Hi OP.
Well, what can I say?
A few months ago I was a wreck, too. Just like you. I had just got AAA in my A-Levels, I was in university and should have been having a blast. But then I started having anxiety problems, something which I have never had before. I have never even had depression or anything like that.
Anyway, I had trouble from the outset of university, and ended up having a nervous breakdown caused by lack of sleep (I couldn't sleep no matter what I did), excess alcohol and general bad physical health. Plus I had drifted away from a good friend and thought I could just make new and better friends there, which is a complete myth. The day/night when everything culminated and I eventually lost it, I stayed up all night thinking I was a reject and all that, which was completely unfounded. I genuinely thought I was schizophrenic because of paranoia of social rejection and the fact that I couldn't sleep.
I spent a few weeks in hospital, and absolutely everything was up the wall- university, my general state mentally and physically and just about anything else. It was the lowest point of my life.
First of all, I changed my physical lifestyle. I ate properly, eradicated alcohol from my diet and got myself to a physical peak again, (I had a bad chest infection). Then, suprise, suprise, my friend came to visit me. Then I asked the university to defer my place. I sorted everything out financially, and six months on, I lead a healthy lifestyle and am looking forward to both finding a temporary job and going back to university in September.
The first bit of advice I can give to you is change your sleeping pattern. Prior to university, I used to sleep from 4am till about 10am and so on, but that isn't good enough. You have to have proper sociable hours where you're in touch with society and your family, otherwise you turn into a vampire. A mate of mine's brother IS schizophrenic and spends all day laughing to himself and sleeping, and it's sad to see but he sort of bought it on himself by excessive cannabis use.
Once you have stabilised your sleeping pattern, then get the motivation back. I am always out and about-library, friends' houses, even if I'm not working, which I want to do soon.
Have you considered going back to university in 2008?
Hopefully, everything I've said has an effect on you and you turn your life around. It happened to me, and from a very deep trough the future looks promising for me.
Regards.