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    I started writing in my spare time and this is what I've come up with so far.

    I was seated next to Hope on the plane. We were on our honeymoon to Israel to visit the ancient city of Petra, as a gift to each other.We both love archeology, in way, that was one of the things that brought Hope and I together. We met at high school in Glasgow and I fell head over heels for her immediately. I always tried to find the right words to describe her, but nothing ever fit her. She was so perfect, sitting down reading her novel with her perfect shoulder long wavy blond hair and her small lips mouthing the words was equally as perfect yet her best feature in my opinion are her eyes; a vivid colour of blue and green, it was like watching the norther lights every time she looked at me. She leaned towards me and her skin was just like Egyptian cotton, soft and silky, melting me under her touch. I could go on forever describing her features and probably even longer explaining the way she made me feel, but I will spare you the torture. After our plane journey we had to get on a bus to our hotel. The city was hot, after all it was the dessert. Thankfully Hope and I found seats in the bus before it got extremely crowded, sweaty bodies pressed against each other all around us. I tried to take my mind off the heat by talking to Hope about our plans ahead. I was just lost in her eyes when the bus screeched to a stop, launching the passengers who were standing forward. Outside the window the sky was just getting dark. Looking down at my watch I noticed it was still set to the wrong time zone. I laughed at myself for being so absent minded. Hope giggled besides me and showed me her watch, it was only half past seven. The bus was meant to arrive at midnight so the stop wasn't scheduled. I began to wonder if something was wrong, but the conductor did not seem to leave his seat. I looked back out of the window, half expecting to see something frightening but instead I was just greeted by sand, and lots of it, with the exception of a few cacti. I wrapped my arm around hope and held her tight, making sure she knew she felt safe. The bus choked back to life and launched forward, outside the window I noticed something move. Hope giggled and assured me it was probably just my imagination. She kissed me on the cheek and put my head on her lap. I closed my eyes and felt myself drift into a slumber. The rays of the sun woke me from my nap, besides me Hope slept peacefully. I smiled and kissed her forehead, reminding myself how lucky I was. The sun shining into the bus made the interior visible for the first time since I came on. I noticed the seats were unbelievably decayed yet extremely comfortable. They were a really awful beige colour. Looking around I noticed the bus was half empty, most of the other passengers seemed to have already disembarked the bus. Our hotel was the last stop. The only view from the window was sand, sand and more sand. There was about the same number of cactuses as there are bins in Glasgow. A sense of disappointment rushed over me, Where was all the wildlife we were promised? The only thing close to wild I had seen so far was a dead squirrel .

    We arrived in Petra later than we had expected. We had barely stepped down from the bus when a rush of hot air hit us like a tide. We ran about like little children in a theme park taking in all the sights of the great sand city. The beauty of each individual carved rock and the amazing attention to detail was overwhelming. We were here in the city of our dreams. We stood in-front of a massive monastery. Our eyes pooping like they would in zero gravity. The sun was beginning to set now casting our shadows across the desert. We woke up in the hotel room the next morning with plans to go and see the museum. I had also contacted one of my friends from university, Tim, who had agreed to meet us and show us his latest discovery. Our excitement flowed like drinks at a bachelor party. All I talked about was meeting my friend, Tim, whom I hadn't seen in quite some time. I was in the toilet getting ready to leave when I noticed a bird perched on the window. It cheerfully chirped to me. I tried to shoo it away but he didnt even flinch at my attempts. It was a dark brown colour and its beak was yellow. There was two unusual things I noticed about the bird; first was the red powder around its talons, it was like powder paint. The second unusual thing was it's eyes, they were as black and empty as a black hole. Birds have never been my strong suit in a topic of conversation but this birds eyes werent what I would call common, it seemed like it's soul had been sucked out through it’s eyes. I felt a strange sensation flow down to my gut, the way the bird was watching me sent shivers down my spine. My train of thought was interrupted by a baging on the door. Hope wanted to know if I was okay. I looked back at window but the bird was no longer there. The museum was only three hundred yards from the hotel room but it was the longest three hundred yards of my life. Every step I took was altered by someone would bumping into me. It was just like one big pinball machine and I happened to be the ball. To make matters worse, we kept getting assaulted by vendors trying to sell us all kinds of things. One of them even asked me if I wanted sunglasses while clearly being aware that I was wearing some. After we had navigated the minefield of vendors and the army of pedestrians we finally arrived at the entrance of the museum. The building was made out of red limestone and the roof was a greyish tile.The word Petra was hung in big bright fluorescent tubes above us like and eagle commanding the sky. People were still bumping and banging into us. ”Bloody locals“ I murmured.

    The interior of the museum was even more amazing than the exterior. The walls were curved upwards leading to a giant glass dome about one hundred feet up. There were display cases littered about like toys in a child’s room. It was obvious that much planning had gone into this museum. We spent little time looking into the displays and more time looking for Tim. I heard someone call my name from behind me and I wheeled around to see Tim. He wore blue t-shirt which brought out his blue eyes, along with khaki shorts. His dark skin blended in with the crowd so well. Tim was a big man in his late twenties but he looked about fifty. He had lots of wrinkles along his forehead which were shaded by his dark brown hair. I quickly introduced Hope to Tim and they said hello to each other. Tim then took us to his car. After a few short minutes we came upon what seemed like a cave. We all got out of the car and followed Tim, he stood in front of the large hole beaming with pride. Tim had explained during the car ride that he had found a tomb and wanted to show us, this made the hairs on my arm raise with excitement. I looked into the hole and immediately had second thoughts. It was pitch black. I took Hope’s hand in mine and gave is a reassuring squeeze.

    Tim gave each of us a torch a led the way into the darkness. We were entering a black hole, quite literally, I was thankful for the torches. I could barely see my feet which made the journey to the tomb was not at all entertaining. After what seemed like a year we entered into what I realized was the tomb. The room was made of gold and the only thing in the room was a sarcophagus which laid in the middle of the room. The tomb was lit up by the workers who had discovered it with Tim. The sarcophagus seemed to command the air around it which made me shiver. From the writing on the walls and the sarcophagus my intuition told me it was probably from Egypt. I could not be more accurate without more detail which this tomb seemed to be lacking. It was really different from a normal Egyptian tomb.Tim started to open the sarcophagus and I started praying in Spanish. Not that I was religious or even Spanish but people do weird things when they're scared. Tim got the lid off and I immediately jumped in fright. I tip toed to see inside and the thing that was looking back at me was out of this world. I imagined meeting this guy in a dark ally-way and began to feel shivers down my spine. His whole body except for his face was wrapped up in linen. His face was extremely disturbing. His bottom jaw was distorted yet one eye still intact. I turned away as I felt sick. Tim then decided to drive us to our hotel room.

    Hope had made lunch for us when there was a loud, knock at the door. To my surprise a policeman was standing on the other side of the door. He was in a green uniform. More like a military uniform but he flashed me his badge and asked me to go to the mortuary with him to help him identify a body. I didnt want to put too much thought into it but something told me it was Tim, I shaked my head, hoping to also shake the thoughts. I got a bit upset but agreed in little hope that they had gotten the person mixed up and Tim was okay. Hope waited at the hotel for me to come back. The inside of the mortuary looked more like a government testing lab than a morgue. There was a single metal table in the middle of the room and a heavy prison like door to my left. The only other door was the glass one we had just entered through. The policeman started opening the body bag on top of the table. I could see Tim's brown hair peeking out of the top. My stomach began to turn and I started to feel sick again. Tim's face was half eaten he was missing an ear and an eye. I couldn't hold back the nausea, leaning forward I threw up Hopes lunch on the white linoleum floor. It was a few seconds before I could regain composure but a loud thud caused me to turn around in a frantic panic. The policeman had collapsed on the floor. I started losing my vision and tried frantically to find someone to help but to no avail. I fell to the floor and watched as my vision was overrun by a black void.

    I woke up with a headache, the smell of puke infecting my nose again, I could barely remember what happened or where I was. I noticed a body bag and recalled everything that happened, when I stood I realized Tim was no longer inside it. There was a trail of blood leading out of the way the policeman and I came in. I followed where the blood trail started and it had been exactly where the policeman collapsed, yet his body was nowhere to be found either. ’Oh god‘ I kept thinking, ’Oh god. Oh god. Oh god’ What the hell happened when I passed out? Suddenly, I heard a moan coming from behind me. I quickly turned round to locate the sound of the noise and was met with the slightly ajar metal door. I froze. Staring. Unable to move. The moaning noise came again, closer. It's sound was horrible a low, loud moan. It sounded like a heavy boat engine trying to start. I tried to look into the black space beond the door but i couldn't see by the black hole that consumed the area. I turned round slowly. Trying to make as little noise as possible so as to not attract that.. that thing.

    The paragraphs didn't work out on this for some reason. Please let me know what you think. It's not for everyone and if it's not for you then let me know. Thank you for taking your time to read this.

    EDIT: I tried to add some paragraphs to make it easier to read but i don't know how that went.
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    didnt read but nice read
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    afraid i'll only read a little as i struggle without paragraphs. i write in my free time too btw (:

    (Original post by sgwsmith)
    I was seated next to Hope on the plane. We were on our honeymoon to Israel to visit the ancient city of Petra, as a gift to each other.We both love archeology, in way, that was one of the things that brought Hope and I together. We met at high school in Glasgow and I fell head over heels for her immediately. I always tried to find the right words to describe her, but nothing ever fit her. She was so perfect, sitting down reading her novel with her perfect shoulder long wavy blond hair and her small lips mouthing the words was equally as perfect yet her best feature in my opinion are her eyes; a vivid colour of blue and green, it was like watching the norther lights every time she looked at me.
    i like this, it's really cute! this is a great start and you describe well.

    however i feel like you've jumped straight into the plot without describing the surroundings and who the protag is? your reader is reading this from hope's partner's perspective, but they need to know who they are?

    also you used perfect twice close together: She was so perfect, sitting down reading her novel with her perfect shoulder long wavy blond hair and her small lips mouthing the words was equally as perfect

    try using http://www.thesaurus.com/ !

    here's how i would personally do it, not saying my style is perfect or anything, this is just for some motivation (:

    The cramped plane brought us closer, and for that I was glad, as I felt at home by Hope's side. My fingers tapped impatiently on the arm rest on my right hand side as I patiently ran over our plans in my head: we were on our honeymoon to Israel, to visit the glorious, ancient city of Petra, chosen due to our mutual love of archaeology.

    We jointly loved each other as much as we loved the mysteries that the Earth held, as in a way, that was one of the things that brought Hope and I together. I will never forget the way her eyes met mine as I walked into that excavation lesson in the historical city of Glasgow. The perfect city for us to meet in, I mused.

    I glanced over to where she sat by my side, and her head was lowered as she silently read her book. I took the time to bask in her presence, and the beauty of it all, the way her long, golden hair fell and shimmered in the light, and the way she subconsciously mouthed the words as she read them, I wondered how such perfection existed.

    Although, if I had to pick one quality, it would be her eyes.

    When I gazed into her eyes, it was as if I was stood on an Icelandic plain and gazing at the Northern Lights. The vivid hues of blues and greens drew me in everytime our eyes met, and always, I felt like I had been transported back to that first moment we had met.
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    (Original post by DannyDualscar)
    afraid i'll only read a little as i struggle without paragraphs. i write in my free time too btw (:



    i like this, it's really cute! this is a great start and you describe well.

    however i feel like you've jumped straight into the plot without describing the surroundings and who the protag is? your reader is reading this from hope's partner's perspective, but they need to know who they are?

    also you used perfect twice close together: She was so perfect, sitting down reading her novel with her perfect shoulder long wavy blond hair and her small lips mouthing the words was equally as perfect

    try using http://www.thesaurus.com/ !

    here's how i would personally do it, not saying my style is perfect or anything, this is just for some motivation (:

    The cramped plane brought us closer, and for that I was glad, as I felt at home by Hope's side. My fingers tapped impatiently on the arm rest on my right hand side as I patiently ran over our plans in my head: we were on our honeymoon to Israel, to visit the glorious, ancient city of Petra, chosen due to our mutual love of archaeology.

    We jointly loved each other as much as we loved the mysteries that the Earth held, as in a way, that was one of the things that brought Hope and I together. I will never forget the way her eyes met mine as I walked into that excavation lesson in the historical city of Glasgow. The perfect city for us to meet in, I mused.

    I glanced over to where she sat by my side, and her head was lowered as she silently read her book. I took the time to bask in her presence, and the beauty of it all, the way her long, golden hair fell and shimmered in the light, and the way she subconsciously mouthed the words as she read them, I wondered how such perfection existed.

    Although, if I had to pick one quality, it would be her eyes.

    When I gazed into her eyes, it was as if I was stood on an Icelandic plain and gazing at the Northern Lights. The vivid hues of blues and greens drew me in everytime our eyes met, and always, I felt like I had been transported back to that first moment we had met.
    I did plan on adding a forestory and like i said it's the first draft haha lots of changed needed. I thank you for your help though its good to hear or read. I love what you wrote So nice and well written. Much appreciated. Also good to hear other people write too none of my friends do its a little personal thing of mine.
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    My eyes, can't, do it.
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    Welcome Squad
    (Original post by sgwsmith)
    I started writing in my spare time and this is what I've come up with so far.

    I was seated next to Hope on the plane. We were on our honeymoon to Israel to visit the ancient city of Petra, as a gift to each other.We both love archeology, in a way, that was one of the things that brought Hope and I together. We met at high school in Glasgow and I fell head over heels for her immediately. I always tried to find the right words to describe her, but nothing ever fit her. She was so perfect, sitting down reading her novel with her immaculate / beautiful / shiny shoulder length wavy blond hair, and her small lips mouthing the words were equally as perfect, yet her best feature in my opinion are are or were? You use were in every other part of this paragraph, so to use are here is inconsistent her eyes; a vivid colour of blue and green, it was like watching the northern lights every time she looked at me. She leaned towards me and her skin was just like Egyptian cotton, soft and silky, melting me under her touch. I could go on forever describing her features and probably even longer explaining the way she made me feel, but I will spare you the torture. After our plane journey we had to get on a bus to our hotel. The city was hot, after all it was the dessert. Thankfully Hope and I found seats in the bus before it got extremely crowded; sweaty bodies pressed against each other all around us. I tried to take my mind off the heat by talking to Hope about our plans ahead. I was *lost in her eyes when the bus screeched to a stop, launching the passengers who were standing forward. Outside the window the sky was just getting dark. Looking down at my watch I noticed it was still set to the wrong time zone. I laughed at myself for being so absent minded. Hope giggled beside* me and showed me her watch; it was only half past seven. The bus was meant to arrive at midnight so the stop wasn't scheduled. I began to wonder if something was wrong, but the conductor did not seem to leave his seat. I looked back out of the window, half expecting to see something frightening but instead I was just greeted by sand, and lots of it, with the exception of a few cacti. I wrapped my arm around Hope and held her tight, making sure she knew she felt safe. The bus choked back to life and launched forward. Outside the window I noticed something move. Hope giggled and assured me it was probably just my imagination. She kissed me on the cheek and put my head on her lap. I closed my eyes and felt myself drift into a slumber. The rays of the sun woke me from my nap, beside* me Hope slept peacefully. I smiled and kissed her forehead, reminding myself how lucky I was. The sun shining into the bus made the interior visible for the first time since I boarded. I noticed the seats were unbelievably decayed yet extremely comfortable. They were a really awful beige colour. Looking around I noticed the bus was half empty, most of the other passengers seemed to have already disembarked the bus. Our hotel was the last stop. The only view from the window was sand, sand and more sand. There was about the same number of cactuses as there are bins in Glasgow. A sense of disappointment rushed over me, Where was all the wildlife we were promised? The only thing close to wild I had seen so far was a dead squirrel .
    A brief look through your first paragraph. Check you haven't left letters off the end of words, check you have capitalised all Hs at the beginning of Hope. Some of your sentences are really long so have a look at those.
    You have a habit of using besides instead of beside in sentences where besides wouldn't make sense. Someone can't sit besides someone else, they sit beside them. Watch out for that.
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    i thought Petra was in Jordan
 
 
 
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