Is this unfair treatment?

She's probably reading this as we speak...

I feel like my mother is so horrid to me. I'm 19 and I'm taking a gap year, our relationship during this year has gone from quite bad to awful. The problems this year have always existed between us but now I'm on a year out, I'm spending a lot more time with her (she's a house wife so she's always at home) so things have exploded. She is always putting me down by saying that I'm a loser and that I'm mentally ill, she's always saying that and she never gives me a chance. She does things like open my letters and listen to my phonecalls and when I confront her about it she says she's only doing it for my own good because I can't be trusted and I must be up to something. She also follows me around when I'm out with friends and says that's for my own good too. I remember last year when I was 18, I went out to a party and, maybe this is just me, but I feel really confident when I wear new underwear so I wore some to the party. When I got home I could sense something was up and when I got to my room my mum was waiting for me, she started calling me a whore and said that she'd sent my dad to wait outside the building so that he could try and see what was going on. She'd actually noticed what underwear I had selected from my draw and jumped to the conclusion that I was probably gonna have sex with someone that night. She wouldn't believe me when I told her it wasn't true and the irony is that I'm actually still a virgin and I've never been drunk or done drugs but she treats me like a monster who needs to be monitored at all times. It really gets me down that she treats me like this, I never know what I've done wrong. I hear from some of my friends how close they are to their mothers and I wish I could be like that but it's as if she doesn't want to be my friend. She often compares me to my other friends and says she wishes I were more like them. What can I do to change this situation? When I try talking to her she won't listen and if I try to say anything against her she says I'm mad and twisted.

She sounds a lot like my mum... but now that I'm at uni, I can do anything I want, have as much sex as I want, and buy tons of sexy lingerie without having to worry about her. The only solution is for you to move out. Are you planning on starting uni this September?

Yes, I'm going to Manchester next year

I've talked to my dad about it but he never does anything. He's realllllly submissive although he does say that it's unfair of her to open my letters (he doesn't tell my mum that though). I have four younger siblings but it seems to be me she picks on the most, she's always saying that when I go to university I'll have a nervous breakdown because I'll never cope in the outside world. I try and believe in myself and I tell her that what she says isn't true but she insists that she's right.

I guess that all these things she is saying about you not coping etc. are actually her feelings. She is the one who is coming apart, because you are going to move out. Whatever scenes she might make, you will have to go through with leaving home when the time comes. I am sure not visiting for at least 4 weeks in the beginning might be helpful. Then you will be able to start and think about what YOU want.

About snooping in your private things: I would put my foot down there. If she goes on doing it, how about opening one of her letters? It will certainly not be easy since she seems to be overbearing, but my advice is that you will have to grit your teeth and show her just how much you resent this intrusion into your life.

Sounds a bit . . stalkerish to me. At least you don't have to put up with it for too much longer . . . Do you think she may pick on another sibling next?

why on earth does she think you're mentally unstable? thats awful! it sounds to me like shes the one who is mentally unstable, and im not joking!

i was actually quite shocked to read that, and shes pretty lucky that you havent gone off the rails as a result of her behaviour!

is there any way you could get a relative or someone close to the family to intervene? or do you have someone else you could stay with for a while?