Stalker reputation update

Hi all. I posted on here a while back about fearing being called a stalker if I went to an American uni. Sorry about the length, but I'll post the whole thing.

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Over the summer I worked as an assistant at my university’s summer school program. On the first night of the schools I got chatting to a Californian girl. She was beautiful, intelligent and seemed to have a great personality. I and a few people ended up back at my room drinking wine ‘till the early hours talking. All the others left but her, and we chatted for another half hour or so about our lives in the UK and US. I really fancied her, but was a little worried about my professionalism, as we’d been warned by program directors not to form romantic attachments with students. She also mentioned a long-term boyfriend back home. The next day and for several days thereafter I’d lie on the lawns outside of college reading and she’d come and sit with me, talking but not flirting (at least not overtly).

We spent a good amount of our free time together over that week. On the Wednesday of the next week we went clubbing and spent the whole night talking and dancing. I picked up on flirting but the bf issue remained at the back of my mind. We walked back to my own college for a look around the grounds before heading back to our summer schools accommodation. The mood was perfect to kiss her, but I refrained. We headed to our respective rooms after a quick peck on the cheek. The next night we met in the bar after dinner. We decided to go out again, as most other people were. Just as we left college she whispered in my ear that she really enjoyed the previous night and smiled. We ended up kissing, heading back and making out; although no sex was involved.

The next week she’d often come down to my room and we’d cuddle and kiss and we spent all our free time together. One afternoon we went for a walk in the country to a nearby village and had drinks at a touristy pub. We got back for dinner and headed to the bar. Leaving at 11, though not drunk, we went up to my room. After the usual heavy petting, we had sex. The next day she came down to my room crying, saying she’d been on the phone to her bf, although she didn’t tell me exactly what had been said. I comforted her, telling her she was not a bad person. We had sex again over the coming days and grew closer.

After about another week, we went out for a meal, as her course in England was coming to a close. We spent time by the river with friends after the meal, walked for a while and stopped by the banks. She told me she loved me- I did the same. We exchanged numbers and she left a few days later. I saw her off early in the morning at the coach station and we promised to contact each other. I immediately went and sent her some copies of essays she wanted and she emailed a couple of days later about how she missed England and wanted to return. I left it a few days before contacting her, assuming she’d be happy to acclimatise back to her normal life. Then on the day I was planning to ring, I got an email explaining how she’d had the worst day of her life. Not only was she pissed off I’d not emailed, she’d also been called horrible things by her bf and his friends. I rang straight away and she sounded so miserable. She cried a little and I assured her I would come to visit at the end of the month. She said she loved me and we talked and laughed for a good hour.

Two days down the line I get an email saying we need to talk. She’d deleted me from her facebook friends and pictures, so it didn’t look good. I rang and she told me she couldn’t see me again. She said she felt ashamed and didn’t want to found our relationship on lies and hurting another person. Her bf had apparently been vile to her and swore he would never speak to her again. She said she hoped our paths crossed in the future but that she had to redeem her self respect and so forth. She was very teary and said goodbye. I assumed this to mean she wanted a break from me and that I should avoid contacting her. I have not spoken or written to her since.

I was sad not to try and work something out with her but put things down to experience. However, I failed to get funding for this year's masters and can't afford to self-fund a whole PhD. I was hence advised by the uni careers service to apply to US schools- which has taken a while to sort out, but I'm nearing the end of the process. On my shortlist, however, is this girl's university. Out of all those on the list, I'd say my chances of getting in are the best (decent references and support), and I'd also probably enjoy that college more than the other, arguably more prestigious schools. My decision has nothing to do with the girl, and I'm honest about that.

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Well, I got a letter of acceptance from that particular uni a few days back offering me full funding for 5 years of study. There is another option on the table from a very prestigious school, but it's in the Northeast and very much like my current uni- I fancied a change. I'm going to visit both of them next week. I think the chance of bumping into her on the open day is pretty slim, but if she were to see me, surely she would just freak, especially if she's back with the bf. And besides, if I decided to go there I'd be bound to meet her at some point. So I'm left with the choice. Do I email/AIM/phone her to let her know the whole situation, take the risk of visiting and only call if I accept the place, screw it and take my chances not to run into her at all (how likely do folks think that is?), or seriously consider not taking the place, getting a job or going to the other one? The ideal situation would be to go to her uni and not look like a stalker.

Cheers

Reply 1

The Bishman

Do you know for sure she's back with her boyfriend? I could be a good suprise for her if she still feels the same way.

Reply 2

foxiroxi

Well she did say she hopes your paths will cross again someday, you could read that into being at the university.

Once you have decided what univeristy you want to go to then just send her an e-mail explaining that you are coming to that university. It's pretty easy in a uni not to see someone if you are on different courses :smile:

You have to go for the univeristy which is best for you and the best experiance for you :smile:

Reply 3

hippieglitter

All advatages point to this university, don't think about her, go where you want, your decisions are not based on her and if you do see her you can explain or when and if you accept the place then email her and say you just wanted to tell her so she didn't think your were a freaky stalker or something that at least might make her laugh.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

bishman

Do you know for sure she's back with her boyfriend? I could be a good suprise for her if she still feels the same way.

I've actually just done a little stalking (rang friend who knows her) and she's back with the same man she was with when in England. Does this change my situation in terms of emailing her. How do you think she would react?

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