Gossip, who dates who, flirting assitance, etc.

Is it really mandatory in normal friendships (or, generally, among friendly circles) to talk about other people, especially concerning such topics as "who dates who", "how to flirt this girl/guy" and other "relationship/romantic topics" that aren't even their own business?

Is it considered unsocial not to participate in such gossiping?

I'm a person who, throughout his life, met many people and also like meeting many people.
But my true friends have probably been few and I can say that each time I enter a new group of people I notice the following pattern:
In the beginning everyone is friendly, without preconceptions, and everyone relates to me with the attention of a friend (probably because I always show my genuine interest towards everyone present, and talk a bit like a tv moderator or a comedian).
But as days pass, this strong initial empathy decreases until, a few weeks later, the connection with all people is reset to the status of acquaintanceship.

I'm wondering whether this is somehow due to the fact that despite my extrovertion and comparatively high social activity, I dislike engaging in conversations about the topics I listed above.

When I'm among other guys and they start talking about girls, I dissociate.
When I'm with some people and they start talking about other people who aren't present (but belong to the group, e.g. are in the same class), I dissociate.

I either find it disrespectful towards the people not present, or I find it pointless... because talking, talking, talking leads to nowhere anyway.

I like talking about business, science, philosophy, travel experiences. I like debating.

But why discuss about other people's relationships?
Why talk about how to get this or that girl?
Does it have any purpose?

I don't like it when everyone says "haha, that guy [not present in the conversation] is a real dick!" or "that chick is a real *****!"
Everyone discusses in agreement... sometimes without even knowing well the persons they are talking about.

I simply don't want to join such conversations that might compromise my future attitude/relationship towards persons that are not present.

My question is: are such conversations essential to maintain a normal social friendliness?

Reply 1

Nix!

No.

Only gays and women 'gossip'. Blokes grunt and role-play sex with pillowcases.

Reply 2

goodmen

lads talk about what they did with who and how you can get so and so all the time aswell so dont even bother saying they dont

Reply 3

jo_ukcrew03

Nix!

No.

Only gays and women 'gossip'. Blokes grunt and role-play sex with pillowcases.

dude..................At least put a pillow in the pillowcase.

to the OP, I shouldn't encourage or discourage you from joining into these conversations,however, the normal rule is that you shouldn't say anything that you can't say in front of the person you are talking abt. Taking the piss out of them in front of them is funny but when done iin private without the person's knowledge is .........well kinda bad as you will go beyond your limit and say things that you may not have said, had the person been there in front of you! Later you might even get blamed for stirring things when you 'aint doone nothing' :wink:

Reply 4

Yoda

Generally its girls who gossip, and guys who chat about other things. Though I'd say you sound a little extreme about bitching about other people. Sure, what you say is right, but it sounds to me like you're hearing someone else's name mentioned and just putting that conversation in the "bitching" column and just walking off.

Also, you said you like debating and talking about business and stuff? What the ****? Sure, a small debate occasionally or whatever is cool, but that shouldn't be the main topic all the time. Damn, that sounds hella boring.

Really, my advice is just take everything a lot less seriously. Talking about someone else could be making fun of the bitching culture. Or making fun of one of the people present, while the other you're "gossiping" about clearly wouldn't be bothered.

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