Bereavement Help and Support
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Original post by BurstingBubbles
Sorry, I thought I had replied, but time is getting away from me 
It's so difficult when it's this stage - everything is still so raw but people think you are moving on, which is simply not the case. It's only been 4 months, it's no time at all! Over 4 years on and I still have my bad days, and that's completely fine. Do you not have anyone who understands? I find there are normally at least one of two people who are more understanding. You'll find people are more there for you than it seems, they probably don't want to say the wrong thing! If it was in the reverse situation I'm sure you wouldn't mind but would be cautious about what you said - people are generally a lot more understanding than we think 
Try writing things down or even creating a blog if you need to let stuff out without feeling like a burden
It's so difficult when it's this stage - everything is still so raw but people think you are moving on, which is simply not the case. It's only been 4 months, it's no time at all! Over 4 years on and I still have my bad days, and that's completely fine. Do you not have anyone who understands? I find there are normally at least one of two people who are more understanding. You'll find people are more there for you than it seems, they probably don't want to say the wrong thing! If it was in the reverse situation I'm sure you wouldn't mind but would be cautious about what you said - people are generally a lot more understanding than we think Try writing things down or even creating a blog if you need to let stuff out without feeling like a burden
Don't worry, there's no need to anyway :-)
My two best friends who took time away from uni and work to come back for the funeral have been great, but only as far as I let them - like I said in the previous message, I can quite easily just answer with 'OK thanks' or 'alright' - in some ways it's concerning me how easily in lying to my best friends, even to their faces this last weekend.
Saturday night was fun - a night out with the girls. Felt a huge sense of dread come over me when I finally realised the night had finished as we stepped into the taxi though (I say night, I should say morning.. 6:30😬)
I still don't know where to start with mum. Cause of the most recent cry was when she described how she was feeling in relation to a really bad cold that's going round (be warned if it gets to your area!). I just couldn't feel any sympathy towards her, or even go 'aww'. What kind of daughter does that make me?
Started to get grades back from my most recent assignments today - seems I've dropped from straight firsts to mid-2:1. Sure it's still a good grade but given that I've had absolutely no motivation over Easter anyway, this hasn't helped at all. Only 4 weeks left too.
Sorry for the major whine! Hope your doing ok with whatever you have going on? :-)
(edited 8 years ago)
So sorry to hear this.
Sounds like I had a similar experience to you though. Crying for five straight min when the doctor came in (I knew it was bad news since he was clearly the consultant). After that, nothing. Just as well since my next phone calls were to inform my brother and sister..
Did you go to college?
I returned to uni two days after - the lectures provided some relief even if it was just for those two hours.
PM if you'd like to talk x
Sounds like I had a similar experience to you though. Crying for five straight min when the doctor came in (I knew it was bad news since he was clearly the consultant). After that, nothing. Just as well since my next phone calls were to inform my brother and sister..
Did you go to college?
I returned to uni two days after - the lectures provided some relief even if it was just for those two hours.
PM if you'd like to talk x
Original post by emiloujess
Grandad passed away at 6:05pm tonight...
I cried for a solid 5 minutes and now I just feel numb. Mum phoned to tell me (I don't live with my parents) and apparently he passed away when he was 'sleeping' (he's been in a coma-like state). She still has to tell my brother and sister.
I have college tomorrow...
I cried for a solid 5 minutes and now I just feel numb. Mum phoned to tell me (I don't live with my parents) and apparently he passed away when he was 'sleeping' (he's been in a coma-like state). She still has to tell my brother and sister.
I have college tomorrow...
Original post by Sockhead
So sorry to hear this.
Sounds like I had a similar experience to you though. Crying for five straight min when the doctor came in (I knew it was bad news since he was clearly the consultant). After that, nothing. Just as well since my next phone calls were to inform my brother and sister..
Did you go to college?
I returned to uni two days after - the lectures provided some relief even if it was just for those two hours.
PM if you'd like to talk x
Sounds like I had a similar experience to you though. Crying for five straight min when the doctor came in (I knew it was bad news since he was clearly the consultant). After that, nothing. Just as well since my next phone calls were to inform my brother and sister..
Did you go to college?
I returned to uni two days after - the lectures provided some relief even if it was just for those two hours.
PM if you'd like to talk x
I didn't go to college on Monday but I did yesterday... So glad I did! I was literally going crazy at home
Original post by emiloujess
I didn't go to college on Monday but I did yesterday... So glad I did! I was literally going crazy at home
There's only so much time you can have off before needing distraction (one day felt like ages and made me go crazy too). Just don't feel like you can't have another day off if you need, I got into that trap of thinking 'oh well I've had a day off and time to get my head around it I can't have another one' - really wasn't the case at all, I should have had more time. How are you feeling? How's college?
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Fairly sure I'm going doo-lally
It's probably all to do with what I'm now calling "the plague" which seems to be sweeping through my area and has bed ridden me for the last couple of days. I'm fine during the day on tablets but nights are pretty bad, as if they couldn't be made much worse with everything going on anyway.
Last night was the worst though. Woke up incredibly confused and must of had some weird dream involving dad - my first thought was "that's a point, it feels like I've not seen him in ages". Then I had to work out what I've been doing to have not seen him... Uni, Easter break.. What else? Dads been at work I suppose...
And then it dawns on me...
It's probably all to do with what I'm now calling "the plague" which seems to be sweeping through my area and has bed ridden me for the last couple of days. I'm fine during the day on tablets but nights are pretty bad, as if they couldn't be made much worse with everything going on anyway.
Last night was the worst though. Woke up incredibly confused and must of had some weird dream involving dad - my first thought was "that's a point, it feels like I've not seen him in ages". Then I had to work out what I've been doing to have not seen him... Uni, Easter break.. What else? Dads been at work I suppose...
And then it dawns on me...
Original post by BurstingBubbles
There's only so much time you can have off before needing distraction (one day felt like ages and made me go crazy too). Just don't feel like you can't have another day off if you need, I got into that trap of thinking 'oh well I've had a day off and time to get my head around it I can't have another one' - really wasn't the case at all, I should have had more time. How are you feeling? How's college?
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I can't concentrate any more... We were completing a booklet in Sociology and I kept writing the wrong thing in the boxes. But otherwise college is going surprisingly okay.
Outside of college... I honesty don't know. Just trying not to think about it and distracting myself which probably isn't the best thing to do but idk. My teachers have been wonderful though.
How are you doing? x
This year is my 12th Father's Day since his passing and I guess I d hoped it would stop being a painful time by now, but even just seeing the onslaught of TVs adverts is making me feel quite upset this year
I was going to post in here, but couldn't bring myself to and then forgot. My grandad passed away a few weeks ago. I'm not sure I've really come to terms with it yet, I've been keeping so busy. We were really close and I miss him every day. The funeral hasn't been yet because of dates, so that's next week. Hopefully it will help me get some closure because it all feels like a bad dream at the moment.
Do you find anything that helps?
I'm only in my 4th year since my dad passed away and it still hurts too. I just pretend he's still here and it helps a bit, but not enough.
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Original post by claireestelle
This year is my 12th Father's Day since his passing and I guess I d hoped it would stop being a painful time by now, but even just seeing the onslaught of TVs adverts is making me feel quite upset this year
Do you find anything that helps?
I'm only in my 4th year since my dad passed away and it still hurts too. I just pretend he's still here and it helps a bit, but not enough.
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Original post by BurstingBubbles
I was going to post in here, but couldn't bring myself to and then forgot. My grandad passed away a few weeks ago. I'm not sure I've really come to terms with it yet, I've been keeping so busy. We were really close and I miss him every day. The funeral hasn't been yet because of dates, so that's next week. Hopefully it will help me get some closure because it all feels like a bad dream at the moment.
Do you find anything that helps?
I'm only in my 4th year since my dad passed away and it still hurts too. I just pretend he's still here and it helps a bit, but not enough.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Do you find anything that helps?
I'm only in my 4th year since my dad passed away and it still hurts too. I just pretend he's still here and it helps a bit, but not enough.
Posted from TSR Mobile
I m sorry to hear about your grandad (mine passed 3.5 years ago and as he was ill over a long time, I felt I got closure as I said goodbye) but it takes time to feel better and it's not something you should rush.
The first few years I spent Father's Day alone looking at photos really and just crying a lot of the day if I felt like it ( I think as I was 9 I didn't truly properly grieve for a few years really) .
As I ve gotten older and since moving from home it's slightly easier as I can avoid the painful memories not living there, so I do like to listen to his favourite songs to try and remember the good times we had and try to make plans for the day to bring my spirts up a bit as I find being near people is much better for me now.
I guess my only tip is to tell people how you re feeling and bottling it up is the worst thing to do and it's okay to cry.
(edited 8 years ago)
It's hard losing a loved one, I lost my father christmas 2014, so christmas is awful and father's day. It was during my AS year and now i'm doing a2s there's been so much pressure trying to get the grades which I haven't got (ABB) for uni.. All my love to everyone here who's lost someone! x
Original post by K3001N
It's hard losing a loved one, I lost my father christmas 2014, so christmas is awful and father's day. It was during my AS year and now i'm doing a2s there's been so much pressure trying to get the grades which I haven't got (ABB) for uni.. All my love to everyone here who's lost someone! x
losing someone you love around christmas is absolutely awful, i don't know if it's any comfort but time is a good healer, for me i think fathers day and other special occasions where people have their dads normally and i can't will always be painful but it does get easier.Original post by claireestelle
losing someone you love around christmas is absolutely awful, i don't know if it's any comfort but time is a good healer, for me i think fathers day and other special occasions where people have their dads normally and i can't will always be painful but it does get easier.It is awful, christmas is sad now. Worst time of the year! Thats true, it does, but its crazy how one person going can make a difference in the family, so much has changed
Original post by K3001N
It is awful, christmas is sad now. Worst time of the year! Thats true, it does, but its crazy how one person going can make a difference in the family, so much has changed
As an atheist I don't do Christmas but any family event reminds me he's not there, it does change everything really.
My father died two weeks before my sixteenth birthday- mid way through my year 11 GCSEs (I am now 18 and start uni in September). He was an older parent with children (15+ years older than me) and due to his age I always subconsciously knew he would die when I was young, but it didn't make it any easier when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer (he had a brain tumour). My mum, who I have never been as close too, told me it wasn't cancer, despite my olderr brother telling me so. She didn't make it easy when he was ill and I will never forgive her for the things that she did, but I am now struggling and I don't know what to do. She hasn never been there for me, only seems to care when she's in front of other people and never takes an interest in me. I also want a relationship with my dads other children, and although she has never denied me this, she make sure it very difficult as she will slander them to me and due to her actions when my dad was ill, they do not want a relationship with her and she can't understand why.
Quite honestly, I feel alone (even though there are so many people around me who love me). I want my mum to be a real mum but that will never happen. I am asking for advice now as I want a closer relationship with my dads children but I don't know how. They all have their own lives and whilst I know they care, I don't get to see them often because they live so far away. I don't want to be a nuisance to them but I want to have a relationship with them. I also don't know how to go about it because my auntie cries everytime she sees me because I remind her of dad so I don't know whether to just leave them because I don't want to cause them more pain.
Quite honestly, I feel alone (even though there are so many people around me who love me). I want my mum to be a real mum but that will never happen. I am asking for advice now as I want a closer relationship with my dads children but I don't know how. They all have their own lives and whilst I know they care, I don't get to see them often because they live so far away. I don't want to be a nuisance to them but I want to have a relationship with them. I also don't know how to go about it because my auntie cries everytime she sees me because I remind her of dad so I don't know whether to just leave them because I don't want to cause them more pain.
Original post by Anonymous
My father died two weeks before my sixteenth birthday- mid way through my year 11 GCSEs (I am now 18 and start uni in September). He was an older parent with children (15+ years older than me) and due to his age I always subconsciously knew he would die when I was young, but it didn't make it any easier when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer (he had a brain tumour). My mum, who I have never been as close too, told me it wasn't cancer, despite my olderr brother telling me so. She didn't make it easy when he was ill and I will never forgive her for the things that she did, but I am now struggling and I don't know what to do. She hasn never been there for me, only seems to care when she's in front of other people and never takes an interest in me. I also want a relationship with my dads other children, and although she has never denied me this, she make sure it very difficult as she will slander them to me and due to her actions when my dad was ill, they do not want a relationship with her and she can't understand why.
Quite honestly, I feel alone (even though there are so many people around me who love me). I want my mum to be a real mum but that will never happen. I am asking for advice now as I want a closer relationship with my dads children but I don't know how. They all have their own lives and whilst I know they care, I don't get to see them often because they live so far away. I don't want to be a nuisance to them but I want to have a relationship with them. I also don't know how to go about it because my auntie cries everytime she sees me because I remind her of dad so I don't know whether to just leave them because I don't want to cause them more pain.
Quite honestly, I feel alone (even though there are so many people around me who love me). I want my mum to be a real mum but that will never happen. I am asking for advice now as I want a closer relationship with my dads children but I don't know how. They all have their own lives and whilst I know they care, I don't get to see them often because they live so far away. I don't want to be a nuisance to them but I want to have a relationship with them. I also don't know how to go about it because my auntie cries everytime she sees me because I remind her of dad so I don't know whether to just leave them because I don't want to cause them more pain.
Hi there. Really sorry to hear this
my dad also died not long before I was 16 when I was in year 11 and doing my GCSEs. I was really struggling when I was 18 too. I luckily got counselling and CBT at this point - have you been able to get any support?Always here whenever you need to chat
Original post by BurstingBubbles
Hi there. Really sorry to hear this my dad also died not long before I was 16 when I was in year 11 and doing my GCSEs. I was really struggling when I was 18 too. I luckily got counselling and CBT at this point - have you been able to get any support?
Always here whenever you need to chat
my dad also died not long before I was 16 when I was in year 11 and doing my GCSEs. I was really struggling when I was 18 too. I luckily got counselling and CBT at this point - have you been able to get any support?Always here whenever you need to chat
Thanks. McMillan came Ina hen my dad was I'll bt my mum told them I was fine and didn't need any help. My school at the time were really awful (even though my dad worked there!!) due to a new head teacher so I didn't get any support then. My tutor at college made me for for a couple of months but I hated every second of it and it made me feel worse because I'd just get talked over or made to focus on one thing (ways I could make my mums life easier and be nicer to her). The impression I get now is I should be over it- nobody wants to talk about my dad and when they do, they just cry because I remind them of him.
I want to talk about everything that happened and make sense of it all, but 7 months on and I feel that people don't want to hear how I'm not coping anymore.
Last weekend, my best friend bought a Blu-ray disc and invited me to watch movies with her. When I saw her put the disc into a DVD drive, I told her that she couldn’t play a Blu-ray disc with a DVD drive. At that time, she felt very disappointed, thinking that we couldn’t enjoy the movie. But I have the skill to solve the problem about how to play Blu-ray on PC without a Blu-ray drive. Finally we enjoyed the great movie successfully.
Last weekend, my best friend bought a Blu-ray disc and invited me to watch movies with her. When I saw her put the disc into a DVD drive, I told her that she couldn’t play a Blu-ray disc with a DVD drive. At that time, she felt very disappointed, thinking that we couldn’t enjoy the movie. But I have the skill to solve the problem about how to play Blu-ray on PC without a Blu-ray drive. Finally we enjoyed the great movie successfully.
(edited 5 years ago)
Original post by hjsdj
I want to talk about everything that happened and make sense of it all, but 7 months on and I feel that people don't want to hear how I'm not coping anymore.
7 months is very little time. I still need to talk to people about stuff nearly 7 years on. Make sure you talk to someone you trust and who is patient, you can also use a bereavement counsellor
Original post by hjsdj
I want to talk about everything that happened and make sense of it all, but 7 months on and I feel that people don't want to hear how I'm not coping anymore.
Original post by Anonymous
7 months is very little time. I still need to talk to people about stuff nearly 7 years on. Make sure you talk to someone you trust and who is patient, you can also use a bereavement counsellor
This post was mine, it automatically selected anon and I didn't realise
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