The Student Room Group

Socialising at Uni

Not sure if this is the right place to post this... so sorry if it isn't!

Anyway, i'm starting uni this september and i'm really really nervous. Basically, im a painfuly shy person around strangers, and i take a long long time to open up infront of people. I come from a strict home, so i've never actually been out with school freinds much. I've been out with cousins and what not , but its not hte same with family. I've hardly ever been out with my friends out of school, and when i did go out with them i always felt like a kid going out on a primary school day trip - a little lost really. I don't drink either. I'm just worried about how i'm going to get along at uni, especially with Freshers week and stuff, cz i heard its mainly party party at that time... how the hell will i deal with that after living my entire life like a hermit?! Even when i DID get to go out rarely with my school friends, even around them i used to feel nervous and insecure, like u do when you have a routine and it gets disturbed. I'm much older now, and i just don't want to have to deal with those feelings at this age, its too embaressing.

Also, i had to move to go to sixth form, as my high school didn't have one. Unfortunately, a cousin of mine also came to it, and she used to stick to me like glue. She'd always talk in another language with me, even if people were talking to me who couldn't understand it. At times, i'd be talking to a person and she'd start saying something to me in another language, by the time she stopped, the person i had been talking to before would have walked off (obviously thinking it was rude). In the end, i actually had no friends at sixth form at all, apart from her. I hadn't met this cousin much before and i had no idea how much of a personality clash we were to have, as she was really dull and had little humour. I'm the type of person who's always laughing. In high school, me and my best friend laughed our way through... we were nicknamed the terrible two gigglers. I got really depressed during my 2 years at sixth form ,as i was so used to having friends at high school and i used to be pretty popular. We had just moved house as well and my grandfather had recently passed away, and so i was pretty stressed, with the added pressure of being so lonely.

But now, after taking a gap year, i will be starting uni in september and living away from home for the first time in my life. Is there any advice anyone can give me? Seeing as i haven't had a social life in so long, and Never ever had one outside of school in my life, what should i be prepared for?

Thanks in advance! :smile:

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Reply 1

You have nothing to worry about.

University will be a chance for you to make a fresh start, and there's no reason that reclusiveness in the past should mean that you don't have a great social life at uni. In my experience it's very different from school, and almost everyone is friendly and welcoming, regardless of how shy you are to begin with.

You also don't need to panic about Freshers' Week. The idea is for you to make some friends before the actual term starts, and there's absolutely no obligation to get drunk every night. Most unis realise that some people don't enjoy alcohol, and put on other activities during the week (film nights, etc) as an alternative. And you can always go pubbing and clubbing without drinking; I'd be surprised if anyone gave you a hard time about it.

Post back if there's anything specific bothering you, and we can talk about it. :smile:

Reply 2

what he said.
yeah, seriously its not one big party if thats not what you enjoy. i didnt go 'out' once during freshers week, just went to the common room, watched films, hung out in people rooms, went to the pub down the road, and i had a great time. i dont drink either.

also i had literally no friends before uni, and now i have loads, plus a long term bf. if you're the happy, giggly person you say you are, you'll be fine!

Reply 3

well i heard uni is what will shape you. i know even me at 6th form i'm like a kid in a playground nothings changed! muhahahhaaa
anyways when i went to the uni open days i realised the difference. its so worrying to know that i'll be on my own but instead of seeing this as a threat and sobbing about it, looked at it in a completely different perspective. you're not going to be the only one in this situation. loads of people are gna probably be terrified on their first night! i know i would!!
but i would advise you to embrace the experience. how many times in your life do you have the chance to start fresh? start your OWN life? outside the family, with no strings attached to hold you back of your true potential?
seriously, dude! i dont drink or do partying and hangovers or nothing like that and i'm still planning to live out. you just have to be brave and believe in yourself. even if uni on the first day may seem like a nightmare, things DO change! no matter where you go you'll always have your family and friends to support you whenever you need them! you really dont need to worry about it too much, consider it a chance to meet new people, people like you, people your age, people from all around the world! its really remarkable! try to think about the advantages of going uni rather than worry about it! remember you're not the only person with concerns, its natural to feel that way :p: its what makes us human *burp*

Reply 4

If you're apprehensive, just remember one thing-everybody is in the same boat.

Reply 5

indeedy ^^ no need to worry, it leads to poor performance and unease when meeting new people. just be yourself and relax!

Reply 6

jaydoh
If you're apprehensive, just remember one thing-everybody is in the same boat.


Indeed they are; I'm terrified about the socialising part too, it's not as though I don't have friends cuz I do, but that's only because I've known all of them all for years. I find making new ones very difficult, but I'm just gonna be myself... only more confident XD

Reply 7

It usually takes me a few years before i become confident around a person, so dont worry, your not alone :smile:

If you already know what uni you want to go to, i would advise going to that subforum and start chatting to other applicants. Its much easier to talk to new people over the internet and you may make a few friends before you even get there. Ive already made one friend wanting to go to the same university as me and it is making me feel a lot more confident about making new friends at university.

Reply 8

I havent read all the posts but what you'll find is people are normally very forward about swapping numbers. Just give anyone your number thats at your halls/ on your course, out of these people theres always be one or two constantly trying to organise a party/ clubbing. You'll find that they'll call/ text everyday asking if you want to do something. This is a great way to meet people.

However, if you turn them down 3/4/5 times they'll get the idea they're hassling you and will stop asking so go out even if you dont feel totally up for it! Good luck :smile:

Reply 9

Perhaps chat with a few people who are going to the same uni as you on TSR?

Reply 10

Lots of people will be in the same situation as you and will be nervous about making new friends. Remember no one will know each other so everyone's in the same boat. Not everyone at uni will be drunken idiots. I'm sure you'll find some people who have the same interests as you.

Reply 11

Crystal89
Not everyone at uni will be drunken idiots.


now i feel ripped off! at the open day the lecturer promised me everyone would be a drunken idiot!

Reply 12

SmilerNuts
now i feel ripped off! at the open day the lecturer promised me everyone would be a drunken idiot!

Dont worry you wont have to look very far :wink:

Reply 13

L0RA
Dont worry you wont have to look very far :wink:


yeah probably just in the mirror! lol how strong is the university drinking culture on scale of 1-10

Reply 14

I agree with what James said, really -- there are so many different activities going on at uni, I'm sure it won't be difficult to find some where you can meet people with similar interests, and who you can make friends with. :cool:

Reply 15

yeah just join some random societies and see if you like them! if you dont you could still make some friends

Reply 16

SmilerNuts
yeah probably just in the mirror! lol how strong is the university drinking culture on scale of 1-10


Guess it depends where you are and what halls your in.

My close group of friends still go out 5/6 times a week now. I wish i could still afford to go out that much!

There is a huge drinking culture. You'll easily be able to drink 7 days a week and go clubbing 5 times a week if you wanted/ could afford to!!

Reply 17

surely you would die if you were out drinking 7 times a week?!

as fun as constant drinking sounds i dunno, maybe just go 4 or 5 times if its cheap. what do you do if they all go out and you cant afford it?

Reply 18

Good advice here. If you constantly turn people down to go out, then don't expect them to keep asking you.

Another thing, why not drink? Is it because you're scared? If it is, I'd strongly recommend reconsidering. You will find going out with very drunk people a bit intimidating if you're shy and sober. You will find socialising 10x easier if you're even slightly drunk.

Reply 19

why would you be anon for that?

but yeah good point, unless you're trying to be the sensible one who looks after the rest of them having a couple of drinks will shed your inhibitions and make you really sociable and let people see what a great person you are!