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Why am I like this?
I live at my parents house am 20 and my dad just said im living a life of luxury and called me a sad bastard. I suppose I am but I don't really want to be. What annoys me more than anything is the lack of respect he has for me he wouldn't dream of saying anything like that to my mum if he is mad with her he goes round the house muttering 'bastard' under his breath. Same with my cousin he is in the same position same age and he 's all nice with him they go to the pub etc and have a laugh, then he calls him not to his face in front of my mum. I suppose everyone is like that though its just natural to be very critical of your own daughter and not with others.
This is my past history if you don't wanna read just skip to the next paragraph lol.
Anyway I left college at 18 with average grades, or maybe below average lol, and got a job in a food factory but freaked out within 15 minutes and lost consciousness, im just so weird I know I couldn't take the environment. After this I started having panic attacks, had a few jobs and went to uni but quit everything. I was scared of eating certain foods as it made me feel anxious and I was scared of being sick I was just in a really bad strange frame of mind. I did littrelly nothing for a year except stay in bed most of the day and be up all night, my parents were constantly calling me every night and Id go upstairs crying in self pity it was the same thing over and over again. Anyway I started doing voluntary work on a hospital ward for 3 days a week for 6 months cause its not like a job where you can't leave when you want to or if you feel ill. I started doing a healthcare course at college too I still panic and go into weird moods but am still doing it.
The thing that caused tonights argument is that Ive been ripped off on ebay and my dad said well were not getting you out of it you stupid get then my mum said 'do you not feel guilty in the slightest that were both working and your doing nothing all day (not totally true but pretty much exept from sport, voluntary work and college). I said no because all you ever do is shout and I don't think I get any support then my dad said 'well that just shows what a sad bastard you are your living here getting everything free, pathetic'. I used to call them back when I was 14 but now I just say things like 'thats not very respectful'
I can see his point but I don't know myself why I don't feel guilty, I think its there attitude but still I am getting everything free. I just want to be normal ie have a boyfriend etc but I just can't get one people say I look about 13/14 years old its probably that or maybe they sense that im quiet, inconfident and immature.
Is all this my fault and a lack of trying on my behalf or is it the situation im in ie anxiety, lack of social skills? Ive not even passed my driving test and have applied to uni again but have been rejected for all, I had a good personal statement so its probably bad luck.
Sorry its so long
This is my past history if you don't wanna read just skip to the next paragraph lol.
Anyway I left college at 18 with average grades, or maybe below average lol, and got a job in a food factory but freaked out within 15 minutes and lost consciousness, im just so weird I know I couldn't take the environment. After this I started having panic attacks, had a few jobs and went to uni but quit everything. I was scared of eating certain foods as it made me feel anxious and I was scared of being sick I was just in a really bad strange frame of mind. I did littrelly nothing for a year except stay in bed most of the day and be up all night, my parents were constantly calling me every night and Id go upstairs crying in self pity it was the same thing over and over again. Anyway I started doing voluntary work on a hospital ward for 3 days a week for 6 months cause its not like a job where you can't leave when you want to or if you feel ill. I started doing a healthcare course at college too I still panic and go into weird moods but am still doing it.
The thing that caused tonights argument is that Ive been ripped off on ebay and my dad said well were not getting you out of it you stupid get then my mum said 'do you not feel guilty in the slightest that were both working and your doing nothing all day (not totally true but pretty much exept from sport, voluntary work and college). I said no because all you ever do is shout and I don't think I get any support then my dad said 'well that just shows what a sad bastard you are your living here getting everything free, pathetic'. I used to call them back when I was 14 but now I just say things like 'thats not very respectful'
I can see his point but I don't know myself why I don't feel guilty, I think its there attitude but still I am getting everything free. I just want to be normal ie have a boyfriend etc but I just can't get one people say I look about 13/14 years old its probably that or maybe they sense that im quiet, inconfident and immature.
Is all this my fault and a lack of trying on my behalf or is it the situation im in ie anxiety, lack of social skills? Ive not even passed my driving test and have applied to uni again but have been rejected for all, I had a good personal statement so its probably bad luck.
Sorry its so long
Scroll to see replies
Also does the fact that I don't feel guilty show that im sad?? I don't understand that comment.
Riddy
I don't know why you don't feel guilty, only you can know that really.
l agree you're the only person to change how you are.
Sorry about the uni rejection. What was it you applied for? I wouldn't give up, if you really want a degree, perhaps apply for something less demanding in terms of grades. But don't go to uni just to postpone deciding what you want to do with your life. I assume that'd be your parents' money paying your fees? And although they are not exactly behaving like great supportive parents, once you're an adult it's not fair to expect them to house you rent-free, pay all your bills etc. Yeah, they're not being respectful, but you need to earn respect. Perhaps distancing yourself from them would be good for you.
Don't worry about getting a boyfriend. Sort yourself out first! Going out with someone does not make you instantly happier/solve all your problems, in fact, it can be just an extra problem. To me, you sound depressed. Are you seeing a counsellor/doctor about this? Perhaps you should.
Don't worry about getting a boyfriend. Sort yourself out first! Going out with someone does not make you instantly happier/solve all your problems, in fact, it can be just an extra problem. To me, you sound depressed. Are you seeing a counsellor/doctor about this? Perhaps you should.
I dont think your dad should call you a bastard or pathetic.
It sounds like you have some form of depression or mental illness to me...I don't know why nobody else has mentioned that. I don't mean to accuse you of being crazy or anything but it sounds like some sort of help to deal with how you are feeling. I'm not a shrink so I don't know all that much about it but all of the things you have described sound worrying to me...panic attacks, phobias, strange sleeping patterns etcetc. I don't think your parents have been nearly helpful or supportive enough of you and I don't think it's your fault. You should go to a doctor and describe your symptoms and see what he/she says. What do you think? xxxx
salgueira
Sorry about the uni rejection. What was it you applied for? I wouldn't give up, if you really want a degree, perhaps apply for something less demanding in terms of grades. But don't go to uni just to postpone deciding what you want to do with your life. I assume that'd be your parents' money paying your fees? And although they are not exactly behaving like great supportive parents, once you're an adult it's not fair to expect them to house you rent-free, pay all your bills etc. Yeah, they're not being respectful, but you need to earn respect. Perhaps distancing yourself from them would be good for you.
Don't worry about getting a boyfriend. Sort yourself out first! Going out with someone does not make you instantly happier/solve all your problems, in fact, it can be just an extra problem. To me, you sound depressed. Are you seeing a counsellor/doctor about this? Perhaps you should.
Don't worry about getting a boyfriend. Sort yourself out first! Going out with someone does not make you instantly happier/solve all your problems, in fact, it can be just an extra problem. To me, you sound depressed. Are you seeing a counsellor/doctor about this? Perhaps you should.
At 17 I was planning to move into student halls and my dad put me off saying stuff like 'they are all on drugs and that if I die they will be expected to pay my uni fees etc' its mad but thats what he said, my mum said that I wouldn't like it and its cheaper living at home so here I am. Still according to most people they would say it was my choice in the end but they did influenced my decision. Now my dad says I will end up on a noisy council estate, they just don't make me feel like moving out lol. They don't seem to have a problem with it but its always my dad who mentions it when hes in an argument.
I applied for physiotherapy and nursing, I paid my fees for the last university I went to at first my mum did but my aunt told her not to why should she etc so she stopped after 2 months and I took out more loan. I don't think parents should pay anyway but a lot do.
Ive not seen a counceller by my aunt works in mental health and she gave me some useful advise.
Anonymous
It sounds like you have some form of depression or mental illness to me...I don't know why nobody else has mentioned that. I don't mean to accuse you of being crazy or anything but it sounds like some sort of help to deal with how you are feeling. I'm not a shrink so I don't know all that much about it but all of the things you have described sound worrying to me...panic attacks, phobias, strange sleeping patterns etcetc. I don't think your parents have been nearly helpful or supportive enough of you and I don't think it's your fault. You should go to a doctor and describe your symptoms and see what he/she says. What do you think? xxxx
To be honest I don't think I have any serious mental illness (though people on my netball think im weird but don't dislike me) just anxiety and im weird. Then again I can't understand the fainting why would I freak out in a factory enviromnment and go unconcious for 5 mins? Ive been to the gp and he said it was a simple faint. He doesn't seem to be a gp who many people like but still.
Thanks for listening and all the replies btw I really appriciate them.
you sound like you have a lot of self-pity and blame issues going on. Yes, it's rude of your father to use words like that, but when you say things like 'he'd never say stuff like that to my mother' it just shows how out of touch with reality you are. Of course he respects his wife more than his daughter! she is his partner, his equal, he should treat her with more respect than anyone. Although it's nice when parents respect their children (though you're hardly a child any more anyway, you're 20 for goodness sake!) they certainly do not owe their children any more respect than any other person.
You do sound like you're sponging off them, perhaps if you can't handle the work force just yet, you could help around the house, cook dinner, do the shopping or the laundry instead of just 'staying in bed all day'. Or when you're up all night, do some baking or sew buttons on your father's shirts or anything constructive!
i think you're using your anxiety attacks as an excuse to stop you having to grow up and get on with life - yes, it's an unfortunate problem, very real and, i'm sure, very difficult to cope with. But you are only perpetuating the symptoms by refusing to accept any responsibility and complain about your parents.
You do sound like you're sponging off them, perhaps if you can't handle the work force just yet, you could help around the house, cook dinner, do the shopping or the laundry instead of just 'staying in bed all day'. Or when you're up all night, do some baking or sew buttons on your father's shirts or anything constructive!
i think you're using your anxiety attacks as an excuse to stop you having to grow up and get on with life - yes, it's an unfortunate problem, very real and, i'm sure, very difficult to cope with. But you are only perpetuating the symptoms by refusing to accept any responsibility and complain about your parents.
salgueira
To me, you sound depressed. Are you seeing a counsellor/doctor about this? Perhaps you should.
I agree with this. And OP, you are not pathetic. While it's generally not a particularly good thing to be living for free at your parents' house at age 20, in your case, it just seems to be down to bad luck, especially since you suffer from such awful anxieties (and believe me, I know how much they can take over your life). I reccommend that you go and see someone about this as soon as possible.
grace
you sound like you have a lot of self-pity and blame issues going on. Yes, it's rude of your father to use words like that, but when you say things like 'he'd never say stuff like that to my mother' it just shows how out of touch with reality you are. Of course he respects his wife more than his daughter! she is his partner, his equal, he should treat her with more respect than anyone. Although it's nice when parents respect their children (though you're hardly a child any more anyway, you're 20 for goodness sake!) they certainly do not owe their children any more respect than any other person.
You do sound like you're sponging off them, perhaps if you can't handle the work force just yet, you could help around the house, cook dinner, do the shopping or the laundry instead of just 'staying in bed all day'. Or when you're up all night, do some baking or sew buttons on your father's shirts or anything constructive!
i think you're using your anxiety attacks as an excuse to stop you having to grow up and get on with life - yes, it's an unfortunate problem, very real and, i'm sure, very difficult to cope with. But you are only perpetuating the symptoms by refusing to accept any responsibility and complain about your parents.
You do sound like you're sponging off them, perhaps if you can't handle the work force just yet, you could help around the house, cook dinner, do the shopping or the laundry instead of just 'staying in bed all day'. Or when you're up all night, do some baking or sew buttons on your father's shirts or anything constructive!
i think you're using your anxiety attacks as an excuse to stop you having to grow up and get on with life - yes, it's an unfortunate problem, very real and, i'm sure, very difficult to cope with. But you are only perpetuating the symptoms by refusing to accept any responsibility and complain about your parents.
Thanks, half of me agrees but im just the type who goes into self pity when im called a bastard etc probably cause I know its true. Sometimes I just get really annoyed because things seem really unfair like the anxiety, fainting, only looking 13 etc, can't get a bf rubbish social skills yet my parents can't resist calling me names. I know what Ive just said is pathetic in real life but im just saying my perception of it its just the way I am. I think to myself why should I even bother helping them out which is a totally childish and immature way of thinking I know! How do I stop thinking like this and think more like an adult? Do most people have these feelings of anger and revenge but not act on them or do they not have them in the first place?
I feel like it is my fault for the way I turned out but I don't know what I did wrong. Also what age do most people move out? I do feel stupid still living at home expecially when my friends have moved out with partners and had babies etc. Your right though and your view probably reflects what most of society would think. Tell me if what im saying is complete rubbish cause I don't know your right im not in reality
I think you should make a plan to start taking control of your life. Do it step by step. For example, make a start by booking some sessions with a councillor to tackle your anxiety issues. Don't give up on university either. There will always be places in Clearing in August if you have no offers, and you'll be surprised how many good courses at good uni's are up for grabs. My opinion is that you should live in halls (Ignore what your Dad says about it being full of drugs, it's total rubbish) because it will give you your first taste of independence. In your case it would be worth the cost. Once you start taking action to improve your life, you will become a lot more confident as you'll realise that you CAN cope in the world by yourself and you don't have to depend on your parents for everything.
Best of luck, you can do it x
Best of luck, you can do it x
grace
you sound like you have a lot of self-pity and blame issues going on. Yes, it's rude of your father to use words like that, but when you say things like 'he'd never say stuff like that to my mother' it just shows how out of touch with reality you are. Of course he respects his wife more than his daughter! she is his partner, his equal, he should treat her with more respect than anyone. Although it's nice when parents respect their children (though you're hardly a child any more anyway, you're 20 for goodness sake!) they certainly do not owe their children any more respect than any other person.
You do sound like you're sponging off them, perhaps if you can't handle the work force just yet, you could help around the house, cook dinner, do the shopping or the laundry instead of just 'staying in bed all day'. Or when you're up all night, do some baking or sew buttons on your father's shirts or anything constructive!
i think you're using your anxiety attacks as an excuse to stop you having to grow up and get on with life - yes, it's an unfortunate problem, very real and, i'm sure, very difficult to cope with. But you are only perpetuating the symptoms by refusing to accept any responsibility and complain about your parents.
You do sound like you're sponging off them, perhaps if you can't handle the work force just yet, you could help around the house, cook dinner, do the shopping or the laundry instead of just 'staying in bed all day'. Or when you're up all night, do some baking or sew buttons on your father's shirts or anything constructive!
i think you're using your anxiety attacks as an excuse to stop you having to grow up and get on with life - yes, it's an unfortunate problem, very real and, i'm sure, very difficult to cope with. But you are only perpetuating the symptoms by refusing to accept any responsibility and complain about your parents.
Correct me if im wrong but you sound like one of those bubbly confident girls who can't wait to leave home at 16, thats good but some people are not like this they are the quiet, not confident type and the reality for them is to stay with there parents until they get a bf/get married etc. Obviously the op is being a bit extreme with this ie not paying rent but you get my point.
TheThirdMan
I dont think your dad should call you a bastard or pathetic.
really is extremly harsh words to ever been said no need i feel!
Riddy
Correct me if im wrong but you sound like one of those bubbly confident girls who can't wait to leave home at 16, thats good but some people are not like this they are the quiet, not confident type and the reality for them is to stay with there parents until they get a bf/get married etc. Obviously the op is being a bit extreme with this ie not paying rent but you get my point.
well i didn't leave home at 16, and no i'm not 'one of those people who can't wait to leave home', i was just taught that it's a natural progression into adulthood. If i was still living at home i would have to pay rent and pull my weight around the house. It's just responsibility, really. I realise that my parents don't owe me anything, and i think if the OP were to get that into her head she would probably avoid a lot of the issues she is having.
grace
You do sound like you're sponging off them, perhaps if you can't handle the work force just yet, you could help around the house, cook dinner, do the shopping or the laundry instead of just 'staying in bed all day'. Or when you're up all night, do some baking or sew buttons on your father's shirts or anything constructive!
If your parents was the same - rude and not understanding would you really feel like sewing buttons on his shirt? I wouldn't even feel like touching his clothes.
grace
well i didn't leave home at 16, and no i'm not 'one of those people who can't wait to leave home', i was just taught that it's a natural progression into adulthood. If i was still living at home i would have to pay rent and pull my weight around the house. It's just responsibility, really. I realise that my parents don't owe me anything, and i think if the OP were to get that into her head she would probably avoid a lot of the issues she is having.
Why is it not natural for the op?
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