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    My ex and I broke up last year after a ridiculously intense relationship, albeit a relatively short one (my first). I loved her more than anything and felt emotions I had never experienced previously. We ended up going away to college, agreeing to make it work but she got together with another guy after just two weeks. During our time together she had called me "soulmate", had spoken of our future and our children and had apparently written such things in her diary (I didn't read it), so I believe she believed it...

    Following the advice of coach Corey Wayne, I avoided showing weakness during the break up and simply left it at, "if you change your mind, you know where I am", although we are 4 hours away from one another now. She contacted me occasionally over the next few months and I briefly responded so as not to seem bitter (she knew I had seen her messages). After a few months of seeing the guy she had left me for, she said that she missed me etc. I told her that I wanted to avoid contact as it was hurting me and removed her from social media, which she said had really hurt her.

    A few months later, she found out that I had had a car accident and immediately called me to ask how I was. I didn't pick up but eventually responded to a text. We ended up chatting over the next few days and then met up over Easter. It was fairly awkward but acceptable.

    I then didn't hear from her for months.

    Recently she messaged me out of the blue and asked to go for a drive. I found her to be hugely apologetic for no apparent reason. She explained how much I had meant to her, but that going away to uni had distracted and changed her priorities, that she had got absorbed by it and ignored her obligation to me due to insecurity and desiring male attention. OK.

    We slept together that night, and the over the next few days she messaged me consistently, her saying it felt like old times. She said 'for heaven's sake this is confusing' and 'I'm not sure how to feel/think', 'I can't believe what happened' etc. Strangely, on the night, she said she had been seeing a guy for about 6 months, but they had called it quits over summer. She still called him a potential, but then said she wasn't sure she wanted a relationship with anyone. I know that she was seeing him when she saw me over Easter and has been messaging him constantly over the Summer. After her few days of confused messaging she then stopped and invited him to visit her over the weekend. She called what had happened 'extreme nostalgia' and said 'i don't want to get back into a relationship'.

    What is she playing at!?
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    I should add that she probably didn't sleep with this guy at uni, but almost certainly did something innappropirate - who ends up in a guy's bed but does nothing? I still very much care about her and would love to have her back in my life, although only in a relationship sense.
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    To be honest Anon, i'd stay away from her. Im no expert at relationships as i've had little or none but she seems to be playing you around alot. If she loved you as much as she said she did before you both left for college/uni, she would of made it work and you both would of been togeather no matter the distance. I'd suggest moving on if i was you, although its is your first she doesnt seem to be the type of person to be trusted when more cards are added to the table if you catch my drift. If she is madly in love with you at one point, but decides to get with another person when the chance arrives she's trash. Hope this helped
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    She sounds like she has no idea what she wants and you don't deserve to be messed around.
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    (Original post by CptConnor)
    To be honest Anon, i'd stay away from her. Im no expert at relationships as i've had little or none but she seems to be playing you around alot. If she loved you as much as she said she did before you both left for college/uni, she would of made it work and you both would of been togeather no matter the distance. I'd suggest moving on if i was you, although its is your first she doesnt seem to be the type of person to be trusted when more cards are added to the table if you catch my drift. If she is madly in love with you at one point, but decides to get with another person when the chance arrives she's trash. Hope this helped
    Thanks for your reply

    As it happens, I see a counsellor for other reasons and we have discussed this on occasion. The counsellor suggests that my ex genuinely seemed to care deeply at the time - as confirmed by the fact that she said such intense things about me to friends etc. but due to her lack of self-esteem, lack of boundaries, and need to be accepted by the people around her, she cheated.


    (Original post by bumblebee342)
    She sounds like she has no idea what she wants and you don't deserve to be messed around.
    In agreement with this ^ I think she's often struggled to know what she wants in life etc. In terms of this new guy, I think she was undecided. Perhaps the fact that she got closure with me and then invited him to stay suggests that she has made her choice...
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    She was using you as a rebound. I'm really sorry, that's what comes across from reading that - you don't deserve to be treated like that. It sounds like when she split with that other guy she wanted to re-bound and you were the perfect option because she knew she could get you. Cut her out of your life, block her phone number/change yours. She sounds horrible, using people and messing them around like that. You're better off without her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She was using you as a rebound. I'm really sorry, that's what comes across from reading that - you don't deserve to be treated like that. It sounds like when she split with that other guy she wanted to re-bound and you were the perfect option because she knew she could get you. Cut her out of your life, block her phone number/change yours. She sounds horrible, using people and messing them around like that. You're better off without her.
    After splitting from this guy at uni? I would agree but she said they had been hanging out again and things were better with him. She even went to stay with him several hours away the weekend before.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She was using you as a rebound. I'm really sorry, that's what comes across from reading that - you don't deserve to be treated like that. It sounds like when she split with that other guy she wanted to re-bound and you were the perfect option because she knew she could get you. Cut her out of your life, block her phone number/change yours. She sounds horrible, using people and messing them around like that. You're better off without her.
    Plus, I don't think it was planned - she was genuinely confused afterwards - just passed my house and thought of me as a result.

    What I don't understand is why she slept with me
 
 
 
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