Advice Needed - Girl(s)

Right, here is an overview of my situation. It involves 3 girls @ Uni.

There is one girl who I like, who I speak to when I see but never hang around with her. I have liked her for a while but have never really found a way to get in to her friendship group (which is male & female) and get to know her better. They are quite a close group and tend to do everything together, and while they are not unsociable, when they do an activity it tends to be them and just them. It doesn't mean they actively oppose other people hanging round with them, they just seem to be fine the way things are.
The other problem is she is one of those girls who everyone likes, but (while I know this sounds arrogant), I reckon I would have a good chance at getting with her, the problem with this is that none of our mutual male friends would give me a hand in getting to know her as chances are they like her too.

The second girl is a girl I was close to getting into a relationship with last term, but my interest kind of faded and when I was drunk I slept with another girl (more later), however on a mad night out 3 days ago (a 21st :s-smilie:

) I kissed her again and I am getting the feeling she still likes me, even if it is only a little. We aren't in the same friendship group and I haven't spoke to her since this happened.

The third girl is a girl on the floor above me, who appears to be my **** buddy. She is the girl I slept with when I was drunk, and since then we've slept together a few times, when sober and when drunk. She's alright, but I wouldn't get into a relationship with her as she's just come out of a year long relationship and she is a bit arrogant at times, which really annoys me. The other problem is so far it has been unprotected sex. She is on the pill, and has only slept with one other lad (who was a virgin, or at least that's what he said), but I'm still not keen on the idea of condomless sex - how do I mention this, bearing in mind we have had unprotected sex all the way so far.

What I would (ideally) like to do, is to let subtley the 2nd & 3rd girl know I don't want a relationship, and with regard to the third girl, I'm not averse to sleeping with her again, but I would much prefer to be with the 1st girl.

Comments, critisism, and suggestions all welcome. Thank to all who contribute.

Reply 1

Talya

First, get checked for STIs at the Uni health centre.

Second, you cannot have a **** buddy, it's unhealthy for both of you, emotionally.

Thirdly, if you want a real relationship, how are you going to pursue it if you have this **** buddy waiting at home? What if she calls when the girl you really like is over at yours? No, it has to end.

You have to pick which girl you like, I think it's bad to try and pursue both because (worst case scenario) they might both say yes to going on a date with you and then you're two timer and you are automatically a bastard!

Have you got a female friend you can talk this over with?

Reply 2

glaucon

ditto get checked for STI's and either subtely or unsubtely steer clear of the last 2 girls. Girl 1 is very unlikely to be intrested if your doing anything with other girls. If you make excuses not to kiss girl two and **** girl three often enough they will get the picture.

Do you have any mutual female friends with girl 1? They might help.

Reply 3

Soul Rebel

have a good time.

no seriously how, stop having sex with the third girl, if you like this otehr girl then your only harming your chances cos the whole **** buddy thing could come out.

the second girl you say you havent spoken with for a while, then she is out of the picture. basically, what i suggest is to stand strong and not give into having sex with your **** buddy, however hard that may be haha, and concentrate oin the first by being overly social ya know.

oh and get checked for any STI's.

Reply 4

Rhythm

Talya

Second, you cannot have a **** buddy, it's unhealthy for both of you, emotionally.

Thirdly, if you want a real relationship, how are you going to pursue it if you have this **** buddy waiting at home? What if she calls when the girl you really like is over at yours? No, it has to end.

You have to pick which girl you like, I think it's bad to try and pursue both because (worst case scenario) they might both say yes to going on a date with you and then you're two timer and you are automatically a bastard!

Have you got a female friend you can talk this over with?

Apart from the STIs thing, this is horrible advice. Keep your FB, no strings sex is better than no sex, obviously.

Secondly, DO go for both girls, starting with the one you'd rather get with (or if you don't mind having more than one on the go for both anyway) and then the one your second most interested in. If it works out and gets serious with either, and you actually care, then lose the FB, if not you could just keep her and either a) ask your g/f if she minds or b) keep it on the low (although this is a pretty crappy thing to do - but if you can live with then so be it). If you play it right, you could possibly set up a menage et tois...that would take some skill though, lol :biggrin:

.

So there you have it, best case scenario, 3 girls on the go or a loving g/f, depends what you're after, worst case scenario, a FB and peace of mind...you can't lose mate, GOOD LUCK!! :smile:

Reply 5

Louise88

You need to get tested for STI's straight away.

You need to stop leading the second girl on, stop going around kissing her if you think she likes you as this will give her the wrong impression and lead to her getting hurt. If you aren't interested in her, then don't get intimate with her, simple as that.

Third girl, you need to get rid of. You have no interest in her at all and even though sex is great, don't risk catching something from her because she could well be sleeping with plenty other men. Stop having sex with her, if she calls, ignore it. Resist the urge to sleep with her in future. If you have to, tell her straight that you don't want to sleep with her.

With those two girls out the way, you can then focus on the first girl. You need to try and make more of an effort to get to know her, get to know her friend too, take a real interest in her. Nothing will happen if you two don't really know each other. Just make sure that if you do decide to go for this girl, that girls two and three aren't in the picture.

Oh and whatever you do, as great as it sounds to have three girls on the go, don't do it!

Good luck, I hope things work out with the girl that you like....

Reply 6

Tag

here's some advice i would have thought was blatantly obvious, but apparently not: if you want this girl to be with you, stop shagging around.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Haha, interesting advice Manchester.L.!

To quote Talya

First, get checked for STIs at the Uni health centre.

I get checked for STIs on a regular basis, and have been tested since I first slept with this girl. As far as I am aware (although I will ask), she hasn't slept with anyone different since we first slept together, so I see no pressing need to get tested at the moment, although I will continue to be regularly tested.

Second, you cannot have a **** buddy, it's unhealthy for both of you, emotionally.

I can deal with it emotionally. I've had **** buddies before and so far I have had no major problems. If she has a problem dealing with it emotionally, then thats her call, and we should stop having sex. I'm fine my end, and I think it's fair to assume if she's prepared to have me as a **** buddy then she's fine too, and if she isn't she can just say, and we'll stop it.

Thirdly, if you want a real relationship, how are you going to pursue it if you have this **** buddy waiting at home? What if she calls when the girl you really like is over at yours? No, it has to end

If at any point it looks like there might be a relationship with this girl happening (even if the signs are really small), I will cool things with the **** buddy.

You have to pick which girl you like, I think it's bad to try and pursue both because (worst case scenario) they might both say yes to going on a date with you and then you're two timer and you are automatically a bastard!

I would have thought the worst case scenario is they both say no!
However, you seem to have got the wrong end of the stick here - which is my fault, having re-read my initial post, it is quite ambiguous.

The first girl is the only one I would consider a relationship with - I just think the second girl might still like me, I don't want a relationship with her.
Also (unfortunately), I think my track record with girls automatically makes me a bastard!

Have you got a female friend you can talk this over with?

I do, but she's not at Uni and this would probably be a long conversation, I'd prefer to do it face to face than on the phone. Plus, she works long hours and tends to be with her boyfriend every other moment, so calling her at the right time to speak to her about it would be quite hit and miss.

Girl 1 is very unlikely to be intrested if your doing anything with other girls.

Very true. Even people at Uni who are quite close to me have at least considered that I might like my **** buddy, which I suppose is a perfectly fair observation to make, given what we do together. Plus what Reggae Allstar said about it coming out, this is also very true, at Uni things don't have a habit of staying quiet.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Tag - it's not shagging around, it's just one girl. Although I do see your point.