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    I'm abroad on student exchange in the USA and so far I have made zero friends. My 3 flatmates seemed really nice at the start and I thought we'd get on great. Two of them went out together today to one of the main tourist attractions, while the other constantly goes out with people in the same student accommodation, never once asking me along. Parties and events come up and he tells me about them AFTER they've finished. I'm now caught between forcing myself to be friendly to them, why should I when they keep leaving me out and ****ting on me from great heights (?), and just ignoring them which will certainly not make anything better.

    I'm in an entirely new place, a massive city on the other side of the world. I have massive social anxiety, absolutely zero confidence, and my self-consciousness has risen infinitely since I got here.

    I have no idea how to make friends. I've been to sports clubs, meetings and classes and nothing has worked. I am now terrified and depressed my student exchange and once-in-a-lifetime opportunity will be entirely ruined because of this.

    Without sounding pitiful (probably too late), I am DESPERATE for advice and help on what to do before it's too late, or I will regret this for the rest of my life.

    Anyone?
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    Hmmm, what an unfortunate situation you're in.

    Are your flatmates all also exchange students? Did they already know each other prior to this exchange or were you all new to each other?

    Is there a reason why you're not being invited to their outings?

    Does this mean you've not been to parties? The ones that your flatmates are going to. If this is the case, how about asking to go along the next time?

    Once you're at the party, there's no need to hang around your flatmate(s) and you can try to mingle with other people there. Someone from your course or something?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm abroad on student exchange in the USA and so far I have made zero friends. My 3 flatmates seemed really nice at the start and I thought we'd get on great. Two of them went out together today to one of the main tourist attractions, while the other constantly goes out with people in the same student accommodation, never once asking me along. Parties and events come up and he tells me about them AFTER they've finished. I'm now caught between forcing myself to be friendly to them, why should I when they keep leaving me out and ****ting on me from great heights (?), and just ignoring them which will certainly not make anything better.

    I'm in an entirely new place, a massive city on the other side of the world. I have massive social anxiety, absolutely zero confidence, and my self-consciousness has risen infinitely since I got here.

    I have no idea how to make friends. I've been to sports clubs, meetings and classes and nothing has worked. I am now terrified and depressed my student exchange and once-in-a-lifetime opportunity will be entirely ruined because of this.

    Without sounding pitiful (probably too late), I am DESPERATE for advice and help on what to do before it's too late, or I will regret this for the rest of my life.

    Anyone?
    Hey, firstly I'm sorry that this awesome opportunity is becoming a disappointment because of bad energy around you. By that i mean people.
    Just remember these are just people, soon you'll see that some people aren't as nice as they seem. Doesn't matter there are potential friends out there!

    - One advice is to straightforwardly approach them and ask them if they could invite you to places with them so that you get a better look at your surroundings and ask them why they're not inviting you.

    -Or not. I know what social anxiety can feel like, it's horrible, just remember that you're in this new country, you have a CHANCE to explore yourself, who you are as a person. You could be anyone you wanted to be. Try on some confidence, be spontaneous, go to a club, go to a park or somewhere with people and see where it takes you.
    - be random, this is a chance you might be telling your grandchildren one day, make the most of it.

    - Go shopping, buy yourself something, feel good about yourself, boost your confidence mate, c'mon. Own it, this is an opportunity people like me would die to get.

    -Anxiety is awful but i overtook it even when it creeps up, i know you can too. You have to atleast try and socialize with people, you can't let them do all the talking, invite people over etc
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    (Original post by jackien1)
    Hmmm, what an unfortunate situation you're in.

    Are your flatmates all also exchange students? Did they already know each other prior to this exchange or were you all new to each other?

    Is there a reason why you're not being invited to their outings?

    Does this mean you've not been to parties? The ones that your flatmates are going to. If this is the case, how about asking to go along the next time?

    Once you're at the party, there's no need to hang around your flatmate(s) and you can try to mingle with other people there. Someone from your course or something?
    Two of them are American, one of them is Asian on student exchange, and none of use knew each other before we arrived here. I've genuinely no idea what the reason is, I've never said anything bad to or about any of them.

    About 2 weeks ago, we threw our own party for about 15 people in total. Apparently about 40 people turned up in this tiny flat. I could hear them but I stayed in my room as I was terrified due to social anxiety. I explained it to them the next day and that I was hoping we'd do it again, but there hasn't been one and I haven't been invited to a single party since. The problem is I generally freeze up in social events like parties .

    Thanks a lot for your reply .
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Two of them are American, one of them is Asian on student exchange, and none of use knew each other before we arrived here. I've genuinely no idea what the reason is, I've never said anything bad to or about any of them.

    About 2 weeks ago, we threw our own party for about 15 people in total. Apparently about 40 people turned up in this tiny flat. I could hear them but I stayed in my room as I was terrified due to social anxiety. I explained it to them the next day and that I was hoping we'd do it again, but there hasn't been one and I haven't been invited to a single party since. The problem is I generally freeze up in social events like parties .

    Thanks a lot for your reply .
    So I'm guessing its the 2 americans that go out together and the asian that goes out with someone from the same living area.

    You could try bringing up the topic of hosting a party again to them.

    I understand your freezing up, I do it a ton too and I mostly just stand alone in a corner until I see someone I know or something.

    I'm not from the UK, I spent a year in the UK and I didn't make that many friends. Not to say I didn't have any, I just had very few. I was alone about 99% of the time I wasn't in school and I still came back having enjoyed my time there. I definitely understand you wanting to make friends and feeling left out is a horrible horrible feeling but this could kinda help you get used to being alone. Honestly, I feel like the time I spent alone helped me a lot? To get to know myself better and to figure out what kind of person I was.

    This might sound like a ton of BS but yeah.

    One thing I've read and have been trying out is the '3 seconds of insanity' thing. Count to 3 and just do it. You don't HAVE to do this, you shouldn't force yourself, but if getting to try new things and doing things you've never done before is something you want to do, then I'd suggest trying it.
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    (Original post by Ghaniza)
    Hey, firstly I'm sorry that this awesome opportunity is becoming a disappointment because of bad energy around you. By that i mean people.
    Just remember these are just people, soon you'll see that some people aren't as nice as they seem. Doesn't matter there are potential friends out there!

    - One advice is to straightforwardly approach them and ask them if they could invite you to places with them so that you get a better look at your surroundings and ask them why they're not inviting you.

    -Or not. I know what social anxiety can feel like, it's horrible, just remember that you're in this new country, you have a CHANCE to explore yourself, who you are as a person. You could be anyone you wanted to be. Try on some confidence, be spontaneous, go to a club, go to a park or somewhere with people and see where it takes you.
    - be random, this is a chance you might be telling your grandchildren one day, make the most of it.

    - Go shopping, buy yourself something, feel good about yourself, boost your confidence mate, c'mon. Own it, this is an opportunity people like me would die to get.

    -Anxiety is awful but i overtook it even when it creeps up, i know you can too. You have to atleast try and socialize with people, you can't let them do all the talking, invite people over etc
    I've tried to ask them to invite me next time but I just always get caught sudden and never get the nerves to do so, also I'm worried I'll come across as really desperate.

    I'd love to be confident but I just don't have the self-esteem or such for it. I try putting it on but it just fails then I fall back into a depressive circle. I could never go to a club on my own, I'd get far too nervous and I'm just not a fan of them anyway.

    I don't know anyone to invite over, everyone I know already lives with me, and they don't seem interested.

    Thanks for your reply and advice .
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    (Original post by jackien1)
    So I'm guessing its the 2 americans that go out together and the asian that goes out with someone from the same living area.

    You could try bringing up the topic of hosting a party again to them.

    I understand your freezing up, I do it a ton too and I mostly just stand alone in a corner until I see someone I know or something.

    I'm not from the UK, I spent a year in the UK and I didn't make that many friends. Not to say I didn't have any, I just had very few. I was alone about 99% of the time I wasn't in school and I still came back having enjoyed my time there. I definitely understand you wanting to make friends and feeling left out is a horrible horrible feeling but this could kinda help you get used to being alone. Honestly, I feel like the time I spent alone helped me a lot? To get to know myself better and to figure out what kind of person I was.

    This might sound like a ton of BS but yeah.

    One thing I've read and have been trying out is the '3 seconds of insanity' thing. Count to 3 and just do it. You don't HAVE to do this, you shouldn't force yourself, but if getting to try new things and doing things you've never done before is something you want to do, then I'd suggest trying it.
    Actually it's an American guy and the Asian guy who go out together, they stay in the same room (4 people to 2 rooms) so will know each other more, but today it was the other American and the Asian who went out. I was never asked, about anything.

    I brought up the idea of casually having a party again one time but nothing has happened on it.

    I see how you mean about how being alone can be a positive thing, but I've suffered this same problem since I was about 12 and to destroy my student exchange in the USA is a new all-time low in all this time. I abhor being left out and left on my own. The 3 second thing sounds interesting, I'll need to Google for it myself.

    Thanks a lot .
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've tried to ask them to invite me next time but I just always get caught sudden and never get the nerves to do so, also I'm worried I'll come across as really desperate.

    I'd love to be confident but I just don't have the self-esteem or such for it. I try putting it on but it just fails then I fall back into a depressive circle. I could never go to a club on my own, I'd get far too nervous and I'm just not a fan of them anyway.

    I don't know anyone to invite over, everyone I know already lives with me, and they don't seem interested.

    Thanks for your reply and advice .
    I know the feeling but you may not see these people again so just tell them that you want to meet new people at the party so 'invite me' so that you don't sound clingy.

    May i ask your gender, assuming guy?
    Oh don't worry haha who goes to the club on their own? I was hoping you would take them with you? Or new people you met.

    That's sad, why wouldn't they be? I guess they have settled into their own lives, what about the youth clubs or wherever you volunteer etc? Talk to someone or is there a leader?
    Tbh you sound like an introvert, which i am also so yh clubbing isn't exactly the best place. Museums? Art gallerias?
    - No worries I honestly understand your situation, i guess it can get lonely
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    (Original post by Ghaniza)
    I know the feeling but you may not see these people again so just tell them that you want to meet new people at the party so 'invite me' so that you don't sound clingy.

    May i ask your gender, assuming guy?
    Oh don't worry haha who goes to the club on their own? I was hoping you would take them with you? Or new people you met.

    That's sad, why wouldn't they be? I guess they have settled into their own lives, what about the youth clubs or wherever you volunteer etc? Talk to someone or is there a leader?
    Tbh you sound like an introvert, which i am also so yh clubbing isn't exactly the best place. Museums? Art gallerias?
    - No worries I honestly understand your situation, i guess it can get lonely
    It's true that I probably need to hint to them to ask me along, but I still get nervous and might feel I'm intruding.
    You're right that I'm a guy, I'm not sure how you knew but you're right regardless .

    I think they've effectively formed their groups already and I'm just not a part of it. For what reason though I've no idea.

    I can get really lonely indeed .

    Thanks for all your help though, it's really appreciated .
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's true that I probably need to hint to them to ask me along, but I still get nervous and might feel I'm intruding.
    You're right that I'm a guy, I'm not sure how you knew but you're right regardless .

    I think they've effectively formed their groups already and I'm just not a part of it. For what reason though I've no idea.

    I can get really lonely indeed .

    Thanks for all your help though, it's really appreciated .
    Lol i just assumed by your writing style, gave of a vibe so i assumed.
    Well i hope you settle in, get talking and enjoy your time in america.
    Have fun, take care and try and step out of your comfort zone
    Good luck
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    Can you make friends elsewhere? Sometimes you just don't click with flatmates but there are other people that you will have more in common with elsewhere.
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    (Original post by Ghaniza)
    Lol i just assumed by your writing style, gave of a vibe so i assumed.
    Well i hope you settle in, get talking and enjoy your time in america.
    Have fun, take care and try and step out of your comfort zone
    Good luck
    Thanks! You've been really helpful in all this! I'm trying to do things out of my comfort zone, unfortunately talking to people is still a major challenge.
    Thanks for your advice !
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    (Original post by somethingbeautiful)
    Can you make friends elsewhere? Sometimes you just don't click with flatmates but there are other people that you will have more in common with elsewhere.
    I've tried with people on my course but unfortunately all my classes are effectively lectures, so I have very little chances to say anything. I've signed up for Intra-Mural sports clubs but they don't start for another month. I was thinking about doing volunteering but I'll need to see how it works out.
    Thanks for your reply .
 
 
 
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