do i like my best friend, does she like me?

i'll try to keep this short but i've never been so confused in my life! i'm currently 18 and she's 17.we're both in college and we'll be going to different universities this summer.anyways about 2-3 years ago i started talking to this girl and we've been best mates for the past 2-3 years.she even comes to my college.when i first met her i didn't find her physically attractive and in fact there were things about her that even annoyed me, but we clicked and got on really well.now over the past year or so we've gone out with people that have hurt us and more recently we've been getting pretty close.we'll spend all day together in college, do something after college and talk most nights.even on weekends we meet up and go shopping, watch a film or something.since then i've become really attached to her and i think i'm starting to like her..i keep looking for signs that she likes me but i get mixed signals.for instance, she likes to meet up, talk on the phone and plays with her hair alot etc. but on the other hand, she won't stand that close to me and doesn't really flirt either.we asked each other how good looking we think they are, and she wouldn't say anything other than "i think you're good looking".i get the urge to say something, because if she felt the same it would just be amazing.i really don't know if i should just leave it and go to uni or say something soon? i'm scared that she'll say that she just wants to be mates because i know it would be really awkward after that, and i'm 70-80% sure thats how she feels.maybe its only because i'm single at the moment,when i was with someone i never looked at her like this.argh what am i gonna do, any help would be greatly appreciated,especially from any girls!

Reply 1

fudge77

ooooo thats a tough one! You have to be very careful as you dont want to ruin the friendship, however there is only one way of finding out. Gd luck and b careful how you put it. :smile:

Reply 2

badboii

oooh damn.whats mean to be will be-go with the flow.badboii

Reply 3

latot

My friend - this is the EXACT same thing that I went through last year.. only I didn't know her for very long, we instantly clicked and became best friends within weeks.. otherwise it's the exact same as you.. we hung out, talked a lot, she played with her etc - I did the same as you, I looked for signals but there were no sure-fire ones.

I decided I would tell her how I felt.. and although it blew over quite quickly (or so I thought) things on the outside seemed okay. It was only much later that I found out she found it VERY awkward to be around me and had avoided me on numerous ocassions.

Later I found out she did like me (but not until long after I told her how I felt) - but she didn't say anything because she didn't want to ruin the friendship. Once I had found out that she felt for me all my feeligns for her came back stronger than ever.. and I tried to pursue it.. that made matters much much worse..

I had never been more worried/scared in my life - I almost lost the best thing to ever happen to me, we fell out for a while, things became EXTREMELY awkward (even though by this stage I had moved off to uni) and it stayed like that for a while.

Things now, however, ahven never been better - but I get the feeling she feels awkward mentioning relationships around me (although less so recently).

Sorry it was a long post - but perhaps this will give you a little insight into matters. It's actually a LOT more complex than how I stated (I could write a book on it lol) - so if you want you can PM me.

In short: keep it to yourself for a while.. if you do notice some hints then possibly bring it up, but don't make a big deal out of it.

Hope this helps.

Reply 4

jonnyq

I've been in a similar situation. You say you are both going to different unis, so I would just tell her how you feel - what have you got to lose? Oh yeah, your friendship... But still, it's better to know for sure if she likes you than to regret never asking. If she doesn't feel the same way you can move on, which will get a lot easier when you go to uni.

Or you could do that whole get drunk with her thing, and test the waters. Not that I advocate underage drinking...

Reply 5

Nix!

11

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Reply 6

ISH

9

badboii

oooh damn.whats mean to be will be-go with the flow.badboii

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seriously... what?

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

picture yourself as the girl in question.would you feel uncomfortable and awkward around me afterwards? maybe i should say something just before uni, least we can move go seperate ways then

Reply 8

shunter7634

9

Anonymous

picture yourself as the girl in question.would you feel uncomfortable and awkward around me afterwards? maybe i should say something just before uni, least we can move go seperate ways then

But on the flip side of that coin, you leave it to just before uni and you realise she did feel the same way, and that it could have been so much more. No time left. I know someone who was in a very similar situation, and they rue the fact that they left it so close (and by so close, i mean 5-6 months) to going to uni.

But, there's risks involved, as with everything in life. You'll just have to bite the bullet.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

i can't do this anymore, why can't i like another girl, why does it have to be my best friend.thank you guys for all your help though.iv taken it on board..one of the signs against this is that she always tells me when she thinks a guy is propa fit and will bring it up several times, but then she gives me random txts just seeing what im upto-like i'd do if i liked a girl.oh well

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

A couple of years ago one of my best guy friends (im female) really fancied me for years, and I didn't realise it until we'd had a couple of drinks and he came up to me and kissed me. It was then that I realised that I liked him too. We got together and were a couple for quite a while.
Try it if you have the confidence!

Reply 11

shewantstobeme

10

eeeeee about two months ago i was in that exact situation with my best mate who was a guy!
we'd spend evenings together, talk all the time, go shopping, blahblahblah. you basically described the situation already.
it happened with us by our mates basically telling both of us that we should get together, which made us talk about our real feelings. then, over the period of about 4-6weeks we really gradually made the transition from best mates to boyfriend and girlfriend.
started off buy cuddling together on the sofa when we watched films, and gradually you find yourself having 'moments' (like... when you should kiss but you don't, and it's just a 'moment') and then after a while we kissed. and that kiss was when we decided to make it official.
i'd say see what your mates think, it'll get the ball rolling a bit by making you justify how you feel to those around you, who can offer you feedback based on how they percieve your relationship!
good luck :biggrin:

Reply 12

Anonymous #3

Oh dear, does this sort of thing happen to everyone? Ok, my story is slightly different. I started talking to this guy on msn, he was at university at the time. Towards christmas he told me that he did not have access to the internet at his house, so we exchanged numbers. He'd text me and I'd text back. I had liked him from before, but I did not want to ruin the friendship that we had. Luckily enough he dropped hints and I responded. It grew bigger and bigger and we started to talk on the phone..about various things. Then things began to get serious,like having phone sex and things like that, we just took it as a bit of fun, but then eventually, we both admitted knew that we liked each other. He started calling me really sweet names and saying how much he likes me. Then it finally happened, he didn't ask me out, and nor did I ask him out, it just happened and we started calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I am still with him right now and we are as happy as can be. Sometimes you have to take risks, because if you never try, you'll never know what could have happened, had you tried. Good luck OP.

Reply 13

latot

jonnyq

...what have you got to lose? Oh yeah, your friendship... But still, it's better to know for sure if she likes you than to regret never asking. If she doesn't feel the same way you can move on, which will get a lot easier when you go to uni...

Losing a 2-3 year old friendship - especially one as strong-sounding as this IS quite a big deal. In my case- yeah I would have regretted not asking; but not as much as I would have if I had lost the friendship. One night just before I went off to uni EVERYTHING came out, and she was crying, and that was the first night I stopped having feelings for her - I was soo afraid of losing her as a friend, it really put things in perspective for me. If I had have lost her as a friend then I honestly don't know how I would've coped.

Sure people say that you meet your real friends when you go to university, that you move on from your previous friends.. not true at all - not with strong friendships.

OP

i can't do this anymore, why can't i like another girl, why does it have to be my best friend.

I used to ask myself that all the time - and I'm afraid to break it to you, but there's no answer to it - and no way to help it either.. it's something you're just gonna have to endure.

Reply 14

King Hippo

9

Anonymous

Oh dear, does this sort of thing happen to everyone? Ok, my story is slightly different. I started talking to this guy on msn, he was at university at the time. Towards christmas he told me that he did not have access to the internet at his house, so we exchanged numbers. He'd text me and I'd text back. I had liked him from before, but I did not want to ruin the friendship that we had. Luckily enough he dropped hints and I responded. It grew bigger and bigger and we started to talk on the phone..about various things. Then things began to get serious,like having phone sex and things like that, we just took it as a bit of fun, but then eventually, we both admitted knew that we liked each other. He started calling me really sweet names and saying how much he likes me. Then it finally happened, he didn't ask me out, and nor did I ask him out, it just happened and we started calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I am still with him right now and we are as happy as can be. Sometimes you have to take risks, because if you never try, you'll never know what could have happened, had you tried. Good luck OP.

Wait a minute though, you have actually met this guy, am I right?

Reply 15

Anonymous #4

Notice OP how all the people suggesting that you should not tell her how you feel are other guys. As a girl, I am saying do. I don't think her not flirting/not standing too close thing is anything to go by at all. Often when I really fancy someone I stand quite a distance apart from them as I feel shy and overly self-conscious around them. I definitely think that you should tell her or at least hint. If you feel to nervous doing that then ask her to go out with you for a drink or over to your house and just bring up the topic of whether you would work as a couple casually, like in a jokey way. See what she says. Good luck and tell us what happens! Very curious xx

Reply 16

oblivious

13

in a word, NO. <self proclaimed relationship guru>

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

well i've just got off the phone to her, after about 3-4hours.we were just talking about relationships and things and i asked what she'd think of me if she just met me randomly.she said she liked me at first and i said likewise.i asked if she gets the feeling i like her and she said no.we didnt tlk about US though,but we both said we'd miss each other at uni and she said-yeh but i'll still tlk to u on the phone and come visit you down in birmingham..how does this all sound?

Reply 18

jonnyq

In my opinion, it sounds like she just wants to be friends, although you didn't directly tell her that you had feelings for her. I think you dropped enough hints though.

Things didn't work out for me either, but she always knew I had feelings for her, I made it obvious. Also, you probably only like her because of all the time your spending together and I'm guessing it's more of an infatuation.

Don't worry though, with time your feelings for her will die down. Meeting other girls also helps.

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

OP

yeh i did drop loads of hints and she just said "aww" after them all.im really thankful for everyones help-i've decided im just going to keep it as best fwends :smile:

do i like my best friend, does she like me?

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