Bereavement Help and Support
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Original post by Anonymous
I think so. The only real time I have to think about things is at night, hence that first post being at stupid o'clock 
I love my course and it's totally practical based (no exams). I'm set for 'Firsts' in my current modules (i'm in second year) but worried I might mess things up with the next lot. I've applied for mitigation based on my tutors advice but feel thats a bad idea since it may mean i'll be working on these current modules at the same time as the next load starting! Not only putting me behind but making things difficult in terms of talking to uni mates and such. I commute from home too which has been both help and hinderance.
Theres a lot of family politics so organising the funeral is quite a nightmare. Apart from the fact we've had to wait two, going on three weeks to get things moving (consultant only worked nights, coroner only worked days so things have taken a while). Brother is recently married and lives down South, leaving just me and mum. Mum has ups and downs, but I worry when she is on a big down and says things like "I've dealt with a lot of **** in my life but don't think i'll get through this. I just want to pack up, grab dad and
. I know she wouldn't do anything like that, it's just difficult to hear when I know theres nothing I can say that will put it right.
Other than that, going to uni and leaving mum for a few hours is difficult since I feel guilty for having the break and enjoying my work, and worry leaving mum on her own (not because of the above, but more to be there as a shoulder to cry on). Finally my best friend is in her third year at a uni quite a distance away, and has already made a trip to see me. She's coming back this week and staying for the funeral, which i'm hugely grateful for and feel like i'd love to see her every day (again, can't leave mum!) but then I know the third year is the most important and feel like i'm getting in the way of her studies and her own social life (enjoying uni with her mates ect).
Thats about it for now! Thanks for replying, I hope all this isn't too morbid even for a bereavement thread.
I love my course and it's totally practical based (no exams). I'm set for 'Firsts' in my current modules (i'm in second year) but worried I might mess things up with the next lot. I've applied for mitigation based on my tutors advice but feel thats a bad idea since it may mean i'll be working on these current modules at the same time as the next load starting! Not only putting me behind but making things difficult in terms of talking to uni mates and such. I commute from home too which has been both help and hinderance.
Theres a lot of family politics so organising the funeral is quite a nightmare. Apart from the fact we've had to wait two, going on three weeks to get things moving (consultant only worked nights, coroner only worked days so things have taken a while). Brother is recently married and lives down South, leaving just me and mum. Mum has ups and downs, but I worry when she is on a big down and says things like "I've dealt with a lot of **** in my life but don't think i'll get through this. I just want to pack up, grab dad and
Spoiler
Other than that, going to uni and leaving mum for a few hours is difficult since I feel guilty for having the break and enjoying my work, and worry leaving mum on her own (not because of the above, but more to be there as a shoulder to cry on). Finally my best friend is in her third year at a uni quite a distance away, and has already made a trip to see me. She's coming back this week and staying for the funeral, which i'm hugely grateful for and feel like i'd love to see her every day (again, can't leave mum!) but then I know the third year is the most important and feel like i'm getting in the way of her studies and her own social life (enjoying uni with her mates ect).
Thats about it for now! Thanks for replying, I hope all this isn't too morbid even for a bereavement thread.
It sounds like you're doing pretty well given the circumstances
you should never feel guilty for having a break and enjoying work! Slowly there will become more good than bad days and you'll hopefully feel less guilty about continuing living your life and your mum will start to learn how to cope more with it. I hope the funeral gets sorted soon - do you have any ideas in mind for that? I'm sure you wouldn't mind doing the same for your friend is the situation was in reverse, so try not to feel bad
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Update on my Grandad:
I spoke to my Mum on the phone this morning. She said that Grandad can't have Chemotherapy and he's got 6 sessions of Radiotherapy ahead of him. This means that he won't live the 18 months he was expected to previously, but less. She said that it is now about quality of life, not quantity.
This is very likely going to be his last Christmas...
I spoke to my Mum on the phone this morning. She said that Grandad can't have Chemotherapy and he's got 6 sessions of Radiotherapy ahead of him. This means that he won't live the 18 months he was expected to previously, but less. She said that it is now about quality of life, not quantity.
This is very likely going to be his last Christmas...
Original post by emiloujess
Update on my Grandad:
I spoke to my Mum on the phone this morning. She said that Grandad can't have Chemotherapy and he's got 6 sessions of Radiotherapy ahead of him. This means that he won't live the 18 months he was expected to previously, but less. She said that it is now about quality of life, not quantity.
This is very likely going to be his last Christmas...
I spoke to my Mum on the phone this morning. She said that Grandad can't have Chemotherapy and he's got 6 sessions of Radiotherapy ahead of him. This means that he won't live the 18 months he was expected to previously, but less. She said that it is now about quality of life, not quantity.
This is very likely going to be his last Christmas...
Oh no
I'm so sorry to hear about that! Try and make the most of the time 
Original post by Anonymous
x
Original post by emiloujess
x
How are things going?
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Original post by BurstingBubbles
Grandad's gone into a nursing home now - he needs 24hr care. He's also had a fall and an infection... I don't know much else
but thanks for asking... I'm okay I guess...Original post by emiloujess
Grandad's gone into a nursing home now - he needs 24hr care. He's also had a fall and an infection... I don't know much else but thanks for asking... I'm okay I guess...
but thanks for asking... I'm okay I guess...Aww
I'm in a similar position, grandad's in hospital after lots of falls and they feared the worst the other night but he's stable at the moment. Meant to be going to see him after Christmas (he lives quite a few hours away) I'm hoping he'll be with us til then at least 
I might be needing advice from my own thread soon 
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Original post by BurstingBubbles
Aww I'm in a similar position, grandad's in hospital after lots of falls and they feared the worst the other night but he's stable at the moment. Meant to be going to see him after Christmas (he lives quite a few hours away) I'm hoping he'll be with us til then at least I might be needing advice from my own thread soon
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I'm in a similar position, grandad's in hospital after lots of falls and they feared the worst the other night but he's stable at the moment. Meant to be going to see him after Christmas (he lives quite a few hours away) I'm hoping he'll be with us til then at least I might be needing advice from my own thread soon Posted from TSR Mobile
That must be terrible to hear so close to Christmas, I'm so sorry! We're here for you.
Original post by emiloujess
That must be terrible to hear so close to Christmas, I'm so sorry! We're here for you.Thank you
but hopefully we'll get to see him even if it is in hospital Original post by Sockhead
Hey, I've been opening this thread so many times and forgetting to reply
There's so much going on there's no logical place to start, so I end up closing it all and headed to bed!
Hope everyone is ok
There's so much going on there's no logical place to start, so I end up closing it all and headed to bed!
Hope everyone is ok
Hey, welcome! What's going on? If there's a lot going on maybe bullet point the factors/events as it may help to summarise and organise your thoughts. We're here for you
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Hey, only just found this thread. How is everyone?
My grandmother died back in April and it still hurts when I think about her
Posted from TSR Mobile
My grandmother died back in April and it still hurts when I think about her
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Original post by BurstingBubbles
Losing someone close to you at any age is difficult and can be life changing, but if you're still young and going through GCSEs, A Levels, or University, this may impact your life further. It's not a nice subject to talk or even think about, but facing up to it and finding support could be crucial. Whether you've lost someone close to you personally, or are friends with someone who has, being able to find the right help and support can make things that bit easier. If you need urgent help, you may want to contact the Samaritans on: 0845 790 9090.
There are so many emotions which can follow bereavement, and each person is different in how they feel and cope. Some of the emotions are likely to be:
Shock - such a significant event can be difficult to process.
Denial - not accepting it's happened.
Sadness - missing the person special to them.
Anger - wondering why me/them.
Relief - if the loved one had been very ill.
Exhaustion - emotionally and physically, which can lead to a reduced immune system.
Numbness - often the body's coping mechanism.
Guilt - if they hadn't said goodbye or had arguments prior to the death.
Anxiety - worrying another loved one or themselves will be ill or pass away.
All of these emotions are normal and common to a certain extent.
The 5 Stages of Grief:
What to do if you lose someone close to you?
What if I don't get over it?
Strategies that can help you grieve:
What do I do if this happens at an important time? e.g exams
What about Counselling?
What do I say to someone who has lost a loved one?
Need more information?
Do you have any other points or ideas to add? If so, post below
If anyone has been affected by this and wishes to talk more on a one-to-one basis, I'll happily chat via PM
There are so many emotions which can follow bereavement, and each person is different in how they feel and cope. Some of the emotions are likely to be:
Shock - such a significant event can be difficult to process.
Denial - not accepting it's happened.
Sadness - missing the person special to them.
Anger - wondering why me/them.
Relief - if the loved one had been very ill.
Exhaustion - emotionally and physically, which can lead to a reduced immune system.
Numbness - often the body's coping mechanism.
Guilt - if they hadn't said goodbye or had arguments prior to the death.
Anxiety - worrying another loved one or themselves will be ill or pass away.
All of these emotions are normal and common to a certain extent.
The 5 Stages of Grief:
Spoiler
What to do if you lose someone close to you?
Spoiler
What if I don't get over it?
Spoiler
Strategies that can help you grieve:
Spoiler
What do I do if this happens at an important time? e.g exams
Spoiler
What about Counselling?
Spoiler
What do I say to someone who has lost a loved one?
Spoiler
Need more information?
Spoiler
Do you have any other points or ideas to add? If so, post below
If anyone has been affected by this and wishes to talk more on a one-to-one basis, I'll happily chat via PM
My grief seems to be quite different from everyone else's in a variety of different ways. My mum died last December when I was 13 (she was only in her middle thirties), it was very unexpected and sudden. The day before her death she was asked to go into work early because they had a delivery, so she had to wake up extra early that day. She was dressed and ready for work, she had her socks on and everything - we expect that she had felt sick or something because she had a towel in her hand and was heading towards the bathroom, but then she must have collapsed suddenly and landed face first on the floor. They said she wouldn't have known or felt anything because you could see she didn't try to help herself.
Sorry if that was too much detail... Anyway, her postmortem results came back inconclusive, they said all her organs were perfectly healthy and they could not find a cause of death. They said it's something they call Sudden Arrhythmic Death Syndrome, which could possibly be caused by an underlying heart problem. Now just over a year since her death, I still have no reason to why I can't see my mum anymore. None of my friends seem to understand that.
Everyone keeps telling me how 'brave' I am and an 'inspiration' and how hard my life must be, but they don't even know the half of it. Sometimes I think of what my life would be like if my mum was still here and look at it now. Of course I would do absolutely anything to have my mum back here with me, but the truth is my mum had Bipolar and depression and wasn't always really a very nice person. I know it wasn't her fault or anything, but it was scary sometimes and yes she did hurt me. Some people who knew said I should tell someone or go to the police because things were so bad, but I couldn't leave my mum, she needed help so I arranged a doctors appointment for her and then she was formally diagnosed.
On top of this I don't know my father, he didn't want to know me and things have always been messy. Although I don't let him affect my life and have no time for him.
So for me, when people say 'You must miss your mother so much' I don't really know what to say, I do miss her dearly, we had so many great memories together and I loved her to the bottom of my heart, but how can I miss her erratic mood swings and what she may do to me? It's a really tricky situation which none of my family seem to talk about anymore.
It annoys me when my gran starts crying because of my mothers death. When my mum was here she wouldn't help her out, when me and my mum argued she'd always take sides with my mother, knowing about what she could be like. She'd never believe me and wouldn't even help me get her to the doctors or anything!! And then other people tell her 'You can't keep it to yourself, you've got to talk about it.' But they've been telling me the exact opposite for over the past year...
Original post by Andy98
Hey, only just found this thread. How is everyone?
My grandmother died back in April and it still hurts when I think about her
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My grandmother died back in April and it still hurts when I think about her
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I'm really sorry to hear that
do you have any strategies to help you? How are your family doing?Original post by Anonymous
x
This must be so difficult, especially when you say you don't feel like other people do when they grieve - but honestly, everyone is different
a lot of people feel very relieved in situations like this, if they had felt trapped and really not got on/were unhappy. How old are you now, if you don't mind me asking, 14/15? Is your gran looking after you now? How are you finding things like school?Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by BurstingBubbles
I'm really sorry to hear that do you have any strategies to help you? How are your family doing?
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do you have any strategies to help you? How are your family doing?Posted from TSR Mobile
Family are fine, it's just cause she was the only one in the family that was really on my side that I'm taking it hard. I often just take myself away somewhere and spend some time freestyling (rap) when everything's too much.
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Original post by Andy98
Family are fine, it's just cause she was the only one in the family that was really on my side that I'm taking it hard. I often just take myself away somewhere and spend some time freestyling (rap) when everything's too much.
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Aww, it sounds like you got on well with her then? What was she like?
does freestying help to express emotions about her or do you freestyle about other things as a diffraction?Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by BurstingBubbles
Aww, it sounds like you got on well with her then? What was she like? does freestying help to express emotions about her or do you freestyle about other things as a diffraction?
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does freestying help to express emotions about her or do you freestyle about other things as a diffraction?Posted from TSR Mobile
Yeah, she was like a grandmother to the whole neighbourhood, She'd take anybody in and never hold a grudge. Usually the freestyling is a distraction, but I just rap about the first thing in my mind so sometimes it flows better to go into those emotions.
How's everyone doing?
I have had better news about grandad, so that's a plus for now
I have had better news about grandad, so that's a plus for now
Original post by BurstingBubbles
How's everyone doing?
I have had better news about grandad, so that's a plus for now
I have had better news about grandad, so that's a plus for now
I'm not too bad
Good to hear
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Original post by Andy98
How's the freestyling going? Anything else that helps?
Hi
Thought I'd better give news on my Grandad... if anyone's interested...
Mum came around yesterday, and gave me an update. He's being moved out of the hospital and into a care home. Things have accelerated more than we previously thought, hence the move. He's got weeks now, a few months at the most....
I think it's starting to affect my college work, even if I'm not aware of it. My Film and Psychology grades have gone down quite a bit - for some reason I've managed to stay afloat in Sociology. My college don't know what's happening though.
Don't quite know what to do or think...
Thought I'd better give news on my Grandad... if anyone's interested...
Mum came around yesterday, and gave me an update. He's being moved out of the hospital and into a care home. Things have accelerated more than we previously thought, hence the move. He's got weeks now, a few months at the most....
I think it's starting to affect my college work, even if I'm not aware of it. My Film and Psychology grades have gone down quite a bit - for some reason I've managed to stay afloat in Sociology. My college don't know what's happening though.
Don't quite know what to do or think...
Original post by BurstingBubbles
How's the freestyling going? Anything else that helps?
They're getting more aggressive so I must be bottling more up
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