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What leads to fear of commitment in men? watch

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    Hi I'm just wanting to know people's thoughts on some of the factors that lead to some men being so afraid of commitment. Of course I'm aware that some women have the same fear of commitment but I suspect the reasons are different and I would like to explore the reasons in men.

    In case you are curious I am in my mid 20s and have only ever attracted men who turned out to be emotionally unavailable and fear commitment, and as a result I have never made it to being the girlfriend (no I didn't sleep with any of the men). I'm sick of these men being drawn to me but also acknowledge that there must be a reason I am drawing them into my life. I've been trying to look within to see why this might be and the only thing I can think of is my father is has always been physically present (still married to mother, living with us) but emotionally absent. What can I do?
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    Past experiences perhaps?
    Liking the single life maybe?
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    Insecurity maybe some are too paranoid and think their partners will cheat


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    (Original post by Pikachu94)
    Insecurity maybe some are too paranoid and think their partners will cheat


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    That's a fair point. I know some people like that tbf....They dont think theyre "good enough"
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi I'm just wanting to know people's thoughts on some of the factors that lead to some men being so afraid of commitment. Of course I'm aware that some women have the same fear of commitment but I suspect the reasons are different and I would like to explore the reasons in men.

    In case you are curious I am in my mid 20s and have only ever attracted men who turned out to be emotionally unavailable and fear commitment, and as a result I have never made it to being the girlfriend (no I didn't sleep with any of the men). I'm sick of these men being drawn to me but also acknowledge that there must be a reason I am drawing them into my life. I've been trying to look within to see why this might be and the only thing I can think of is my father is has always been physically present (still married to mother, living with us) but emotionally absent. What can I do?
    1. Your assumption: most men have fear of commitment. That's false. It's not fear is dislike. Just like most women dislike sex outside of a relationship, men dislike commitment.

    2. Commitment is essentially a restriction of your sexual behaviour. Your sexual behaviour is limited to one and only one person. And thus, sex happens only when you and your partner want it as opposed to you wanting it and just having to find someone available.

    3. Commitment entails costs both financial and psychological. You can't take risky actions (like accepting a job in another country or moving out in a whim) because you have to take into account the opinion of your partner. In addition, you have to ensure you have enough money for you and your partner regardless of her employment status. You have to think constantly about her emotional needs and restrict your behaviour appropriately. You need to maintain regular communication with her (see texting/calling).

    Points 2 and 3 are a major turn-off to many males and hence they are not interested in commitment. Especially if they are males, have so many opportunities around and commitment will mean a restriction of the number of opportunities available to them.
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    Well seeing the whole marriage route is effectively becoming more and more a bad deal. On top of that many groups are, rather successfully I may add, campaigning for co-habiting couples to get the same legal rights as married couples.

    Basically when the relationship is over you get screwed over and your social life is expected to drastically change when in a relationship.

    I don't think the majority of men really mind the commitment aspect of relationships in of itself. It's the sum of all the small and rather large negatives.
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    Kanye puts it best: "Cause when she leave yo ass she gon' leave with half"
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    we are fearful by experience , not by nature
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    (Original post by The_Internet)
    That's a fair point. I know some people like that tbf....They dont think theyre "good enough"
    For many i would expect that the feeling of not being good enough is what leads to a fear of commitment.
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    (Original post by Juichiro)
    1. Your assumption: most men have fear of commitment. That's false. It's not fear is dislike. Just like most women dislike sex outside of a relationship, men dislike commitment.

    2. Commitment is essentially a restriction of your sexual behaviour. Your sexual behaviour is limited to one and only one person. And thus, sex happens only when you and your partner want it as opposed to you wanting it and just having to find someone available.

    3. Commitment entails costs both financial and psychological. You can't take risky actions (like accepting a job in another country or moving out in a whim) because you have to take into account the opinion of your partner. In addition, you have to ensure you have enough money for you and your partner regardless of her employment status. You have to think constantly about her emotional needs and restrict your behaviour appropriately. You need to maintain regular communication with her (see texting/calling).

    Points 2 and 3 are a major turn-off to many males and hence they are not interested in commitment. Especially if they are males, have so many opportunities around and commitment will mean a restriction of the number of opportunities available to them.
    I wrote that some men have a fear of commitment not most. However I admitted that most (if not all) of the men I have personally attracted into my life have had this fear and that I hold some responsibility towards attracting them into my life.

    It's interesting to think of it more as a dislike as opposed to a fear that gives me something to think about and I can see that now. Like the whole sex thing in point 2 I think men keeping their options open and preferring to play the field is a big thing especially given how easy it can be in today's society. I personally don't relate to that though as I do not have an inclination to sleep with lots of men and would prefer a deep, meaningful bond with the man that I sleep with even if that comes with more compromise and sacrifice.

    However for instance based on your point 3 I still think fear is a substantial element of it as the man is too afraid to take a risk as he is afraid it will impact his finances and emotional well being negatively. He is afraid it just won't pay off so he does not bother as he thinks a woman will only take from the table and not have anything to add to it. I can sympathise that there are a few men who have been used for their assets or grown up in broken homes where the father got rinsed by the divorce and family courts and through emotional hell, leading to a lack of trust in women and relationships.
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    (Original post by money-for-all)
    we are fearful by experience , not by nature
    Are you referring to yourself here? If so is this experience from relationships in your own family or your own personal relationships with women?
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    I think you often see other guys become boring when they get in serious relationships, you don't want to end up like that.
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    Maybe it's the guy thinking "is she going to be the last woman I'll ever sleep with/have a relationship with?"
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    Men are pussies yet they have no problem tappin that pussy eh
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    (Original post by saeed97)
    Kanye puts it best: "Cause when she leave yo ass she gon' leave with half"
    I think this is understandable that men have a fear of getting their assets taken off them. However if men picked women of high value and equal status do you think this would be the case? Kayne West and other hip hop artists as an example mess around with a low calibre of women to be honest who have little to bring to the table other than booty.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Are you referring to yourself here? If so is this experience from relationships in your own family or your own personal relationships with women?
    ]

    My Life.
    My choices.
    My Mistakes.
    My lessons.

    Your question is too personal for me to even consider answering.
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    Anxiety issues, that's certainly mine. I'm scared about sometime real happening and that i'll never be the boyfriend she wants
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    Because we're individualistic and selfish by nature. What we want is top priority
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    (Original post by an_atheist)
    For many i would expect that the feeling of not being good enough is what leads to a fear of commitment.
    Tbf were all making assumptions here unless someone has experience of the above?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think this is understandable that men have a fear of getting their assets taken off them. However if men picked women of high value and equal status do you think this would be the case? Kayne West and other hip hop artists as an example mess around with a low calibre of women to be honest who have little to bring to the table other than booty.
    The main problem is, regardless of status and income, I've had friends and family who's experiences have proven your statement not to be the case.

    Hell in this day and age the man can earn less than the woman, but if she has a good lawyer (or she is one herself as in my uncles case) they can still be screwed over. Supposedly by someone you once trusted more than anyone else. It can be even more gut wrenching if the breakup wasn't your fault or comes out of nowhere.
 
 
 
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