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I'm scared I'll have to drop out of university due to bullying watch

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    #1

    I start uni in a few weeks. I'm really happy I'm going as I didn't think I'd make the grades!

    But now the initial excitement of actually getting in is starting to fade, I'm beginning to worry about my practical issues.

    I've been bullied at just about every stage if my life. I have Asperger's syndrome which, as everyone knows, means I don't really get social cues and thus find social relationships difficult.

    Oftentimes I haven't even realised I was being bullied! Teachers had to call me aside and point it out to me!

    I've been bullied by my dad, at primary school, at both secondary schools I went to and even a tiny bit at sixth form (although not much these last few years, only a bit over political opinions!)

    I'm so scared I'll get bullied on my halls in particular as everyone will want to go out drinking and I'm not a drinker! I'm also very shy :/

    If I end up dropping out due to bullying I'd have to go to my local uni and commute which isn't nearly as prestigious as the one I'm going to, and then I'd end up being lonely !

    Is bullying at uni a regular occurrence ?!
    • #2
    #2

    Don't worry, you haven't even start uni yet, so you can relax a bit until you start the life in halls.
    I was bullied throughout my life (since i was 2) and was pretty much hated, until university. I had worried about the same thing (especially I am from overseas and hence why my English is broken), but I made it anyway with some close friends now.

    I understand you have Aspergers and that might made your life hard, but its because they are immature, so to take your condition as a weapon to bully you. In general in university people are more educated and willing to accept people with different personalities (though with some rubbish people they mocked me of everything). I dont drink as well, and when I first came to uni i just told them and just joined the part (drinking coke only, haha).
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    you have not even gone and you are considering dropping out because of bullying....
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    There will be so many new people to meet at university, it will be nothing like school or sixth form which is such a tiny pool of students, and you'll be a lot more independent. There will be someone understanding and not everyone is a heavy drinker; I worry about that aspect too but we might be surprised at how many people won't drink or party much.
    Always remember universities have support networks in place also; and at this age people are generally a lot more mature so bullying should be very unlikely and petty!
    • #3
    #3

    do martial arts boost confidence
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    No one ever gets bullied in Uni. Everyone has their own thing going on and people tend to concentrate in their studies. People don't give a sh*t what you look like, what you wear etc.
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    Speak to Student Support Services, join some clubs that interest you, throw yourself in to the course and I am sure all will be well.
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    This will sound harsh, but you seem to have a victim mentality, which isn't going to make it any easier for you. If people previously had to point out that you were being bullied, can you recognise when it is happening, or will you translate every negative thing that happens to you or is said to you into bullying? Please try not to worry about being bullied, and if you think it's happening, take a step back and look at it from a distance. Is it a recurring behaviour targetted at you? I have known people with Aspergers who were very sensitive, and thought that they were being bullied in several situations where they weren't, such as a person generally not being very nice, but not treating them any differently to anyone else; someone having legitimate complaints about their level of noise/clutter/annoying habits and voicing this in an appropriate manner; and even just someone having a very different personality and asking them to join in with things that they didn't want to do (this was only one person and they did change their thinking after a while!).

    Bullying is pretty uncommon at University, because most people there are mature enough not to bother with it, and there's so much to do that picking on someone really isn't top of the fun list. That said, there are plenty of people who don't know how to live with others, who might be aggressive or *****y to start off with, and whose attitudes might seem quite offputting to you at first, but most of these people won't be bullies.
    Not being a drinker and not enjoying clubbing or partying is fine! If everyone else wants to go out, let them, and wander around looking for people who aren're going out - I made a really good friend with Aspergers when my flat stayed in one night in Freshers and his flatmates all went out, and he just wandered around the building until he found us still there and asked to join us.
    If you do think you're being bullied at some point, ask a frient or a flatmate (preferably someone who knows you and the potential bully) how they feel about his/her behaviour, or just confront the person and tell them what exatly they are doing that you don't like. They may not realise that they are upsetting you, and if they did, they'll probably be surprised enough by you turning around and asking them to stop that they won't bother any more - like I said, there are enough things to do at Uni that bullying isn't really worth the effort, especially if you make it trouble for them! Unless you're really unlucky, your friends and flatmates should stick up for you, because my experience of University was that people were much less tolerant of bullying behaviour than at school, and nobody wanted to be friends with someone who was going to be that unpleasant, because there was no pressure to "fit in" with a particular social group like there was at school when you had far fewer choices of friends.
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    (Original post by AzimH)
    No one ever gets bullied in Uni. Everyone has their own thing going on and people tend to concentrate in their studies. People don't give a sh*t what you look like, what you wear etc.
    Actually, I did. And I dropped out because of it.

    OP, cases like mine are really rare and you'll most likely sail through uni without any issues. Surround yourself with new, nice friends who will stick up for you if you ever do encounter any immature ********s. Don't let them get you down like I did - report them if it happens.

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    It's really important you speak to the Disability Office at your university, preferably before you go.
    They will provide someone to support you, and someone who can be honest about whether something is or is not bullying.

    So many people don't drink now, that that isn't likely to be a problem.
    Don't talk about your political views if you can avoid it, that will remove one area of potential conflict.

    Be friendly :wavey: and don't take what people say too much to heart.
    Everyone will be nervous and saying the wrong things :ashamed2:, that's just being young.
    You'll be fine :banana:.
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    (Original post by holson)
    Actually, I did. And I dropped out because of it.

    OP, cases like mine are really rare and you'll most likely sail through uni without any issues. Surround yourself with new, nice friends who will stick up for you if you ever do encounter any immature ********s. Don't let them get you down like I did - report them if it happens.

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    Sorry to hear that; I've never heard any cases of bullying in uni however I am aware there are a few immature knobs who can get too cocky. Hope everything is okay now
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    Bullying at uni seems to be rare, as long as you slot yourself in the right crowd you'll be fine.

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    Bullying is a possibility at any stage of life but the worst thing you can do is go to university with the mindset 'I hope I don't have to drop out from bullying.' If you are thinking that now then are you sure you want to even go to university?

    The worst thing you can do is let yourself be the victim and be defeated by yourself before you even get to university. Go to the student support services and ask about support options for people with Aspergers, and join a few societies that interest you until you find a group of friends who like you for who you are and respect you for yourself.

    I know one university had a 'cake and tea/coffee' society, or a comedy club, or a reading group, a gaming group, sports societies such as quidditch, swimming, archery etc.. go to the welcome week society fair and get yourself signed up to a few that you're interested in trying even if you've never done it before. If anyone does give you grief then either stop associating with them or speak to someone about the problem. University is more than big enough to avoid someone you don't get along with.

    As for your hall mates, don't approach them with the idea that they are all going to like drinking (although a fair few will statistically) or some sort of negative mindset that because you're shy you can't get along with them, or they are going to bully you or not take you seriously or... or X or Y or Z... Worrying is your own worst enemy in this case.

    You are going to go to university and have a great time despite the occasional down times that always happen wit life and you will come out the other end a graduate with confidence to go forward with your life. Just go for it.

    ~Alex

    On a personal note I have a friend who was in the same sort of situation as you Aspergers, shy and selectively mute... but she joined the comedy society and had a great time (was how I met her) and while she didn't do any shows she turned up to the weekly sessions and did the best to take part with the improv comedy games we played.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I start uni in a few weeks. I'm really happy I'm going as I didn't think I'd make the grades!

    But now the initial excitement of actually getting in is starting to fade, I'm beginning to worry about my practical issues.

    I've been bullied at just about every stage if my life. I have Asperger's syndrome which, as everyone knows, means I don't really get social cues and thus find social relationships difficult.

    Oftentimes I haven't even realised I was being bullied! Teachers had to call me aside and point it out to me!

    I've been bullied by my dad, at primary school, at both secondary schools I went to and even a tiny bit at sixth form (although not much these last few years, only a bit over political opinions!)

    I'm so scared I'll get bullied on my halls in particular as everyone will want to go out drinking and I'm not a drinker! I'm also very shy :/

    If I end up dropping out due to bullying I'd have to go to my local uni and commute which isn't nearly as prestigious as the one I'm going to, and then I'd end up being lonely !

    Is bullying at uni a regular occurrence ?!
    I am pretty much just like you. Not sure if I have Asperger's or not though as never been diagnosed. I was bullied throughout secondary and probably through primary. It took 3 years in secondary before I even realised that my 'friends' were actually bullying me.
    All I can say is don't drop out - why should you drop out just because some moron feels like bullying you? Just don't sit in your room and avoid socialising completely.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I start uni in a few weeks. I'm really happy I'm going as I didn't think I'd make the grades!

    But now the initial excitement of actually getting in is starting to fade, I'm beginning to worry about my practical issues.

    I've been bullied at just about every stage if my life. I have Asperger's syndrome which, as everyone knows, means I don't really get social cues and thus find social relationships difficult.

    Oftentimes I haven't even realised I was being bullied! Teachers had to call me aside and point it out to me!

    I've been bullied by my dad, at primary school, at both secondary schools I went to and even a tiny bit at sixth form (although not much these last few years, only a bit over political opinions!)

    I'm so scared I'll get bullied on my halls in particular as everyone will want to go out drinking and I'm not a drinker! I'm also very shy :/

    If I end up dropping out due to bullying I'd have to go to my local uni and commute which isn't nearly as prestigious as the one I'm going to, and then I'd end up being lonely !

    Is bullying at uni a regular occurrence ?!
    I'm an advocate for diversity at University and I believe that Aspergers can be a gift. Don't squander it because you think some people might have a problem with who you are. Who cares what they think? You? Don't bother because it's the same for eveyone and there just isn't time to be fretting over what people think about us.

    Use your skills and gifts and learn! Get educated, become the master of your chosen profession! You will find people at University are generaly more accepting than you'd think.

    You'll be the one laughing when you're graduated with a 1st and on your way to doing what you love and getting paid for it.

    Don't let the *******s win! Why should other people who don't care about you influence your choices and your life! Don't let it!
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    (Original post by JPO92)

    Don't let the *******s win! Why should other people who don't care about you influence your choices and your life! Don't let it!
    I wish I had taken that advice when I was being bullied! Now I'm struggling to get a job as I'm a drop out and I always feel like my bullies "won" by me ****ing up my life by dropping out.

    OP, I may not have aspergers or autism but I know how horrible bullying is and how soul-destroying it can be. If you find that people are being mean, don't rise to it. Ignore them and prove yourself better than them by studying and graduating.

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    You get the people who are dicks, it's gonna be like that throughout life. You just have to learn to ignore them and get on with life. That's one of the most important things that uni taught me. There'll always be people there who are genuine and good to chill with, and then there are the people that are so worried about being popular that they'll start to degrade others. That's just life. I found that like 99% of people I spoke to at uni had been bullied throughout their time at school as well so you aren't alone. It doesn't have to be the same.

    Hope it goes well.
 
 
 
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