Boyfriend not making an effort to see me

I feel that I'll be annoying a lot of people with my endless ramblings, but I've not seen my boyfriend since Sunday. A record, considering that we go to the same uni, live reasonably near each other and he normally wants to see me every day & spend the night together 4-5 times a week. There was a time when I felt he wasn't giving me enough space, but I didn't really mind. :wink:

Now he prefers to go out with his mates instead, or says he's got too much work. Not to mention whenever we go out together (fairly rare) he complains that he's too tired and wants to go home. I guess the obvious thing to do would be to talk to him about it, but at the risk of sounding clingy and grumpy. Anybody been in a similar situation or wanna share your thoughts? Thanks!xxxxxxx

Reply 1

Hayley_2k4

12

Has anything in your relationship changed lately?

Reply 2

LipGloss

OP

Sort of... ironically he's expressed concern that I'll get bored of him and dump him, even though I've never given him a reason to think that. He also gets very jealous, even though he's the social one, with his hoardes of girl-mates and exes-turned-best-mates. You'd think that a guy who was afraid of being dumped would make more effort to spend time with me. :frown:

Reply 3

Leigh

15

Maybe he genuinely does have a lot of work on?

Reply 4

LipGloss

OP

Maybe. But I can't help feeling I'm being taken for granted.

Reply 5

xxsarahjwxx

How long have you been together?

It sounds to me very much like what i have experienced. You get used to seeing each other everyday and whilst you're in that honeymoon period, real life doesnt matter. However after a year or so, real life does start to interfere a bit and reality hits. Me and my bf are exactly like you, seeing each other everyday and if mine did what yours did, i would be slightly worried. But really it is just a case of life getting in the way. Talk to him, tell him you're feeling neglected and set some time aside to have some quality time together.

Reply 6

LipGloss

OP

xxsarahjwxx

How long have you been together?

Just over three months. My first real boyfriend, since my parents disapproved of me having a boyfriend while underage/still at school/still at uni. :eek:

Reply 7

xxsarahjwxx

3 months...yes i would say that was your honeymoon period ending with a bang. It hit me hard but you just have to make the effort to keep the love strong. From now on in, you need to make an effort to do stuff together. Let him have time to do what he needs to do but also set aside quality time. Talk to him. Chances are he's missing your time together too.

Reply 8

Lady Narcissus

14

That is what happened with my ex-boyfriend, more interested in his American football friends, i.e other blokes and cheerleaders. I cannot say I liked him suggesting he was tired and not being straight with me about how the novelty had worn off. If you really like him you could always work at it and be open with your feelings without getting angry. I got mega mad one day and we split up.

Reply 9

Dramatic Star

2

LipGloss

I feel that I'll be annoying a lot of people with my endless ramblings, but I've not seen my boyfriend since Sunday. A record, considering that we go to the same uni, live reasonably near each other and he normally wants to see me every day & spend the night together 4-5 times a week. There was a time when I felt he wasn't giving me enough space, but I didn't really mind. :wink:

Now he prefers to go out with his mates instead, or says he's got too much work. Not to mention whenever we go out together (fairly rare) he complains that he's too tired and wants to go home. I guess the obvious thing to do would be to talk to him about it, but at the risk of sounding clingy and grumpy. Anybody been in a similar situation or wanna share your thoughts? Thanks!xxxxxxx

I wouldn't take him wanting to spend more time on his own to heart. Relationships go through phases. One minute you both want to see see each other 24/7 & then one or both of you don't want to see each other for a while. Of course there is the obvious reason that he wants to get on with work. Going out with mates is a totally different situation to him than going out with you. It will give him time to relax & enjoy being around other men (which is what men need, the same as us girlies!). I say give it a week or so & then sit down & talk with him, saying you feel like he's not making the effort.

Just out of interest, how long have you been dating?

Reply 10

LipGloss

OP

I talked to him on msn yesterday (bad idea) and it turned ugly, and apparently he got really upset. Then I hung up on him when he tried to call me. And we've been giving each other the silent treatment ever since. Part of me just wants to dump him (given peoples' reactions on TSR when I talk about some of the things he does), but the other part of me wants to give it another chance. I thought he would have tried to contact me sooner or later, but he hasn't, and I know I won't swallow my pride and contact him. But then again, I'm probably doing him a favour by dumping him, he'll never be as bothered about me as he is about his previous girlfriends. I don't know if I should assume it's over... I have no shoulder to cry on... all my 'girl' friends have always been spiteful about my relationship, they'll be over the moon if I tell them I'm (most likely) breaking up.

Reply 11

sufiankane

2

tell him to step down. Tell him he should start to treat you witha bit more respect and decency, you can't put all the work in a relationship in, he has to put some work in as well. If its too hard for him then he really isn't a great person.

Reply 12

SB

2

Firstly, never try to have a serious conversation on MSN, you need to be face to face for this sort of thing.

I'm currently going through a similar thing with my man, although we're in an LDR so only see each other twice a month anyway. If you're secure, after the initial shock, you should be able to accept that he genuinely is busy. I hope you trust him enough to believe that or the relationship's on a slippery slope.

Chances are, he's realised that he's missing other parts of his life. If you were seeing each other 5 nights a week he was probably missing deadlines, skipping seeing his friends etc to be with you. That's a pretty demanding schedule. Now he's realised that there are other things apart from the relationship. Doesn't mean it's over, although the honeymoon definitely is!

But from what you've said, it sounds like other things might be wrong too. Ask yourself if this is really what you want because it's going to be harder work from now on. If it is what you want, embrace your life... no wonder your friends dislike him so much if you've been neglecting them for him, time to make up for it and give them some quality time! And may I just say how lucky you are to be able to see him so often, giving up a couple of nights a week might bring the newness and the spark back. Good luck!

Reply 13

fundamentally

15

LipGloss

I feel that I'll be annoying a lot of people with my endless ramblings, but I've not seen my boyfriend since Sunday.

Perhaps he has seem too much of you and is now getting a bit bored ? :confused:

Reply 14

Johnny 5

12

Is he not making an effort to see you, or is he making an effort not to see you?

Reply 15

LipGloss

OP

fundamentally

Perhaps he has seem too much of you and is now getting a bit bored ? :confused:

To clarify things, that's two Sundays ago since I last saw him. I'm not some psycho who won't give her boyfriend space. It's not just about not seeing him anymore, it's about being neglected and taken for granted. You're right that he's bored of me, which is why I'm ending it, I bet he'll thank me for it.

Reply 16

username47781

20

To be fair he's entitled to a life outside of your relationship.

Reply 17

cmh

8

If talking to your bf about feel neglected doesn't work I think you could do better then.

He is entitled to his own space as you are to your own, but not bothering to contact or see you is piss. My bf and I are going to go to the same uni together and we'll give eachother space to meet other people etc but c'mon, if your bf really is bothering with you - eff him.

Tell him if he doesn't start to bother, its over. Well thats what I'd do.

Sorry to be so harsh.

Boyfriend not making an effort to see me

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