Bereavement Help and Support
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So, one of my best friends passed away abut 3 months ago. I feel bad because I'm so angry at her for leaving? Like..I'm aware she was ill, but I'm still mad. And upset. She should be here, but she's not. It doesn't make any sense. I still can't quite believe that she's actually dead. I saw her dead body, but it's like my brain refuses to register it. Some days are harder than others. I still feel like this is all a bad dream...I mean I know she's dead, but I don't want it to be true.
I just wish this wasn't happening. She's supposed to be here. I miss her so much.
I just wish this wasn't happening. She's supposed to be here. I miss her so much.
Original post by Pathway
So, one of my best friends passed away abut 3 months ago. I feel bad because I'm so angry at her for leaving? Like..I'm aware she was ill, but I'm still mad. And upset. She should be here, but she's not. It doesn't make any sense. I still can't quite believe that she's actually dead. I saw her dead body, but it's like my brain refuses to register it. Some days are harder than others. I still feel like this is all a bad dream...I mean I know she's dead, but I don't want it to be true.
I just wish this wasn't happening. She's supposed to be here. I miss her so much.
I just wish this wasn't happening. She's supposed to be here. I miss her so much.
That's so sad, I'm sorry to hear your best friend passed away. It's a common feeling to be angry. Are you angry at anything specifically? It's only been 3 months, so it may take longer for the initial shock and acceptance to get easier. Have you tried any of the strategies mentioned in the thread? For example if you are angry and miss her, write her a letter to explain - it can help to organise your thoughts and help you understand them
Had quite a disturbing dream about someone I have lost last night. Does anyone else dream about lost loved ones? What do you dream about?
Original post by Anonymous
Had quite a disturbing dream about someone I have lost last night. Does anyone else dream about lost loved ones? What do you dream about?
I dreamt about my little brother every day after I lost him. I dreamt that he apologised to me and was really upset and gave me a huge hug, I dreamt he was actually on a holiday and just didn't tell any of us but having a great time and we all got through to him on the phone and I was sobbing with relief because we'd finally found him, I dreamt he was helping me to find my grandad and then at the end of the dream I realised he was dead and I collapsed and he hugged me, I dreamt that he was really young and getting younger and younger and I was so so happy to find him and then it became clear something was wrong and then he died, I dreamt he had a cancer and I had to find him and tell him and I was so worried, and then he died. I have dreamt all sorts of crap about him. I dream that I'm trying to find him and he's not there.
I hate dreaming about him because in my dreams he is alive and I'm so happy, it's like my mind is fooled into thinking I've found him, and then I lose him again every time and I wake up and he is gone. I think it's best to try and ignore dreams. They don't bring people back, it's just your mind playing random crap to you, and personally I find them very raw.
Ever since my father died i have been going through some problems . I really feel confused and hollow. There isnt much support from friends and other family members and so I was wondering what to do to heal this pain so i can move on with life. i am in my a levels and i really want to go to a got uni to fulfill my parents wishes and mine as well . thankyou for this post
Original post by Anonymous
Ever since my father died i have been going through some problems . I really feel confused and hollow. There isnt much support from friends and other family members and so I was wondering what to do to heal this pain so i can move on with life. i am in my a levels and i really want to go to a got uni to fulfill my parents wishes and mine as well . thankyou for this post
How long ago was this, if you don't mind me asking? I know how hard it is during A levels to have to deal with this. But the thing I did was pretend he was with me still and could see what I was doing and try and make him proud. I got through A levels and got into Uni, so it is possible
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My great-gran died a few years ago now, and I still really miss her. But I feel like I've never grieved properly, like I've been bottling it all up all these years. Is there any way to... 'unbottle it'? I'm really struggling.
I feel like I should have been devastated but I never once cried until my 18th birthday this year because my mum wrote a card from her saying that she would have been proud of the person I've become. I don't think she would be.
I feel like I should have been devastated but I never once cried until my 18th birthday this year because my mum wrote a card from her saying that she would have been proud of the person I've become. I don't think she would be.
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by emiloujess
My great-gran died a few years ago now, and I still really miss her. But I feel like I've never grieved properly, like I've been bottling it all up all these years. Is there any way to... 'unbottle it'? I'm really struggling.
Sorry to hear that
Do you talk to any friends or family about it? If you don't feel comfortable talking to those close to you, bereavement counselling could be an option as you know the person is there specifically to listen to you and offer support. If you don't want to talk at all, writing your thoughts and feelings down could help, talking about it here, and maybe even like writing a letter to your great-gran to tell her how much you miss her. It really does depend what works for you, but don't be afraid to try a few different things if it can help Original post by BurstingBubbles
Sorry to hear that Do you talk to any friends or family about it? If you don't feel comfortable talking to those close to you, bereavement counselling could be an option as you know the person is there specifically to listen to you and offer support. If you don't want to talk at all, writing your thoughts and feelings down could help, talking about it here, and maybe even like writing a letter to your great-gran to tell her how much you miss her. It really does depend what works for you, but don't be afraid to try a few different things if it can help
Do you talk to any friends or family about it? If you don't feel comfortable talking to those close to you, bereavement counselling could be an option as you know the person is there specifically to listen to you and offer support. If you don't want to talk at all, writing your thoughts and feelings down could help, talking about it here, and maybe even like writing a letter to your great-gran to tell her how much you miss her. It really does depend what works for you, but don't be afraid to try a few different things if it can help We never talk about her. It feels like my family has fallen apart since she passed. My mum doesn't talk to her sisters or brother anymore and I don't see my grandparents as much.
I feel like I should have been devastated but I never once cried until my 18th birthday this year because my mum wrote a card from her saying that she would have been proud of the person I've become. I don't think she would be.
I do want to talk about it but I'm terrified that I'll break down in front of someone which, having Aspergers, I really don't want to end up doing.
Original post by emiloujess
We never talk about her. It feels like my family has fallen apart since she passed. My mum doesn't talk to her sisters or brother anymore and I don't see my grandparents as much.
I feel like I should have been devastated but I never once cried until my 18th birthday this year because my mum wrote a card from her saying that she would have been proud of the person I've become. I don't think she would be.
I do want to talk about it but I'm terrified that I'll break down in front of someone which, having Aspergers, I really don't want to end up doing.
I feel like I should have been devastated but I never once cried until my 18th birthday this year because my mum wrote a card from her saying that she would have been proud of the person I've become. I don't think she would be.
I do want to talk about it but I'm terrified that I'll break down in front of someone which, having Aspergers, I really don't want to end up doing.
This could be a factor of why you don't feel like you've grieved properly then. Talking about it can be so difficult, trust me I know, but talking to other people helps you know what you're feeling isn't abnormal and helps you to get perspective and process things. Running things over and over in your head can make things much worse, and you might need an outlet for your feelings. Why having Aspergers don't you want to? Is it that you find it difficult to explain things, or something else? Maybe your family want to talk about things too, but feel the same as you - someone has to make the first move
Original post by BurstingBubbles
This could be a factor of why you don't feel like you've grieved properly then. Talking about it can be so difficult, trust me I know, but talking to other people helps you know what you're feeling isn't abnormal and helps you to get perspective and process things. Running things over and over in your head can make things much worse, and you might need an outlet for your feelings. Why having Aspergers don't you want to? Is it that you find it difficult to explain things, or something else? Maybe your family want to talk about things too, but feel the same as you - someone has to make the first move
Because it means I struggle with emotions more and am terrified of losing control
I don't think they do - Mum and I aren't close anymore. I get the occasional comment from my grandparents (when I see them) about how like her I am.Original post by emiloujess
Because it means I struggle with emotions more and am terrified of losing control I don't think they do - Mum and I aren't close anymore. I get the occasional comment from my grandparents (when I see them) about how like her I am.
I don't think they do - Mum and I aren't close anymore. I get the occasional comment from my grandparents (when I see them) about how like her I am.Could you write it down or message her maybe, meaning you have the control to step back if you do get really emotional and aren't in front her of? That's sad that you're not as close to her, is this since your great gran passed away?
Original post by BurstingBubbles
Could you write it down or message her maybe, meaning you have the control to step back if you do get really emotional and aren't in front her of? That's sad that you're not as close to her, is this since your great gran passed away?
I guess... I don't think she'd want me to bring it up though. Yes it is, same with the rest of the family I mentioned earlier
Original post by emiloujess
I guess... I don't think she'd want me to bring it up though. Yes it is, same with the rest of the family I mentioned earlier
How are things?
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Original post by BurstingBubbles
Today's a good day, thank you for asking
I'm sorry about my little self-pity session the other day... my Grandad was diagnosed with a brain tumour a month back and it's just brought it all back I guess.(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by emiloujess
Today's a good day, thank you for asking I'm sorry about my little self-pity session the other day... my Grandad was diagnosed with a brain tumour a month back and it's just brought it all back I guess.
I'm sorry about my little self-pity session the other day... my Grandad was diagnosed with a brain tumour a month back and it's just brought it all back I guess.Hey, don't worry at all, I'm always here to talk to
Trust me, I have bad days, and sometimes bad weeks still! Aw that must be so difficult, is it a bad one? How is the family doing?Original post by BurstingBubbles
Hey, don't worry at all, I'm always here to talk to Trust me, I have bad days, and sometimes bad weeks still! Aw that must be so difficult, is it a bad one? How is the family doing?
Trust me, I have bad days, and sometimes bad weeks still! Aw that must be so difficult, is it a bad one? How is the family doing?Thank you
It's cancer, I think Mum got told he had 18 months I've never really been close to him but it's bringing back memories of Gran (she had septicemia though). My family appears to be coping if a little stressed but they don't talk to me much so IDK.Hello
(Anon as id like this conversations to be kept private from anyone I may know IRL who too uses this forum)
I lost my dad two weeks ago unexpectedly. We thought he had a cold that was going round the family, until mum woke me up to say 111 are sending an ambulance. Long story short, (and also two weeks later) we've found out it was a form of meningitis which led to septicaemia.
Most of my other family (all grandparents, aunts ect) died when I was a baby/too young to remember, so this is my first experience of a 'close death'.
I think it's only really hit me now that I'll never see him again since I've been running around sorting things for mum, trying to carry on with uni amongst runs for ready meals and the like.
Well, that's about it.
x
(Anon as id like this conversations to be kept private from anyone I may know IRL who too uses this forum)
I lost my dad two weeks ago unexpectedly. We thought he had a cold that was going round the family, until mum woke me up to say 111 are sending an ambulance. Long story short, (and also two weeks later) we've found out it was a form of meningitis which led to septicaemia.
Most of my other family (all grandparents, aunts ect) died when I was a baby/too young to remember, so this is my first experience of a 'close death'.
I think it's only really hit me now that I'll never see him again since I've been running around sorting things for mum, trying to carry on with uni amongst runs for ready meals and the like.
Well, that's about it.
x
Original post by emiloujess
Thank you It's cancer, I think Mum got told he had 18 months I've never really been close to him but it's bringing back memories of Gran (she had septicemia though). My family appears to be coping if a little stressed but they don't talk to me much so IDK.
It's cancer, I think Mum got told he had 18 months I've never really been close to him but it's bringing back memories of Gran (she had septicemia though). My family appears to be coping if a little stressed but they don't talk to me much so IDK.That's so tough
We're all here for you!Original post by Anonymous
Hello
(Anon as id like this conversations to be kept private from anyone I may know IRL who too uses this forum)
I lost my dad two weeks ago unexpectedly. We thought he had a cold that was going round the family, until mum woke me up to say 111 are sending an ambulance. Long story short, (and also two weeks later) we've found out it was a form of meningitis which led to septicaemia.
Most of my other family (all grandparents, aunts ect) died when I was a baby/too young to remember, so this is my first experience of a 'close death'.
I think it's only really hit me now that I'll never see him again since I've been running around sorting things for mum, trying to carry on with uni amongst runs for ready meals and the like.
Well, that's about it.
x
(Anon as id like this conversations to be kept private from anyone I may know IRL who too uses this forum)
I lost my dad two weeks ago unexpectedly. We thought he had a cold that was going round the family, until mum woke me up to say 111 are sending an ambulance. Long story short, (and also two weeks later) we've found out it was a form of meningitis which led to septicaemia.
Most of my other family (all grandparents, aunts ect) died when I was a baby/too young to remember, so this is my first experience of a 'close death'.
I think it's only really hit me now that I'll never see him again since I've been running around sorting things for mum, trying to carry on with uni amongst runs for ready meals and the like.
Well, that's about it.
x
That's so sad, it must have been a real shock. It was only 2 weeks ago, so you are bound to feel so many things right now, and you may even feel a bit numb/in shock. How are you doing with things like uni? How are the family doing?
xOriginal post by BurstingBubbles
That's so sad, it must have been a real shock. It was only 2 weeks ago, so you are bound to feel so many things right now, and you may even feel a bit numb/in shock. How are you doing with things like uni? How are the family doing? x
xI think so. The only real time I have to think about things is at night, hence that first post being at stupid o'clock
I love my course and it's totally practical based (no exams). I'm set for 'Firsts' in my current modules (i'm in second year) but worried I might mess things up with the next lot. I've applied for mitigation based on my tutors advice but feel thats a bad idea since it may mean i'll be working on these current modules at the same time as the next load starting! Not only putting me behind but making things difficult in terms of talking to uni mates and such. I commute from home too which has been both help and hinderance.
Theres a lot of family politics so organising the funeral is quite a nightmare. Apart from the fact we've had to wait two, going on three weeks to get things moving (consultant only worked nights, coroner only worked days so things have taken a while). Brother is recently married and lives down South, leaving just me and mum. Mum has ups and downs, but I worry when she is on a big down and says things like "I've dealt with a lot of s*** in my life but don't think i'll get through this. I just want to pack up, grab dad and
Spoiler
Other than that, going to uni and leaving mum for a few hours is difficult since I feel guilty for having the break and enjoying my work, and worry leaving mum on her own (not because of the above, but more to be there as a shoulder to cry on). Finally my best friend is in her third year at a uni quite a distance away, and has already made a trip to see me. She's coming back this week and staying for the funeral, which i'm hugely grateful for and feel like i'd love to see her every day (again, can't leave mum!) but then I know the third year is the most important and feel like i'm getting in the way of her studies and her own social life (enjoying uni with her mates ect).
Thats about it for now! Thanks for replying, I hope all this isn't too morbid even for a bereavement thread.
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