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Cheated on 9 times in 3 years - depressed
i've been cheated on 9 times in 3 years. i kinda gave up on men about a year and a half ago but now i feel lonely and depressed. the cycle goes
see nice guy --> Want a bf -->cannot trust men not to cheat -->avoid men-->depressed and lonely --> repeat.
none of my friends seem to have this problem, i do not think i have met anyone eho has been cheated on as much as me.
i think its to do with i dont sleep with guys. but they understand how its going to be from the start, they accept it then lie to me and cheat. i wouldnt mind being dumped first before they move onto the next girl but they (i think) prefer to hang around waiting to see if i'll put out, meanwhile they sleep with girls elsewhere.
i find it amazing that many of my friends live with their bfs and have no fear that he will cheat. i just dont see how. its not that i go for all 'bad' guys. my last bf FIVE-timed me and i met him at church.and my bfs have come fromvaried walks of life and have all been age 21-27 (i didnt start dating until i was 18) so are not supposed to be immature
so how is this?
why do i keep being cheated on?
are men biologically predisposed not to be monogamous?
how can i trust men again?
see nice guy --> Want a bf -->cannot trust men not to cheat -->avoid men-->depressed and lonely --> repeat.
none of my friends seem to have this problem, i do not think i have met anyone eho has been cheated on as much as me.
i think its to do with i dont sleep with guys. but they understand how its going to be from the start, they accept it then lie to me and cheat. i wouldnt mind being dumped first before they move onto the next girl but they (i think) prefer to hang around waiting to see if i'll put out, meanwhile they sleep with girls elsewhere.
i find it amazing that many of my friends live with their bfs and have no fear that he will cheat. i just dont see how. its not that i go for all 'bad' guys. my last bf FIVE-timed me and i met him at church.and my bfs have come fromvaried walks of life and have all been age 21-27 (i didnt start dating until i was 18) so are not supposed to be immature
so how is this?
why do i keep being cheated on?
are men biologically predisposed not to be monogamous?
how can i trust men again?
Scroll to see replies
Anonymous
i've been cheated on 9 times in 3 years. i kinda gave up on men about a year and a half ago but now i feel lonely and depressed. the cycle goes
see nice guy --> Want a bf -->cannot trust men not to cheat -->avoid men-->depressed and lonely --> repeat.
none of my friends seem to have this problem, i do not think i have met anyone eho has been cheated on as much as me.
i think its to do with i dont sleep with guys. but they understand how its going to be from the start, they accept it then lie to me and cheat. i wouldnt mind being dumped first before they move onto the next girl but they (i think) prefer to hang around waiting to see if i'll put out, meanwhile they sleep with girls elsewhere.
i find it amazing that many of my friends live with their bfs and have no fear that he will cheat. i just dont see how. its not that i go for all 'bad' guys. my last bf FIVE-timed me and i met him at church.and my bfs have come fromvaried walks of life and have all been age 21-27 (i didnt start dating until i was 18) so are not supposed to be immature
so how is this?
why do i keep being cheated on?
are men biologically predisposed not to be monogamous?
how can i trust men again?
see nice guy --> Want a bf -->cannot trust men not to cheat -->avoid men-->depressed and lonely --> repeat.
none of my friends seem to have this problem, i do not think i have met anyone eho has been cheated on as much as me.
i think its to do with i dont sleep with guys. but they understand how its going to be from the start, they accept it then lie to me and cheat. i wouldnt mind being dumped first before they move onto the next girl but they (i think) prefer to hang around waiting to see if i'll put out, meanwhile they sleep with girls elsewhere.
i find it amazing that many of my friends live with their bfs and have no fear that he will cheat. i just dont see how. its not that i go for all 'bad' guys. my last bf FIVE-timed me and i met him at church.and my bfs have come fromvaried walks of life and have all been age 21-27 (i didnt start dating until i was 18) so are not supposed to be immature
so how is this?
why do i keep being cheated on?
are men biologically predisposed not to be monogamous?
how can i trust men again?
Ey its not your fault. I tried to explain in a now-closed thread how most men will cheat if given the oppurtunity, but I got flamed down.
Man I hate being right so often.
Seriously though, while you're young don't worry about it, just have fun, when you're older and more mature, the guys will stop sleeping around, providing you're a good g/f
Edit: I guarantee its at least in part because you don't sleep with them. Heck, I don't even know if its considered cheating if he sleeps with someone else but isn't sleeping with you. Yous shouldn't expect him to remain celibate for your sake, thats just unnatural.
I tried to explain in a now-closed thread how most men will cheat if given the oppurtunity, but I got flamed down.
BS!
Its obviously the men you choose. Try and spend longer choosing them?
Trying to understand what you're saying here...
You don't ever sleep with your boyfriend(s) or is it you wait a long time before sleeping with them?
3. Sweeping statement. I live with 6 guys at the moment and to be honest, I don't think a single one of them would ever cheat even with a good chance of not being caught. I do have friends who are like you describe, but you need to know there are plenty of good guys out there dying for a chance to treat you right.
- You need to learn to find good guys, it's clear from what you've described that you're prepositioned to always go for the asshats.
You don't ever sleep with your boyfriend(s) or is it you wait a long time before sleeping with them?
3. Sweeping statement. I live with 6 guys at the moment and to be honest, I don't think a single one of them would ever cheat even with a good chance of not being caught. I do have friends who are like you describe, but you need to know there are plenty of good guys out there dying for a chance to treat you right.
- You need to learn to find good guys, it's clear from what you've described that you're prepositioned to always go for the asshats.
Manchester.L.
Ey its not your fault. I tried to explain in a now-closed thread how most men will cheat if given the oppurtunity, but I got flamed down.
Man I hate being right so often.
Man I hate being right so often.
Has it ever crossed your mind that you got flamed coz your views are in the minority?
I really think you're choosing the wrong men.
I'm sorry to hear that things haven't gone great for you, but sometimes these things happen. I know that doesn't take the pain away, but the guys that have treated you this way, obviously weren't worth it so it's best that they are out of your life.
Having said that, it will be very difficult to trust men after how you have been treated. It's something that you will have major problems with, but it's something that you and your next partner will have to work through. It will be very difficult to do and it will take a lot of time but if the guy is worth it, he will support you the best he can. Thats the only advice I can give on that, trust builds up over time and with a good guy, it will happen.
There is no real answer to why you keep getting cheated on, plenty of people get cheated on at some point during their life. Sometimes people just can't be faithful and sadly, you keep going for the unfaithful kinds. Those who haven't been cheated on are lucky, it's a horrible thing to have happen but it's something that you will get over in time.
Not all guys are unfaithful, there are plenty of men who do manage to stay faithful to their partners and I would like to point out that women cheat too, it's not just men. It really just depends on the individual.
It will be difficult to trust men again after being hurt so much in the past but you can do it, it will just take some time but it will be very difficult to do. It might seem like you will never be able to trust them again but you will, you just need to find someone thats good for you.
Having said that, it will be very difficult to trust men after how you have been treated. It's something that you will have major problems with, but it's something that you and your next partner will have to work through. It will be very difficult to do and it will take a lot of time but if the guy is worth it, he will support you the best he can. Thats the only advice I can give on that, trust builds up over time and with a good guy, it will happen.
There is no real answer to why you keep getting cheated on, plenty of people get cheated on at some point during their life. Sometimes people just can't be faithful and sadly, you keep going for the unfaithful kinds. Those who haven't been cheated on are lucky, it's a horrible thing to have happen but it's something that you will get over in time.
Not all guys are unfaithful, there are plenty of men who do manage to stay faithful to their partners and I would like to point out that women cheat too, it's not just men. It really just depends on the individual.
It will be difficult to trust men again after being hurt so much in the past but you can do it, it will just take some time but it will be very difficult to do. It might seem like you will never be able to trust them again but you will, you just need to find someone thats good for you.
Stubo
lol theres always the diplomatic dear deardrie. basically we dont know why it is happening. but as I said, the majoirt of guys would go for it, with a drink of them, if it was on a plate.
So you're also calling the majority of guys liars too, as they obviously don't love their girlfriends after all.
Oh, and, source? Or did you make it up?
If that is true, it must be for the same for girls? Wouldn't you agree?
A lot of men, and women, would cheat given half a chance, theres no doubt about that but there is an an equal amount of people who wouldn't dream of cheating on their partner because they actually mean something to them. I can safely say that, given half the chance, most of my male and female friends would never cheat on their partner. I know many of them have been offered it on a plate and have refused. I know that my boyfriend wouldn't cheat on me and he has had the chance to. A girl he knows offers it on a plate quite often and he refuses because he is with me. Not everyone is as low as that i'm afraid.
A lot of men, and women, would cheat given half a chance, theres no doubt about that but there is an an equal amount of people who wouldn't dream of cheating on their partner because they actually mean something to them. I can safely say that, given half the chance, most of my male and female friends would never cheat on their partner. I know many of them have been offered it on a plate and have refused. I know that my boyfriend wouldn't cheat on me and he has had the chance to. A girl he knows offers it on a plate quite often and he refuses because he is with me. Not everyone is as low as that i'm afraid.
i dont think im the doormat type. i do make an effort in other ways with my bfs, i try to show i genuinely care and take an interest in them and their lives, and do things for them just because it is nice to. often they will reciprocate, buying me flowers and roses and cuddly toys and perfumes just because they want to. but at the same time usually they end up getting drunk on a night out with the guys and pull a girl, or secretly sleep with another girl behind my back.
my ex told me the only reason men often buy me gifts and take me out to lovely places is because of the money. he explained 'i know for sure if i spent enough money on you then you would sleep with me'
do you think its the 'girl on a plate vs girl who wont put out' arguement? if so why dont they dump me first?
my ex told me the only reason men often buy me gifts and take me out to lovely places is because of the money. he explained 'i know for sure if i spent enough money on you then you would sleep with me'
do you think its the 'girl on a plate vs girl who wont put out' arguement? if so why dont they dump me first?
bunthulhu
So you're also calling the majority of guys liars too, as they obviously don't love their girlfriends after all.
Oh, and, source? Or did you make it up?
Oh, and, source? Or did you make it up?
Anonymous
do you think its the 'girl on a plate vs girl who wont put out' arguement? if so why dont they dump me first?
do you think its the 'girl on a plate vs girl who wont put out' arguement? if so why dont they dump me first?
I'm by no means condoning their behaviour, just trying to understand it.
It seems that the reason they're not dumping you first is either that
a) They really do like you and are frustrated by the fact you wont sleep with them
or b) they never really cared and were using you as a safety net.
Personally, if I found myself in their situation I would be kind enough to end the relationship first.
Can I ask, why is it you don't sleep with anyone? It seems that the obvious thing to avoid the situation in the first place and therefore the hurt may be to, you know... stop waiting?
i think most guys might love their gfs in their heart and not want to hurt her. but they might desire hot sex with eg keira keightly in their loins. it doesn mean he loves keira, just that the sex with her is hotter.
i think psychologically men tend to be able to seperate love from sex
i think psychologically men tend to be able to seperate love from sex
Since the OP is dodging the question I'll make a presumption that the reason she's not sleeping with guys is for religious reasons, as she said above that she met one of her boyfriends' at church.
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