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are parents unreasonable or am I?
im 18 and in my final year of school. in the summer, me and my friends were planning to go interrailing together. we worked out the total cost at about £500.
my friends have already booked their tickets but my parents say I can't go. They said that they couldn't afford it which I completely understand. I told them that this trip was very important to me and that I wanted to get a job to earn the money myself. They forbade me to get a job (even babysitting), saying it would interfere with my A-level studies.
I pointed out that the trip was taking place in July and as A-levels end in June, I could not earn the money in time. I suggested that they lend me the money, which I could then earn back in august and september before uni and pay them back. They refused, saying that I should always earn money before I spend it, and not rely on them to give me loans.
Am I being unfair in thinking that they are being unreasonable? I've always been very responsible with money, spending little and saving a lot. They won't let me use my savings to pay for the trip because they said I would need it at uni.
Opinions, please?
my friends have already booked their tickets but my parents say I can't go. They said that they couldn't afford it which I completely understand. I told them that this trip was very important to me and that I wanted to get a job to earn the money myself. They forbade me to get a job (even babysitting), saying it would interfere with my A-level studies.
I pointed out that the trip was taking place in July and as A-levels end in June, I could not earn the money in time. I suggested that they lend me the money, which I could then earn back in august and september before uni and pay them back. They refused, saying that I should always earn money before I spend it, and not rely on them to give me loans.
Am I being unfair in thinking that they are being unreasonable? I've always been very responsible with money, spending little and saving a lot. They won't let me use my savings to pay for the trip because they said I would need it at uni.
Opinions, please?
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Reply 1
How do your parents act in other situations? It could be the fact that they're protective of you, and are being ignorant because they simply don't want the worry of having you interrailing. How are they with letting you go to parties and getting home late at night?
I think they are right to say that you shouldn't go if you don't have the money, but not letting you get the job to get the money is totally unfair on your behalf because it's a circular argument... "we won't let you go because you don't have the money, you don't have the money so we're not letting you go".
Maybe if you spend the next few weeks discussing with your parents your studies, showing them the work your doing, and maybe when you're not doing homework go and sit with them downstairs or talk to them. That way they'll see that your studies aren't taking up a lot of free time.
If they can see this, and see that you're still coping with your workload, they may be able to reach a comprimise with the money.
Good luck! My parents were like that last year when I wanted to go to the Reading Festival with my mates. But we comprimised in the end, and I could go.
edit: that made it sound like it was you being the unreasonable one! just wanted to clarify that it's not you! i think your parents are being unflexible in the situation, and digging themselves into a hole with the circular argument.
I think they are right to say that you shouldn't go if you don't have the money, but not letting you get the job to get the money is totally unfair on your behalf because it's a circular argument... "we won't let you go because you don't have the money, you don't have the money so we're not letting you go".
Maybe if you spend the next few weeks discussing with your parents your studies, showing them the work your doing, and maybe when you're not doing homework go and sit with them downstairs or talk to them. That way they'll see that your studies aren't taking up a lot of free time.
If they can see this, and see that you're still coping with your workload, they may be able to reach a comprimise with the money.
Good luck! My parents were like that last year when I wanted to go to the Reading Festival with my mates. But we comprimised in the end, and I could go.
edit: that made it sound like it was you being the unreasonable one! just wanted to clarify that it's not you! i think your parents are being unflexible in the situation, and digging themselves into a hole with the circular argument.
Reply 2
I understand where your parents are coming from. And I understand that this is actually quite unfair - coz either way you aren't able to go.
But, have you realised that perhaps there is another reason that your parents aren't letting you go, that has nothing to do with money?
But, have you realised that perhaps there is another reason that your parents aren't letting you go, that has nothing to do with money?
Reply 3
getting a job won't interfere with your a levels. seems to be the best option imo.
Reply 4
Why did your friend book the interrailing first before you asked your parents?
Your friend should have waited, or you should have asked your parents before she booked it...
I agree with wackysparkle... maybe they are worried about you going with your friends.
Your friend should have waited, or you should have asked your parents before she booked it...
I agree with wackysparkle... maybe they are worried about you going with your friends.
Reply 5
Your parents sound like *******s. Your 18, do whatever you want...
Reply 6
Can they afford to lend you the money? All you can do is talk it over with them. It's your life and you're old enough to make your own decisions now, but it sounds like you still rely on your parents (hardly an unusual situation to be in).
I've never been interrailing but I know people who have been and who have loved it. Unless your parents are totally closed to the idea, you should be able to negotiate something.
- they'll have to let you go travelling at some point
- you're going with a trusted group of friends
- you're willing to work for the money
- you'll learn and see loads while interrailing
- you can show them the marks you're getting from school/college to show that your studies aren't suffering
- you may well be short of money at uni but that's not a unique and unsolvable problem
- the trip means a lot to you
Keep pushing and make sure you know the figures/pros/cons before tackling your parents again (but don't overwhelm them with info and expect them to change their minds without having some time to think and discuss it between themselves).
Good luck
I've never been interrailing but I know people who have been and who have loved it. Unless your parents are totally closed to the idea, you should be able to negotiate something.
- they'll have to let you go travelling at some point
- you're going with a trusted group of friends
- you're willing to work for the money
- you'll learn and see loads while interrailing
- you can show them the marks you're getting from school/college to show that your studies aren't suffering
- you may well be short of money at uni but that's not a unique and unsolvable problem
- the trip means a lot to you
Keep pushing and make sure you know the figures/pros/cons before tackling your parents again (but don't overwhelm them with info and expect them to change their minds without having some time to think and discuss it between themselves).
Good luck
I personally think they're being unreasonable considering that you'll have just finished taking your A-Levels, which is a big deal. Plus will the price of the ticket go up the longer you wait?
Ask about babysitting again - you can pick & choose which jobs you take, so if you have too much work one night/day you can just say no. Try putting this forward to your parents?
Also, maybe ask your friends' parents to talk to your parents about the holiday. May put their minds at rest. Good luck!
Ask about babysitting again - you can pick & choose which jobs you take, so if you have too much work one night/day you can just say no. Try putting this forward to your parents?
Also, maybe ask your friends' parents to talk to your parents about the holiday. May put their minds at rest. Good luck!
Reply 8
Job never interfered with my A levels, I've had it since my GCSEs started, that was 2 years ago. I do 10 hours. To me, they seem unreasonable, but then again my parents give me a lot of freedom
Talya
you're 18 and don't have to listen to them. Get a job now.
Not quite that simple I wouldn't think; as long as I'm under my parents' roof they still have the final say, and I presume that's the same in most houses.
Unfortunately parents can often be seemingly unreasonable. And it's even worse when their argument isn't a particularly strong one.
I'd perhaps suggest them letting you get a job, and you prove it's not affecting your studies; show them your marks and that you're on top of all your work etc.
Say if it works out, you'll keep the job and go Interrailling. If it doesn't work, you'll leave the job and the money you earnt can just be put away as more university savings.
Or you could work out the figures and prove you can earn back the money you'd take from your savings in August/September so you won't be any worse off once you get to Uni?
Out of interest, where did the £500 figure come from, I always thought interrailling would cost a lot more than that?
Reply 11
Maybe you should get a job now, when you're not revising for your exams, and then give it up when you get to exam time? You could work a limited amount of hours so that you're not spending all your free time (ie. "revision time") in the job.
My parents are hugely unreasonable about stuff like this as well, and it is the most irritating thing in the world. My advice would be to stay as calm as possible with them, and explain to them that you should be able to use your own money (your savings) as you wish, but that you would like to get a job. When they tell you you're not allowed, maybe you should suggest the above (getting a job starting now, giving up for exams) as a compromise. Tell them that you could simply go, but that you want to deal with this with them in an adult way, which is why you're willing to compromise..
I totally sympathise with you on this one. Don't worry, only 6 months til uni, and then you can do whatever the hell you like!
Red xx
My parents are hugely unreasonable about stuff like this as well, and it is the most irritating thing in the world. My advice would be to stay as calm as possible with them, and explain to them that you should be able to use your own money (your savings) as you wish, but that you would like to get a job. When they tell you you're not allowed, maybe you should suggest the above (getting a job starting now, giving up for exams) as a compromise. Tell them that you could simply go, but that you want to deal with this with them in an adult way, which is why you're willing to compromise..
I totally sympathise with you on this one. Don't worry, only 6 months til uni, and then you can do whatever the hell you like!
Red xx
Reply 12
**** your parents, i got 9 A*s at GCSE and AAAAAB at AS while working the whole time and maintaing an active social life....
this sounds to me like your parents just dont want you to go and arent willing to change their position. the more you offer to compromise the more they refuse to give up which seems pretty unfair to me
to be honest youre 18 and you can do what you want.
babysitting is probably the best idea as you get a lot of money for what you are doing, and if you babysit for very young children, they will probably be asleep within an hour of you being there. you could then use the rest of the evening to revise for your exams? and as someone previously mentioned, you can pick and chose the days you work so you wont be under pressure like you would at another job. after your exams you could perhaps offer to babysit more and you will get even more money for it!
i would try suggesting this to your parents as there isnt really a reason why you shouldnt do it, it sounds to me like they just dont want to back down
to be honest youre 18 and you can do what you want.
babysitting is probably the best idea as you get a lot of money for what you are doing, and if you babysit for very young children, they will probably be asleep within an hour of you being there. you could then use the rest of the evening to revise for your exams? and as someone previously mentioned, you can pick and chose the days you work so you wont be under pressure like you would at another job. after your exams you could perhaps offer to babysit more and you will get even more money for it!
i would try suggesting this to your parents as there isnt really a reason why you shouldnt do it, it sounds to me like they just dont want to back down
Could you postpone the trip till August and earn the money between end of A levels and then?
I think what you are proposing sounds quite reasonable, not knowing how hard you have to work for school and what your aims are. I don't think your parents can forbid you to have a job, since you are 18.
How about compromising like this: you work a little so as not to loose too much time for school and earn aroung 250 to 300 pounds. They lend you the rest and you work to pay back the rest after the trip (mind you I'd want to know that there really IS a job waiting).
I think what you are proposing sounds quite reasonable, not knowing how hard you have to work for school and what your aims are. I don't think your parents can forbid you to have a job, since you are 18.
How about compromising like this: you work a little so as not to loose too much time for school and earn aroung 250 to 300 pounds. They lend you the rest and you work to pay back the rest after the trip (mind you I'd want to know that there really IS a job waiting).
Reply 15
thanks for replying.
i dont think my parents are worried about me going because after GCSEs they let me go travelling to india with a friend. that situation was different, money wise, because we'd both been sponsored by our school as it was for a charity project. however, we were travelling completely by ourselves, all around india, and we were sixteen. now im eighteen, i intend to go with a large group of friends, and we're travelling around europe, and often planning to stay with friends' relatives or friends of friends.
so i doubt it's that. basically they have a really strict attitude to money. they say that if i earn it, i can go. but they wont let me get a job even though its a few months before A-levels. they keep saying its almost march, exams start in june, and its not that long. i couldnt get a job last term either because of university interviews. they said i should have got a job in the summer. actually i was doing work experience at a magazine. my mum said, 'well then you should have done some proper work instead of fooling around at that magazine.' i thought that was really unfair, as my degree is journalism, its highly relevant.
they just won't budge. im 18 and i feel like i should have the final say on my life. but i am still living under their roof and this, to them, means i have to obey them.
the problem with putting the trip off till august is that everyone else has already planned it for july. there are 8 of us and we agreed on july a few weeks ago. i asked my parents then and they said, we'll think about it. they only decided to not allow me a couple of days ago.
i dont think my parents are worried about me going because after GCSEs they let me go travelling to india with a friend. that situation was different, money wise, because we'd both been sponsored by our school as it was for a charity project. however, we were travelling completely by ourselves, all around india, and we were sixteen. now im eighteen, i intend to go with a large group of friends, and we're travelling around europe, and often planning to stay with friends' relatives or friends of friends.
so i doubt it's that. basically they have a really strict attitude to money. they say that if i earn it, i can go. but they wont let me get a job even though its a few months before A-levels. they keep saying its almost march, exams start in june, and its not that long. i couldnt get a job last term either because of university interviews. they said i should have got a job in the summer. actually i was doing work experience at a magazine. my mum said, 'well then you should have done some proper work instead of fooling around at that magazine.' i thought that was really unfair, as my degree is journalism, its highly relevant.
they just won't budge. im 18 and i feel like i should have the final say on my life. but i am still living under their roof and this, to them, means i have to obey them.
the problem with putting the trip off till august is that everyone else has already planned it for july. there are 8 of us and we agreed on july a few weeks ago. i asked my parents then and they said, we'll think about it. they only decided to not allow me a couple of days ago.
I'd just go, if I were you. To be honest, you're 18, you're legally an adult, and therefore it is no longer up to your parents to tell you that you cannot do this. Get a job, you don't need to do many hours a week to accumulate £500 by july.I do feel that your parents are being unreasonable, but then I always had a lot of freedom.
Oh, and the 'not whilst you're under our roof' excuse is so often used now, I really don't think it carries much threat-are your parents really going to throw you out if you go on holiday? Doubt it, especially if they still feel you need to ask them for their permission over things, they sound fairly protective to me; NOT the sort who'll just kick you out into the street over this.
Reply 18
get a jobanyway, would be my advice. And if ou can't get all of the £500, then see if your friends will loan you any money.
Your parents' stipulation that you mustn't spend money you haven't got is a very reasonable and sensible one. But in this situation, they are, I think, being unreasonable (not to say contradictory) - because you do have the money, in the form of your savings. If you get a job in August and September, then you will easily be able to earn £500. Much more, I would think. Can you negotiate to be allowed to use your savings for the trip on the basis that you will earn everything you spend back immediately afterwards?
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