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    Hey everyone. I've got a real coming out problem. I'm a 19 year old guy and I've still not told anybody I'm gay. Nobody suspects it because I don't act in an obviously gay way, I don't have gay mannerisms nor the typical gay high voice, so i'm apparently straight. I've also had a relationship with a girl in the past for nearly 3 years with many break ups. This relationship ended because although I absolutely loved the girl, i couldn't love her on that sexual level. I stayed with her for companionship. People suspected I was gay when I was a child (I wore high heels and pretended I was cruella devill LOL) but they were reassured when I went out with my girlfriend. I realised I was gay when I seemed to find guys more attractive than girls. I'm not interested in girls at all nor am I fascinated by boobs.

    I'm really scared about talking to my dad about this - my mum died years ago and he's a single parent. I have no siblings so he'll never be a grandad, he won't be at my wedding when I kiss my bride. My dad doesn't really like gay people, he makes fun of them all the time (they're easy to make fun of with the way they're portrayed), and I don't know if he'll accept me. It makes me uncomfortable when he talks about me getting a girlfriend, when he taps me saying "that girls looking at you over there". I just give him the excuse that I "don't like humans" and pretend to act antisocial. I feel like I can't be myself around others and I feel socially awkward, like I have to monitor all my actions so people don't suspect I'm gay.

    Any of you guys had similar experiences? I would really appreciate some advice, i want to come out because the problem will only get worse when I get to university. I feel awkward when girls look at me as though they're attracted to me because I am an okay looking guy..

    Thank you for any comments/support!
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    Hetero or homosexual, a man's a man either way. So why don't you do the manly thing and assert yourself and stand your ground? You say you don't conform to the feminine male homosexual stereotype, and that your father passes derogatory comments against them because of this stereotype, right? Well, because you don't conform to the stereotype you will have the advantage over your father; he won't easily be able to criticise you, and from how you describe yourself, I doubt you're a push over.

    So simply put, here's my advice; go on the offensive and maintain it. Tell him you're gay and make him accept you for who you are. Tell him, and let him hate you if he so chooses, he'll eventually have to accept the facts because he's got nothing to support his expectation that you'll conform to his expectations.

    Either way, if this advice appears bad or unwise to you, then don't follow through with it. Or, have somebody else review it and share their thoughts with you.

    Best wishes,
    Knight

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    Sometimes, you've gotta do, what you've gotta do.

    Stand tall, stand proud, stand for freedom. You are what you are, you can't help how you were born.

    Your dad, if he really loves you, will understand. It may take him a second, a month, a year, a decade, or longer but he will eventually come to accept you for who you are. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

    Coming from a straight male, I can only imagine how hard it is for gays to come out but I'd hate to experience having to almost hide what you are in the 21st century. I would liken it to having a huge crush on someone but being powerless to ever letting them know. (dunno if that's the wrong analogy lol
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    (Original post by betterluck)
    Sometimes, you've gotta do, what you've gotta do.

    Stand tall, stand proud, stand for freedom. You are what you are, you can't help how you were born.

    Your dad, if he really loves you, will understand. It may take him a second, a month, a year, a decade, or longer but he will eventually come to accept you for who you are. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

    Coming from a straight male, I can only imagine how hard it is for gays to come out but I'd hate to experience having to almost hide what you are in the 21st century. I would liken it to having a huge crush on someone but being powerless to ever letting them know. (dunno if that's the wrong analogy lol
    Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. Especially since you're a straight guy - it gives me some faith about the attitudes of heterosexuals towards gays. I feel ashamed of being gay because I've always been taught by my dad that it was wrong. Anytime I made a feminine gesture my dad would tell me off, so now I'm conditioned to act in a masculine way. I also feel awkward when talking to guys, doing things like shaking their hand. I feel like if they knew I was gay, they wouldn't want to talk to me, but I want to have straight guy friends. Why couldn't I just have been been a normal person..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. Especially since you're a straight guy - it gives me some faith about the attitudes of heterosexuals towards gays. I feel ashamed of being gay because I've always been taught by my dad that it was wrong. Anytime I made a feminine gesture my dad would tell me off, so now I'm conditioned to act in a masculine way. I also feel awkward when talking to guys, doing things like shaking their hand. I feel like if they knew I was gay, they wouldn't want to talk to me, but I want to have straight guy friends. Why couldn't I just have been been a normal person..
    I used to be homophobic, but then I thought about how harsh it is on homosexuals. It's simply not right. Whether someone believes it to be real or not, that's out of the question. Let's focus on the individual. He or she is a human and is thus entitled to the same liberties of any other human being, regardless of race.

    You're gonna have to let your dad know and it's gonna go one of two ways and tell him this: this is me, your son, I'm gay but I hope you can accept me for who I am, just as I accept you and those around me for who they are.

    At this point, he'll cuddle you and probably tell you he's cool about it or he'll tell you to **** off, at which point you just need to cut him out of your life and wait for him to come and apologise.

    Also, don't hate yourself, that'll get you nowhere. There are loads of gays coming out these days (dare I say it's fashionable? [sorry that's a bit far, I don't mean to cause offence but you get my just - it's become more common, right?])

    Saying, 'I wish I could've been born normal' is like saying 'I wish I could've been more white'. It wouldn't have done much for the civil rights movement.

    Good luck dude
 
 
 
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