always thinking about what he is doing, no matter how hard i try to occupy myself with other things. even little things like him telling me he's going to some house party sort of makes me upset, it makes me feel as though he's going with the intention of meeting other girls, and i don't like it. :frown:

does anyone else ever feel the same way? and is there anything i could do to control my jealousy and anger?

Reply 1

blissy

15

Jealousy is one of those things that dissipates with time. It's a normal feeling, but can be quite destructive.

Your dependency on your boyfriend seems to be worrying you and I would agree with you in that. You need to grab a hold of yourself! Maybe if you also had some parts of your life that didn't involve your bf you'd be happier about those parts of his that don't involve you?

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

blissy

Jealousy is one of those things that dissipates with time. It's a normal feeling, but can be quite destructive.

Your dependency on your boyfriend seems to be worrying you and I would agree with you in that. You need to grab a hold of yourself! Maybe if you also had some parts of your life that didn't involve your bf you'd be happier about those parts of his that don't involve you?

really? like how much time..?

i also feel like that a lot..but maybe not as extreme because my boyfriend isnt really the clubbing type..but he gets along with girls much more than with guys and it always bothers me to see him talking to other girls..like you, i realise its unreasonable and i trust him so i dont say anything..i just tell myself im being silly and try to focus on other things.

Reply 3

brimstone

7

I've been with my boyfriend for just over four months now, and at first I was jealous like you when he hugged another guy or something. However, after about two months - when I realised it was serious and he wouldn't cheat on me - I stopped worrying.

Just remember, those girls only get a hug, but you get it all :wink:

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

JellyBelly2007

I feel like this with my bf too. In fact, everything the OP has said sounds exactly like me (just that i'm not at university yet). We have been going out 4 months and he generally gets on with girls better then boys. It really irritates me that i'm like this; i wish i wasn't. The jealousy is a bit of a problem in our relationship. If you wnt to PM me OP (or anyone else) then feel free :smile:

im really hoping itll end..or at least decrease massively, at some point..but its going on 9months and i think its just gotten worse..it makes me apprehensive about future boyfriends because if i feel like this with a boyfriend who is friendly with girls but doesnt have any close girl friends what will i be like with a boyfriend who has close girl friends?

Reply 5

Nix!

11

It sounds to me like you have unresolved issues (possibly insecurity) which is causing the jealousy.

You're insecure. This is your first relationship and as such you're worried that it's going to fall apart because he may run off with someone else.

The question is, why are you so insecure? Is this relationship a means of relief from being single? Or is it just part of your personality?

Like someone else has concluded; jealousy is perfectly normal, you just need to learn how to control it. You probably will find that it dies over time.

Reply 6

ravenous_soup_dragon

9

Hmm...I have this problem too, except I've been going out with my boyfriend for over two years. We just had a big fight about this yesterday actually - he's at uni and I'm on a gap year. I don't actually like him talking to any other girls, which I know is ridiciulous and there is no way that I have any right to stop him doing that, and I've tried really really hard not to mind his female friends at uni (even though they've made absolutely no effort to talk to me when I visit, even going so far as to blank me whenever we bump into each other) but yesterday he was in some girl's room 'choosing clothes for a cross dressing bop' and getting changed in front of her! I phoned him up in the middle of it all and he was like desperate to get off the phone, and I could hear her giggling inanely in the background trying to get to me. It really pissed me off, so much so that I threw a massive strop and he spent two hours travelling home to visit me.

I'm trying but it's so hard! Grr. He says it hurts him that I think he would cheat on me, but I don't think that. I think I'm jealous that these people I don't like and think are quite boring get to spend way more time with him than me atm. I sympathise with you OP - do you like your boyfriend's female friends? How is he with your male friends? xx

Reply 7

tetrahydrocannabinol.

10

Anonymous

i met my boyfriend at university in October, we're both in our first year. its my first proper relationship, we've both told each other we love each other and that we want this relationship to be serious etc. i'm completely in love with him, its wierd to even imagine life without him now.
but theres one little thing which keeps eating me up inside. and i know its quite stupid and irrational but everytime he hugs a girl/talks to other girls/looks at other girls, it makes me really really jealous. i don't even like it when he goes on nights out, because i have this fear that he'll cheat on me or talk to other girls. i know its silly and shouldn't even be a problem but it makes me quite depressed to the point where i'll end up crying and get really angry because of it. i keep getting mood swings too, some days i'll be really happy and other days i'll feel the worst i've ever felt. and usually the days i am happy are the days when he says stuff to me which makes me feel special. i feel like i'm depending on him way too much, he seems like my main source of happiness and i can't even concentrate on my course anymore because i'm always thinking about what he is doing, no matter how hard i try to occupy myself with other things. even little things like him telling me he's going to some house party sort of makes me upset, it makes me feel as though he's going with the intention of meeting other girls, and i don't like it. :frown:

does anyone else ever feel the same way? and is there anything i could do to control my jealousy and anger?

First of all, the way you're feeling is perfectly normal, as all human beings with blood flowing through their veins feel at least a tiny bit of jealousy once in a while. Others, like you and some of the loveliest people I know, suffer from feeling really bad jealousy. You are not a bad person, and you mustn't feel like you are one, however you DO need to hide it from your bf as much as possible because guys can get really funny about jealousy. I'd reccommend that you get yourself some boy mates, just to even things up a bit (plus I find boys a lot easier to get on with than a lot of girls - no bitching, competition, back-stabbing etc!) and whenever you feel jealous or insecure, remind yourself of something you love about yourself (hair, eyes, legs, bum boobs, whatever!) and then don't allow yourself time to brood on the feelings of jealousy. I understand how it is, though, and no amount of me telling you your bf is with you because he thinks you're amazing is going to help (but I'm going to say it anyway because it's true - and you must try and remember this when you feel jealous!). It'll ease with time, just keep smiling and remember how special YOU are! xxx

Reply 8

tetrahydrocannabinol.

10

ravenous_soup_dragon

Hmm...I have this problem too, except I've been going out with my boyfriend for over two years. We just had a big fight about this yesterday actually - he's at uni and I'm on a gap year. I don't actually like him talking to any other girls, which I know is ridiciulous and there is no way that I have any right to stop him doing that, and I've tried really really hard not to mind his female friends at uni (even though they've made absolutely no effort to talk to me when I visit, even going so far as to blank me whenever we bump into each other) but yesterday he was in some girl's room 'choosing clothes for a cross dressing bop' and getting changed in front of her! I phoned him up in the middle of it all and he was like desperate to get off the phone, and I could hear her giggling inanely in the background trying to get to me. It really pissed me off, so much so that I threw a massive strop and he spent two hours travelling home to visit me.

I'm trying but it's so hard! Grr. He says it hurts him that I think he would cheat on me, but I don't think that. I think I'm jealous that these people I don't like and think are quite boring get to spend way more time with him than me atm. I sympathise with you OP - do you like your boyfriend's female friends? How is he with your male friends? xx

Those girls sound like b****s! They probably enjoy winding you up. People are so pathetic! I know it's really hard but just try to rise above them. They sound pathetic, and how rude to blank you! They're the losers!

Reply 9

ravenous_soup_dragon

9

chloe-libertine

Those girls sound like b****s! They probably enjoy winding you up. People are so pathetic! I know it's really hard but just try to rise above them. They sound pathetic, and how rude to blank you! They're the losers!

Aww thanks :smile:

I don't really care that they blank me tbh, because they're the type of people I'd never give the time of day to usually - I was just trying to make an effort to make my boyfriend happy. Thankfully because I'm going to a collegiate uni, I won't have to spend much time with them when I end up there in October. It would be easier to keep the jealousy thing a bit more under wraps if I liked them though...

Reply 10

tetrahydrocannabinol.

10

ravenous_soup_dragon

Aww thanks :smile:

I don't really care that they blank me tbh, because they're the type of people I'd never give the time of day to usually - I was just trying to make an effort to make my boyfriend happy. Thankfully because I'm going to a collegiate uni, I won't have to spend much time with them when I end up there in October. It would be easier to keep the jealousy thing a bit more under wraps if I liked them though...

Well, yeah, I can understand that. If you get on with them, then there's an element of trust that they wouldn't try anything on. That's what I find, anyways. That sucks, though, they really do sound pathetic. But your bf can probably see how pathetic they are. Argh I know I'm a girl but I do hate girls sometimes lol, don't you? They can just be so petty, I mean giggling when he's on the phone to you..how immature and low to try and annoy you like that. Just try your best to rise above, cause they're not worth your worry. Your bf obviously thinks the world of you though, cause he travelled to see you. Keep reminding yourself of that, and sit back and wait for the vaccuous bints giving you a hard time to get knocked up/chucked out of uni/die (well, maybe that's a bit too much, but you get the gist lol!) Chin up! xxx

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

oh dear, I think I'm one of those jealous gfs too :frown:

... I know I'm not the most confident-with-myself type of person, so when I see those really pretty blonde and blue eyed girls chatting away with him, I just feel left out, especially as they don't really seem like they want to talk to me anyway. I even feel this way when he chats with the not-so-pretty girl, because they talk really in depth about the same sort of music that they like, and the stuff they study at uni. I feel myself thinking that he wishes he could hold a decent conversation like that with me.

jealous of bf?

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